All The Things You Never Said PV Lydia fin

-Interacting with: @Rafael D'Spacito -
-Mentioning: Anastasia Beckett & Aaron Jones -

May had been the weirdest, most exhausting month so far for Lydia.

After the events that happened at the Blossom Ball, the Hufflepuff girl hadn't felt like herself anymore, leaving only an outside shell of the once joyful young girl; she had become more moody, sometimes even slightly aggressive -her bandaged hand was the living proof of that- and she had closed in herself, not letting anybody in, not even her best friend - who, to be fair, was going through his big deal of problems as well. Another person she had completely ignore since that dreadful night was Rafael. She couldn't pinpoint the main reason why, it was probably a mix of how he had treated her, together with the guilt of Anastasia catching fire during the ball, something that would have never happened if she wouldn't have brought up the idea of the ball in the first place. But anyway, the red headed girl still tried her best to stay clear of him, which was not the easiest thing to do, since they were both first years and shared similar schedules.

But even while staying away from the boy, Lydia couldn't help but think about him and their last encounter, especially after the whole talk she had with Ruka the second week of May; it made her realise that she needed to talk with the Quidditch Captain and figure things out, even if that meant that she would have needed to tell him how she felt towards him. So she wrote him a letter, or well, more like a long note, in which she asked him to meet her in the Herbology classroom to talk.

When the day of the meeting arrived, Lydia woke up from her almost sleepless night feeling lower than usual; she got ready for the day, and after a really little breakfast, she headed out to her classes. She tried her best to go through the day without feeling too panicky, even though the closer it got to the actual meeting, the more nervous the girl got. She barely ate at lunch, her stomach feeling too nauseous to allow her to have a proper meal; after her last class, she headed quickly into her dorm to get changed, putting on a pair of black sports trousers, a white t-shirt and a black hoodie; her hair were put up in a messy bun, little stings of them falling back over her face. She quickly glanced at herself in the mirror and barely recognised herself: she looked like a mess.

Hell, she was a mess.

Aside from looking like she needed a serious clothes style makeover, her face looked paler than usual, with dark circles around her eyes from her latest insomnia, her cheeks slightly hollower than usual, sign that she wasn't taking too much care of herself. If the outside looked like that, the inside was even worse, as her mind couldn't focus properly on anything anymore, guilt and anxiety the main focus of her thoughts.

With one last look in the mirror, Lydia headed out of her dormitory, aware of the fact that she was at least five minutes late to the appointment with Rafael.

The sound of her sneakers on the gravel was kind of nice, a reminder of all the times he had spent walking along the shores back home, the smell of salt in the air as the wind hit her face. She walked all across the school towards the greenhouses, and once she got there she could feel her hear beating fast in her chest. It felt as if a little bird was trapped inside, trying to free itself from the cage; her hands were a little sweaty, signs of an imminent panic attack. Lydia shook her head, she couldn't have one now, not when she needed to have a clear head. Biting down on her bottom lip, her left, shaky hand reached for the door handle of the greenhouse one, pushing it down and opening the glassed door.

The various smells coming from the plants hit Lydia's nose immediately upon entering, making her feel slightly less nervous; she had chosen to meet Rafael there because the plants made her feel kind of safe and sheltered, almost resembling a sense of home.

As she walked towards the boy, Lydia kept her eyes on her hands, as she played with the bandage on the self medicated hand. After she had punched Ruka, her hand hurt a lot, in particular her thumb; she had decided, however, not to go to the hospital wing but instead to go to her dorm room, where she had some medical stuff that her mother had made her bring with her back in September; she had put some Voltarol all over the skin, bandaging it up then and deciding that if the pain would have gotten worse, then she would have gone to the Hospital Wing.

When she finally reached Rafael, Lydia looked up from her hands; her eyes met the boy's face, his hair falling over his eyes, the hood up on his head. He still looked like the same, old Rafael that she had met in the Rehearsal Room, but somehow he looked different, or maybe it was Lydia that had changed: once happy and bubbly, the red headed girl felt like those carefree, joyful days were ages ago. Unable to keep looking at the boy, her head swimming in a stormy sea of emotions, Lydia's eyes went back to examining her hands, deciding that the sight of her bitten nails was somehow better to look at while thinking about what to say.

She had a whole speech ready in her head, all of the things she wanted to tell Rafael well worded. But now that she was actually there, she couldn't seem to remember any of them. "Hi," her voice was kind of hoarse, probably because she hadn't been talking much lately. After a small cough, the red headed girl continued with her speech. "Thank you for coming here, I- I know that my owl was kind of random,"

Lydia mentally rolled her eyes at her own words; she sounded so stupid and pathetic, not even able to have a proper conversation anymore. "Are you- I mean... How are you?" she managed to say, as she kept avoiding looking at the boy. She wanted to kick herself in the ass, of all the things she could have said, or asked, she had to go with "How are you?". That was just great, a genius idea.

Well, she had said it now, so she couldn't take it back anymore.

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Interacting With: @Lydia Cooper
Mentioning: Aaron Jones

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[font=Segoe Print] "Hi.”

The familiar sound that was Lydia’s voice reverberated about the glass walls of the lovely green house, vocals once bouncy and full of life now hoarse and dejected from what the young Captain could assume was lack of use. Unsettling, in an odd, unexplainable way – perhaps the best way to describe the source of the strange ice that now crept into the child’s chest, was the nature of the lovely girl that had just entered the room. She had always been happy, cheerful, a light that exuded brightness and kindness to all whom inhabited her presence, and yet, there was something about her, perhaps an invisible weight on her shoulders, perhaps the memories of what had happened at the damned event only days ago, that seemed to leave her eyes sullen, body language sad, much like that of a ghost’s, a hollow form empty of life or joy. It tugged at the heart of the young Captain, as did it the lips – the boy’s face morphed into a frown, brows furrowed and eyes bleeding with the pain the sight of his crush warranted. This feeling was awful, a sort of poison that crept through his veins, eating away at everything that had once tethered him to his own sanity. He was going to go crazy soon, he knew it. Lydia was far too perfect for such an ill feeling.

But, besides the pain riddling his chest, there was something else reappearing in his charred, shattered heart. The ball had left him broken, heart full of glass shards and grime, gasoline ready to blow – the very presence of Lydia was a spark, every work she uttered like flint against steel, flurries of light falling gently upon the debris left behind, fizzling out near contact. He could feel it within him, the possibility in his actions. He’d told Lydia once about his rage issues, and even if she’d forgotten of that instance, she’d seen him at the ball like everyone else. That monster was close to surfacing now, his hands, idly laying in his pockets, curling into fists as he listened to the sound of her beautiful voice. Who did she think she was, going off and avoiding him? Like he’d done anything less than save her ass. They could have had this talk in the ball, or in the hospital wing – God, she could have brought up her grievances days earlier, spared him the emotional exhaustion of having to wait for answers.

And yet, here they were, a whole shit-ton of days later. He was a time bomb, his clock running on moments. It was only a matter of time before he exploded.

He had a lot of things to say to her. Perhaps he’d better start with her question. His eyes, once furrowed in hurt, minor pain, were now hardened, