8 Nov 2019, 06:10
emotional dystrophy
Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid, disgraceful, lame, dreadful, odious -- those were all the words swimming around Gem's head, the mere idea of a goddamn positive word was blocked by yet another sour antonym.
He'd sauntered off from the library after an argument with his ex-girlfriend, all those things- those actions she'd put into play - those messed with him. It had been over, they'd been broken up for about two weeks and a half, and just because he so much as complemented another girl - the both of them had mistook it for flirting. Why would Brielle even care? His romantic life wasn't her business anymore, nor was hers his. They had become separate entities from each other, and it was a mutual agreement to it. A respectable one.
He stared at himself in the shattered glass mirror, his cheeks red, but... there was no sign of difference. He remembered what he looked like when he met Brielle, a bit chubby, very awkward-looking, just a shy lad from Sheffield with a few problems. It wasn't until after he lost weight that she'd been interested, someone to match up to pace with her. No one wanted to see the ugly boy and the model of a girl, so... when he grew, his bone structure had developed, when he'd become fit -- that's when she pounced on him. Shallow, he thought, raising an eyebrow at his reflection, shallow and horrid.
He backed up against the dirty bricked walls, sliding down them with a stuffy puff of air. It was vacant, there was not a single person there, and he was quite glad about it. He'd needed time by himself - and even then, he'd longed for an outstretched hand of comfort. He could go crying to Catriona, but she'd been so busy... Merlin's beard, he was really more alone than he thought.
What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though.
8 Nov 2019, 17:44
emotional dystrophy
Working with @Gem Stuart
As of right now, Rafa was freaking out a bit.
To be specific, he was freaking out over a boy he had met about 20 minutes ago. Gem had left in a hurry – left Rafa in a nervous wreck, though he was hiding it well. Where is he? He had been searching the school for the last 10 minutes – asking, ducking into rooms, avoiding suspicious-looking teachers. They would be dismissed to their common rooms soon, or so Rafa suspected – he didn’t have much time.
Hmm… where was that Ravenclaw? Where would I hide if I were a hurt, innocent Ravenclaw first year? He huffed to himself. Well, I wouldn’t be hiding. Dammit, Rafa. Think outside the box.
His eyes caught the abandoned toilets. His heart rate increased slightly – he had a good feeling about this place. This is where I would hide. Definitely.
With a breath of air, he pushed the door open, the aura of the room hitting him like a train. Wow. There is no way in hell these are abandoned. His mind flashed with images of what could have possibly happened in these bathrooms to give them such a terrible smell, before shaking his head. No. Pay attention, Rafa. You’re looking for Gem.
Rafa stepped in a bit more, finally getting a good look at the room. It was empty, the sound of water dripping from somewhere far off. The bathroom itself was in ruin. The light seemed bleak, the mirrors shattered. Glass scattered the floors. Well. This place is lovely, isn’t it.
He turned around, catching sight of a familiar boy. Gem was sitting against the brick wall, a lost look on his face. His hair seemed to be hiding his eyes. Rafa’s stomach did a quick twist.
What should I even say? What should I do? Without thinking, Rafa walked up to him and slid down the wall beside him. He didn’t say anything. He just kind of stared off, chewing his lip in thought. “You know,” he said lightly, after a long moment, “Out of all the Outsiders, Johnny is my favorite. He was scared, but he always did the right thing. Like saving those kids.” He looked at Gem inquisitively. “I don’t ever feel like a Johnny. Most of the time, I feel like a Dallas.” He cocked his head to the side thoughtfully, chewing his lip for a moment. “ Y’know. Throwing too many punches, and causing too much trouble.” He looked into Gem's eyes, trying to read what he was thinking from the outside.
He offered Gem a warm smile, though he couldn’t hide his concern. Maybe I can take his mind off everything. More that anything, he wanted his friend to smile again. That was the only way he could be happy. “What about you?”
As of right now, Rafa was freaking out a bit.
To be specific, he was freaking out over a boy he had met about 20 minutes ago. Gem had left in a hurry – left Rafa in a nervous wreck, though he was hiding it well. Where is he? He had been searching the school for the last 10 minutes – asking, ducking into rooms, avoiding suspicious-looking teachers. They would be dismissed to their common rooms soon, or so Rafa suspected – he didn’t have much time.
Hmm… where was that Ravenclaw? Where would I hide if I were a hurt, innocent Ravenclaw first year? He huffed to himself. Well, I wouldn’t be hiding. Dammit, Rafa. Think outside the box.
His eyes caught the abandoned toilets. His heart rate increased slightly – he had a good feeling about this place. This is where I would hide. Definitely.
With a breath of air, he pushed the door open, the aura of the room hitting him like a train. Wow. There is no way in hell these are abandoned. His mind flashed with images of what could have possibly happened in these bathrooms to give them such a terrible smell, before shaking his head. No. Pay attention, Rafa. You’re looking for Gem.
Rafa stepped in a bit more, finally getting a good look at the room. It was empty, the sound of water dripping from somewhere far off. The bathroom itself was in ruin. The light seemed bleak, the mirrors shattered. Glass scattered the floors. Well. This place is lovely, isn’t it.
He turned around, catching sight of a familiar boy. Gem was sitting against the brick wall, a lost look on his face. His hair seemed to be hiding his eyes. Rafa’s stomach did a quick twist.
What should I even say? What should I do? Without thinking, Rafa walked up to him and slid down the wall beside him. He didn’t say anything. He just kind of stared off, chewing his lip in thought. “You know,” he said lightly, after a long moment, “Out of all the Outsiders, Johnny is my favorite. He was scared, but he always did the right thing. Like saving those kids.” He looked at Gem inquisitively. “I don’t ever feel like a Johnny. Most of the time, I feel like a Dallas.” He cocked his head to the side thoughtfully, chewing his lip for a moment. “ Y’know. Throwing too many punches, and causing too much trouble.” He looked into Gem's eyes, trying to read what he was thinking from the outside.
He offered Gem a warm smile, though he couldn’t hide his concern. Maybe I can take his mind off everything. More that anything, he wanted his friend to smile again. That was the only way he could be happy. “What about you?”
I probably haven't collected my allowance yet.
8 Nov 2019, 18:15
emotional dystrophy
interacting with @Rafael D'Spacito
It was startling, hearing the sound of clad footsteps. He couldn't've made a guess as to how Rafa managed to find Gem, but he supposed it was a predictable place for a teenager to go and hide in. He was glad he hadn't mentioned the incident back at the library, he'd get too worked up and end up snapping, and that was the very last thing he wanted to do.
"Dally, huh?" He mumbled, brushing his bangs out of his face, nodding in momentary thought. "Yeh, I think yer Dally. But y'know, he wos real important, all e' ever wanted to do wos be with Johnny. Bit of a fruitcakey thing, but..." He shifted, sort of inviting Rafa to come sit with him. "I guess our Dally's are lookin' for our Johnny's, an' our Johnny's 're lookin' for our Dally's."
"Me personally - I like Sodapop a whole lot, but if I had to self-identify, I'd say... erhm, I guess it'd be Johnny. I guess." He didn't really find himself like a Johnny, or a Darry, or anything, really. He just felt like Gem. Or, like, Holden Caulfield, but he wasn't that introspective... that was a nice way to put it. He fidgeted, looking Rafael right in the eyes, expression easily read as sad, a little bit shy, even. He hadn't retracted, but he felt guilty for making Rafa see all of that.
"'Ey... um, I'm sorreh. Sorry tha' you had ta watch all of that happen, anyway. I shouldn't have let that happen, yunno. I'm just- I'm goin' through a period of real confusion, and I don't know why I'm acting th' way I am, but it-- ugh, look. I'm sorry, you won't ever have ta see somefin' like that again." Shame. Endless goddamn shame.
What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though.
9 Nov 2019, 03:47
emotional dystrophy
Working with @Gem Stuart
"Dally, huh?" His friend mumbled inquiringly. He seemed to consider this for a moment. "Yeh, I think yer Dally. But y'know, he wos real important, all e' ever wanted to do wos be with Johnny.” This was a take he’d never had on the story. Dally did need Johnny, didn’t he? “Bit of a fruitcakey thing, but..." Gem continued. He seemed to shift slightly, almost invitingly. Rafa took this as a chance to scoot closer, to more of a comfortable distance. "I guess our Dally's are lookin' for our Johnny's,” Gem concluded, “an' our Johnny's 're lookin' for our Dally's."
This got Rafa thinking for a moment. Am I searching for a Johnny? He thought back through his 11 short years of life. He had kind of been in a gang, of sorts, if that even counted. Not the kind that hurt people, or got into fights for the heck of it. No, his friends in Argentina had been more of a brotherly gang, a group of boys that would stick up for each other, no matter what. He would be lying if he said he didn’t miss that – and, to be honest, he would be open to finding that again, here in England.
But, then again, he wasn’t so sure it would ever be the same. For one, he had been out of it socially – being cooped up in his house for the last three years had taken a toll on his social skills. Now, he found his temper even harder to control, and his ideas harder to put into words. On the other hand, people in England seemed to be so touchy. In Argentina, him and his ‘brothers’ were thicker than blood. Fists and words couldn’t separate them. But here, around these British people, relationships felt so delicate. Rafa felt like he was walking on eggshells around everyone, and that feeling made his skin crawl.
"Me personally - I like Sodapop a whole lot, but if I had to self-identify, I'd say...” Gem seemed to think for a second. “Erhm, I guess it'd be Johnny. I guess." He had a fidgety sort of vibe about him, as if he were uncomfortable, or guilty. His face was contorted into a frown, as if he were sad. "'Ey... um, I'm sorreh,” he added slowly. “Sorry tha' you had ta watch all of that happen, anyway. I shouldn't have let that happen, yunno. I'm just-“ he paused for a moment, “I'm goin' through a period of real confusion, and I don't know why I'm acting th' way I am, but it-- ugh, look.” He stared Rafa in the eye, his face now full of shame. “I'm sorry, you won't ever have ta see somefin' like that again."
What’s this guy going on about? Rafa was a bit confused, if he were totally honest. What’s this guy got to be sorry for? He raised an eyebrow at Gem, a confused sort of easygoing smile on his face. “Come on, man,” he said aloud. “You don’t ever have to be sorry about being yourself around me. Ever.” He diverted his gaze to the far wall, cocking his head thoughtfully. “You know, I don’t really get what it is about British folk. It’s like – “ he paused, searching for the right words. How do I go about this? “It’s like – I don’t know – like there’s this image, that everyone has to follow. You gotta be perfectly polite and all, and you have to have great life, with zero problems. You can’t disagree with anyone. You can’t stand up for yourself.” He took a deep breath. Smiling seemed to feel more forced as the moments wore on. “I don’t know, man. Back in Argentina, I could be myself, you know? Now, I can’t do that.” He chewed on his lip, looking down at the dirty floor. His smile was gone, his face contorted in a thoughtful gaze. “It’s weird, you know. It’s just,” he laughed, “I don’t really feel like I need to be that way around you. You don’t judge me.” He shrugged, looking at Gem again. “I know it might sound weird, but.. I don’t… judge you. I don’t mind, you telling me about your issues. I don’t want you to feel like that around me.”
It was then, at that moment, that Rafa realized how stupid he sounded. Wow. I’m spilling my guts to a complete fucking stranger. This day just keeps getting better. Still, the more time he spent with Gem, the less the Ravenclaw felt like a stranger. Maybe Gem didn’t see it that way, but Rafa really, honestly felt like he had found a friend. In spite of everything, he just had to grin. “Yeah. That’s all I got, man,” Rafa joked, trying to relieve the tension he had just added. He played with the hem of his robe silently, thinking to himself. It felt kind of satisfying, finally getting his words out right. He was just a little uneasy, though. These kinds of things didn’t happen too often for Rafa. Gem seemed like a cool guy, but he had been fooled before. And the last thing he needed right now was to look like a fool.
"Dally, huh?" His friend mumbled inquiringly. He seemed to consider this for a moment. "Yeh, I think yer Dally. But y'know, he wos real important, all e' ever wanted to do wos be with Johnny.” This was a take he’d never had on the story. Dally did need Johnny, didn’t he? “Bit of a fruitcakey thing, but..." Gem continued. He seemed to shift slightly, almost invitingly. Rafa took this as a chance to scoot closer, to more of a comfortable distance. "I guess our Dally's are lookin' for our Johnny's,” Gem concluded, “an' our Johnny's 're lookin' for our Dally's."
This got Rafa thinking for a moment. Am I searching for a Johnny? He thought back through his 11 short years of life. He had kind of been in a gang, of sorts, if that even counted. Not the kind that hurt people, or got into fights for the heck of it. No, his friends in Argentina had been more of a brotherly gang, a group of boys that would stick up for each other, no matter what. He would be lying if he said he didn’t miss that – and, to be honest, he would be open to finding that again, here in England.
But, then again, he wasn’t so sure it would ever be the same. For one, he had been out of it socially – being cooped up in his house for the last three years had taken a toll on his social skills. Now, he found his temper even harder to control, and his ideas harder to put into words. On the other hand, people in England seemed to be so touchy. In Argentina, him and his ‘brothers’ were thicker than blood. Fists and words couldn’t separate them. But here, around these British people, relationships felt so delicate. Rafa felt like he was walking on eggshells around everyone, and that feeling made his skin crawl.
"Me personally - I like Sodapop a whole lot, but if I had to self-identify, I'd say...” Gem seemed to think for a second. “Erhm, I guess it'd be Johnny. I guess." He had a fidgety sort of vibe about him, as if he were uncomfortable, or guilty. His face was contorted into a frown, as if he were sad. "'Ey... um, I'm sorreh,” he added slowly. “Sorry tha' you had ta watch all of that happen, anyway. I shouldn't have let that happen, yunno. I'm just-“ he paused for a moment, “I'm goin' through a period of real confusion, and I don't know why I'm acting th' way I am, but it-- ugh, look.” He stared Rafa in the eye, his face now full of shame. “I'm sorry, you won't ever have ta see somefin' like that again."
What’s this guy going on about? Rafa was a bit confused, if he were totally honest. What’s this guy got to be sorry for? He raised an eyebrow at Gem, a confused sort of easygoing smile on his face. “Come on, man,” he said aloud. “You don’t ever have to be sorry about being yourself around me. Ever.” He diverted his gaze to the far wall, cocking his head thoughtfully. “You know, I don’t really get what it is about British folk. It’s like – “ he paused, searching for the right words. How do I go about this? “It’s like – I don’t know – like there’s this image, that everyone has to follow. You gotta be perfectly polite and all, and you have to have great life, with zero problems. You can’t disagree with anyone. You can’t stand up for yourself.” He took a deep breath. Smiling seemed to feel more forced as the moments wore on. “I don’t know, man. Back in Argentina, I could be myself, you know? Now, I can’t do that.” He chewed on his lip, looking down at the dirty floor. His smile was gone, his face contorted in a thoughtful gaze. “It’s weird, you know. It’s just,” he laughed, “I don’t really feel like I need to be that way around you. You don’t judge me.” He shrugged, looking at Gem again. “I know it might sound weird, but.. I don’t… judge you. I don’t mind, you telling me about your issues. I don’t want you to feel like that around me.”
It was then, at that moment, that Rafa realized how stupid he sounded. Wow. I’m spilling my guts to a complete fucking stranger. This day just keeps getting better. Still, the more time he spent with Gem, the less the Ravenclaw felt like a stranger. Maybe Gem didn’t see it that way, but Rafa really, honestly felt like he had found a friend. In spite of everything, he just had to grin. “Yeah. That’s all I got, man,” Rafa joked, trying to relieve the tension he had just added. He played with the hem of his robe silently, thinking to himself. It felt kind of satisfying, finally getting his words out right. He was just a little uneasy, though. These kinds of things didn’t happen too often for Rafa. Gem seemed like a cool guy, but he had been fooled before. And the last thing he needed right now was to look like a fool.
Reducio
I finished the Outsiders today, and I won't lie. It is probably one of the best books I've ever read. But the ending was pretty freaking depressing. RIP Johhny and Dally.
So, Catcher in the Rye?
I probably haven't collected my allowance yet.
9 Nov 2019, 14:57
emotional dystrophy
@Rafael D'Spacito
Gem had heard a lot of corny stuff in his life, had lies spoon fed to him, been told things that were only made to condescend. He hated to say it, but he had a real hard time trusting just about anything someone said, especially when it was that... warm. They'd always made you feel special, and then they'd rip you to pieces once they had the chance. He was afraid of that -- constantly afraid of that, and even then, he felt like Rafa was a good person with a good heart. He'd been sorted into Gryffindor for a reason.
"Yunno, that's a real big generalization you've got, love. Yer talkin' about people from London, but have ya ever met a chap from Manchester? 'Er Blackpool? They'll tell ya how they really feel, no matter who ya are." He sat closer to Rafa, until the outside of their thighs touched. "But I suppose that's joost how some people are. I feel rude tellin' everyone my emotional burden cos that's... fer me. I don't think it's good fer anyone else to handle tha' fer themselves, but I learned to do that growin' up. I use it to write, I've got me own portal to somefin' less... less miserable."
"I'm sorreh England's a big jump from Argentina, I'm sure it's beautiful there." He briefly considered mentioning something in Spanish, mostly because his dad spoke about four languages and that was one of them, but he felt like he didn't need to be more embarrassed about his life choices just about now.
"Do you mind if I put me head on yer shoulder?" Quite sudden, considering the situation, but Gem hadn't known whether or not Rafa had heavy boundaries-- the very last thing he wanted was to make him uncomfortable in a moment like this.OOC: i know :^( they were the best. and also- YES!!!
What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though.
10 Nov 2019, 18:16
emotional dystrophy
Working with @GemStuart
"Yunno, that's a real big generalization you've got, love,” Gem told him suddenly. “Yer talkin' about people from London, but have ya ever met a chap from Manchester? 'Er Blackpool? They'll tell ya how they really feel, no matter who ya are." This statement surprised Rafa. He scratched the back of his neck unconsciously, thinking about these words. I guess I can’t really talk for the entirety of a country, he thought. It’s not like I’ve been out much or anything. The only experience he had ever really had with this country occurred after he had gotten his letter. Which was okay; he liked mysteries. But most of the people he had run in with were just so stuck-up. For a moment, he allowed himself to imagine being in one of the places Gem had listed. The thought made him smile to himself for a quick moment.
It was then he noticed that Gem had scooted closer to him, close enough that their thighs were touching. Rafa didn’t think too much of this. He had been much closer to his friends in weirder situations. "But I suppose that's joost how some people are,” Gem finished. It took a moment to remember exactly what he was talking about. Oh, right. Loud people. He looked at Gem for a moment. A shadow of sorts had fallen over his friend’s face.
“I feel rude tellin' everyone my emotional burden cos that's... fer me,” Gem stated. Rafa suddenly felt guilty. Just because I’ll tell someone exactly what’s going on in my head, doesn’t mean everyone else will. He took notice of how uncomfortable Gem looked right now. “I don't think it's good fer anyone else to handle tha' fer themselves, but I learned to do that growin' up,” Gem admitted. “I use it to write, I've got me own portal to somefin' less... less miserable." Rafa’s heart ached for his friend. No one should have to handle their problems alone. He felt like saying something, but he couldn’t think of any words to say at the moment. So, he listened to Gem’s venting silently, letting him say what he needed to. "I'm sorreh England's a big jump from Argentina,” Gem told him. “I'm sure it's beautiful there."
It is, Rafa thought to himself wistfully. Way more beautiful than this place. Rafa smiled in spite of himself, playing with the hem of his robe. Thinking of Argentina gave him a good feeling, kind of like drinking a cup of hot chocolate, or re-reading one of your favorite stories after years. He wished he could feel this feeling all the time. But if you felt it all the time, it wouldn’t really be a special feeling, would it? He was reminded by an old saying he had heard somewhere, a fleeting thought far in the depths of his mind. Nothing gold can stay.
That had been Argentina. It had been golden and fun and carefree. But it was over now, and Rafa had to accept that. Besides, his golden days were still happening. There were plenty of things that still felt golden. Magic is pretty golden. And Gem. And Quidditch isn't that terrible, either. It wasn’t a feeling he could really pinpoint, but it was there. He could make something out of them, he was sure of it.
“Do you mind if I put me head on yer shoulder?” Gem asked suddenly. He looked a bit reluctant, as if he were testing a boundary or something.
Rafa shrugged. “Yeah, man,” he told his friend. Honestly, he didn’t mind in the least bit. Really, there weren’t a lot of things that made him uncomfortable. He generally didn’t have boundaries. That was really the main reason why he had so much trouble respecting other people’s. Though, there were only two things he really couldn’t handle: Yo-mama jokes and bullying. Those really set him off. But Gem didn’t seem like he was into any of those things. “You don’t have to ask,” he added absentmindedly. “I don’t mind.” For a moment, he felt as if he should explain himself, but in the end decided against it. It was probably better if he kept his reasons to himself. He could get his point across just fine as it is.
"Yunno, that's a real big generalization you've got, love,” Gem told him suddenly. “Yer talkin' about people from London, but have ya ever met a chap from Manchester? 'Er Blackpool? They'll tell ya how they really feel, no matter who ya are." This statement surprised Rafa. He scratched the back of his neck unconsciously, thinking about these words. I guess I can’t really talk for the entirety of a country, he thought. It’s not like I’ve been out much or anything. The only experience he had ever really had with this country occurred after he had gotten his letter. Which was okay; he liked mysteries. But most of the people he had run in with were just so stuck-up. For a moment, he allowed himself to imagine being in one of the places Gem had listed. The thought made him smile to himself for a quick moment.
It was then he noticed that Gem had scooted closer to him, close enough that their thighs were touching. Rafa didn’t think too much of this. He had been much closer to his friends in weirder situations. "But I suppose that's joost how some people are,” Gem finished. It took a moment to remember exactly what he was talking about. Oh, right. Loud people. He looked at Gem for a moment. A shadow of sorts had fallen over his friend’s face.
“I feel rude tellin' everyone my emotional burden cos that's... fer me,” Gem stated. Rafa suddenly felt guilty. Just because I’ll tell someone exactly what’s going on in my head, doesn’t mean everyone else will. He took notice of how uncomfortable Gem looked right now. “I don't think it's good fer anyone else to handle tha' fer themselves, but I learned to do that growin' up,” Gem admitted. “I use it to write, I've got me own portal to somefin' less... less miserable." Rafa’s heart ached for his friend. No one should have to handle their problems alone. He felt like saying something, but he couldn’t think of any words to say at the moment. So, he listened to Gem’s venting silently, letting him say what he needed to. "I'm sorreh England's a big jump from Argentina,” Gem told him. “I'm sure it's beautiful there."
It is, Rafa thought to himself wistfully. Way more beautiful than this place. Rafa smiled in spite of himself, playing with the hem of his robe. Thinking of Argentina gave him a good feeling, kind of like drinking a cup of hot chocolate, or re-reading one of your favorite stories after years. He wished he could feel this feeling all the time. But if you felt it all the time, it wouldn’t really be a special feeling, would it? He was reminded by an old saying he had heard somewhere, a fleeting thought far in the depths of his mind. Nothing gold can stay.
That had been Argentina. It had been golden and fun and carefree. But it was over now, and Rafa had to accept that. Besides, his golden days were still happening. There were plenty of things that still felt golden. Magic is pretty golden. And Gem. And Quidditch isn't that terrible, either. It wasn’t a feeling he could really pinpoint, but it was there. He could make something out of them, he was sure of it.
“Do you mind if I put me head on yer shoulder?” Gem asked suddenly. He looked a bit reluctant, as if he were testing a boundary or something.
Rafa shrugged. “Yeah, man,” he told his friend. Honestly, he didn’t mind in the least bit. Really, there weren’t a lot of things that made him uncomfortable. He generally didn’t have boundaries. That was really the main reason why he had so much trouble respecting other people’s. Though, there were only two things he really couldn’t handle: Yo-mama jokes and bullying. Those really set him off. But Gem didn’t seem like he was into any of those things. “You don’t have to ask,” he added absentmindedly. “I don’t mind.” For a moment, he felt as if he should explain himself, but in the end decided against it. It was probably better if he kept his reasons to himself. He could get his point across just fine as it is.
Reducio
OOC: I'll have to check it out then lmao
I probably haven't collected my allowance yet.
11 Nov 2019, 16:17
emotional dystrophy
interacting with @Rafael D'SpacitoIt was a silent movement after that, the way Gem tucked his body inwards and set his head on Rafa's shoulder, staring at the dirty, bug-infested wall across them. He shut his eyes, attempting to think about all the happy things that had happened at Hogwarts, just so he could keep the oncoming morbid depression muzzled and away for a few hours. He shifted, sort of holding Rafa's arm around his, just so he could feel closer.
"You're warm," Gem said, "that's good." He inhaled, doing his very best to ignore the oncoming fluttery feeling in his belly, pulling a familiar jitter up in his head. That was Gem's thing, how greedy he got sometimes - it just so happened that Rafa was in his area of reach, and that greed led into loads and loads of feelings. Greedy for affection, he was, and by God he was gonna get it. Once he got a taste, he would take all the rest and savor it to hell.
He was beginning to feel better, maybe had a bit of a crush on Prince Charming over here now (they'd barely met, and he already knew he'd lose sleep over him), but it was a good time to be Gem Stuart right at this very second. He could almost smile, but he didn't want Rafa to ask why he was - and even then, the corners of his lips turned upwards just a bit, barely noticeable, but coy.
What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though.
11 Nov 2019, 21:27
emotional dystrophy
Working with @GemStuart
Gem laid his head on Rafa’s shoulder, his face scrunching up in the cutest way Rafa had ever seen. "You're warm," Gem told him. "That's good." Rafa felt the warmth of satisfaction run from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. It was the strangest feeling, all warm and fuzzy-like. Jesus Christ, he thought to himself. He told you that you were warm, for Chrissakes. Get a grip, Rafa.
Nonetheless, he couldn’t hold back a smile. He was glad that Gem’s head was on his shoulder, so that he couldn’t see Rafa’s evident elation. It was right then that the reality of the situation actually hit him. Gem’s head is on my shoulder. His head is on my shoulder. He had to bite his bottom for a moment, to stop himself from making a noise. He was honestly pretty confused right now – he wasn’t really sure why he was feeling this way, his stomach twisting in ways he didn’t think were possible. With every passing moment, he became more and more aware of Gem’s arm, right beside his. What gives, Rafa? You’ve done this plenty of times with your friends. Why is this any different?
He looked down for a moment, and that’s when he saw it. Gem’s lips were quirked up slightly, just enough that it was barely noticeable. All reason left for a moment, one thought now in his mind. I need to make it bigger.
“Y’know,” he said slowly, an air of nonchalant to his voice, “I never got to return your comment earlier. The one about my face, I mean.” It occurred to him that a lot of time had passed since Gem had made his last comment – he hoped it wasn’t strange that he was bringing this up now. “I guess we were all a bit distracted back there. I had kind of forgotten to say anything.” Rafa chewed on his lip for a moment, searching for the right words to describe Gem. “You got these eyes,” he said after a few seconds. “I mean, you probably don’t see it because you’ve had them for a while, but they’re not the same as everyone else’s. They’re –“ Rafa paused for a moment, thinking of the word. “– Special.”
It occurred to Rafa that maybe this could have been taken as an insult. Come on, say more. “They’re big and bright, like their full of something.” Rafa was having a hard time putting his thoughts into words again. “And deep, too. Like you could get lost in them or something. Had me staring, actually.” He inwardly kicked himself. This guy probably thinks I’m the weirdest. “Not in a weird way, or anything,” he added, laughing easily, hoping to relieve his stiffness. Am I stiff? This was all so confusing. But, he thought to himself, not necessarily unwelcome.
Gem laid his head on Rafa’s shoulder, his face scrunching up in the cutest way Rafa had ever seen. "You're warm," Gem told him. "That's good." Rafa felt the warmth of satisfaction run from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. It was the strangest feeling, all warm and fuzzy-like. Jesus Christ, he thought to himself. He told you that you were warm, for Chrissakes. Get a grip, Rafa.
Nonetheless, he couldn’t hold back a smile. He was glad that Gem’s head was on his shoulder, so that he couldn’t see Rafa’s evident elation. It was right then that the reality of the situation actually hit him. Gem’s head is on my shoulder. His head is on my shoulder. He had to bite his bottom for a moment, to stop himself from making a noise. He was honestly pretty confused right now – he wasn’t really sure why he was feeling this way, his stomach twisting in ways he didn’t think were possible. With every passing moment, he became more and more aware of Gem’s arm, right beside his. What gives, Rafa? You’ve done this plenty of times with your friends. Why is this any different?
He looked down for a moment, and that’s when he saw it. Gem’s lips were quirked up slightly, just enough that it was barely noticeable. All reason left for a moment, one thought now in his mind. I need to make it bigger.
“Y’know,” he said slowly, an air of nonchalant to his voice, “I never got to return your comment earlier. The one about my face, I mean.” It occurred to him that a lot of time had passed since Gem had made his last comment – he hoped it wasn’t strange that he was bringing this up now. “I guess we were all a bit distracted back there. I had kind of forgotten to say anything.” Rafa chewed on his lip for a moment, searching for the right words to describe Gem. “You got these eyes,” he said after a few seconds. “I mean, you probably don’t see it because you’ve had them for a while, but they’re not the same as everyone else’s. They’re –“ Rafa paused for a moment, thinking of the word. “– Special.”
It occurred to Rafa that maybe this could have been taken as an insult. Come on, say more. “They’re big and bright, like their full of something.” Rafa was having a hard time putting his thoughts into words again. “And deep, too. Like you could get lost in them or something. Had me staring, actually.” He inwardly kicked himself. This guy probably thinks I’m the weirdest. “Not in a weird way, or anything,” he added, laughing easily, hoping to relieve his stiffness. Am I stiff? This was all so confusing. But, he thought to himself, not necessarily unwelcome.
I probably haven't collected my allowance yet.
12 Nov 2019, 20:00
emotional dystrophy
interacting with @Rafael D'SpacitoIt could've been unfair how comfortable right now felt, how warm Rafa was, the reassurance that he was okay - he hadn't expected Rafa to start talking, but he listened anyhow. His heart may have been doing somersaults in his chest, but it was a nice feeling. A different sort of anxiety, one that acted up especially when he was being complemented. His eyes? Rafa liked his eyes, boring brown, all big and gawky like a baby bird's would be. Gem was sick of them, making his face seem all awkward, how big and wide they got, how they just widened out of nowhere-- it was like they were a separate entity from his body, but Rafa liked them. If that didn't make him feel special, he didn't know what would. It was a good feeling.
"Thanks," Gem mumbled, the breath taken from his words, "Uh... thank you. I've never- ehm, thanks. Thank you." Way to take a complement, you damn dunce. He sat closer, just a little bit, unable to convey how nice that was- how nice it felt, not yet. He'd always had a way with words, but when it came to actually speaking them? He was as good as a mute.
"It's not weird. That wos real nice of you, made me feel happy about tha most mundane part of meself." It was rare, Gem being at all pleased with any of his features. He knew he had to have been considered attractive to some, since he looked a lot like his dad and his dad was... something else, but it was weird. It was weird being told so, and he had a hard time properly dealing with it. That was when it hit him, sort of, the confirmation that he wasn't... Oh Merlin, this was a bad time for realization. He was just a kid! How was he supposed to know all the answers to that stuff? He'd have his suspicions, but it was never with anyone else. Well, not up until now, but... ugh.
"Can I tell ya somethin'? You've got to promise not ta tell anyone." He sat up, looking Rafa right in the eyes. He regretted saying that immediately, telling him stuff that he'd tell only his journal, but it didn't matter. It didn't matter, and he needed to tell someone, anyone who'd listen. This would either go excellently, or... dismally, he wasn't even sure of himself yet. He could never, ever be sure.
What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though.
12 Nov 2019, 22:27
emotional dystrophy
Working with @GemStuart
"Thanks," his friend said quietly. "Uh... thank you. I've never- ehm,” he stuttered for a short moment, before ending with, “Thanks. Thank you." The other boy went silent for a second, scooting closer just a bit. Rafa’s heart rate increased just slightly, his smile wavering. God, Rafa. Jesus fuck. You just don’t talk about someone’s eyes. Especially not after you’ve just met them. It’s just strange. He inwardly kicked himself, a sinking feeling settling in the pit of his stomach. Once again, you’ve pushed a boundary. Get it together.
Gem was looking at him funny. "It's not weird,” he told Rafa after a moment. “That wos real nice of you, made me feel happy about tha most mundane part of meself." Within moments, the sinking feeling was gone. Every feeling was gone. All he could feel was this warm, fuzzy feeling, taking up every ounce of him, like hot chocolate on a cold day. I made him feel happy. Rafa’s face lit up quickly, a warm, satisfied smile on his face. And that’s when the realization hit him.
It felt him like a truck, hitting him in the stomach and taking his breath away for a second. Oh, God. He felt a chill run up his spine. He could feel his heart slowly beating faster. Fuck. Fuck no, Rafa. You can’t just start crushing on the first nice, half decent-looking guy you see. He tried to forget that he had met plenty of other guys at his short time at Hogwarts, and Gem was way more than half decent-looking. Really, the thought of liking this - this angelic boy - it felt strange to him. Sure, he had had elementary school crushes, and everything – he’d actually made out with Miguel Estevez behind the swing sets in the second grade. He hadn’t really told anyone about that. Some people thought it was weird, liking other boys. It wasn’t really something he could help, though. Besides, it hadn’t really felt special or anything. Not like hit felt right now. Just the thought of liking this boy made him shiver.
Dammit, Rafa. Look what you've gotten yourself into.
His thoughts were interrupted by Gem. "Can I tell ya somethin'?” he asked. “You've got to promise not ta tell anyone." He looked Rafa right in the eyes. For a moment, Rafa wondered if any of his feelings were showing in his eyes. For the most part, he had been pretty good with controlling his emotions on the outside, what with card games and standoffs. But at the same time, he was feeling less and less like himself as the moments passed.
“Yeah, man,” he told Gem. “I don’t talk.” It wasn’t really secret-keeping that he was worried about; he could keep a secret. It was more of what Gem had to say that set him off-kilter. Nonetheless, he put an easy look on his face, quirking his lips upward slightly. Gem looked a bit antsy himself, so anything to settle his nerves was worth it.
"Thanks," his friend said quietly. "Uh... thank you. I've never- ehm,” he stuttered for a short moment, before ending with, “Thanks. Thank you." The other boy went silent for a second, scooting closer just a bit. Rafa’s heart rate increased just slightly, his smile wavering. God, Rafa. Jesus fuck. You just don’t talk about someone’s eyes. Especially not after you’ve just met them. It’s just strange. He inwardly kicked himself, a sinking feeling settling in the pit of his stomach. Once again, you’ve pushed a boundary. Get it together.
Gem was looking at him funny. "It's not weird,” he told Rafa after a moment. “That wos real nice of you, made me feel happy about tha most mundane part of meself." Within moments, the sinking feeling was gone. Every feeling was gone. All he could feel was this warm, fuzzy feeling, taking up every ounce of him, like hot chocolate on a cold day. I made him feel happy. Rafa’s face lit up quickly, a warm, satisfied smile on his face. And that’s when the realization hit him.
It felt him like a truck, hitting him in the stomach and taking his breath away for a second. Oh, God. He felt a chill run up his spine. He could feel his heart slowly beating faster. Fuck. Fuck no, Rafa. You can’t just start crushing on the first nice, half decent-looking guy you see. He tried to forget that he had met plenty of other guys at his short time at Hogwarts, and Gem was way more than half decent-looking. Really, the thought of liking this - this angelic boy - it felt strange to him. Sure, he had had elementary school crushes, and everything – he’d actually made out with Miguel Estevez behind the swing sets in the second grade. He hadn’t really told anyone about that. Some people thought it was weird, liking other boys. It wasn’t really something he could help, though. Besides, it hadn’t really felt special or anything. Not like hit felt right now. Just the thought of liking this boy made him shiver.
Dammit, Rafa. Look what you've gotten yourself into.
His thoughts were interrupted by Gem. "Can I tell ya somethin'?” he asked. “You've got to promise not ta tell anyone." He looked Rafa right in the eyes. For a moment, Rafa wondered if any of his feelings were showing in his eyes. For the most part, he had been pretty good with controlling his emotions on the outside, what with card games and standoffs. But at the same time, he was feeling less and less like himself as the moments passed.
“Yeah, man,” he told Gem. “I don’t talk.” It wasn’t really secret-keeping that he was worried about; he could keep a secret. It was more of what Gem had to say that set him off-kilter. Nonetheless, he put an easy look on his face, quirking his lips upward slightly. Gem looked a bit antsy himself, so anything to settle his nerves was worth it.
I probably haven't collected my allowance yet.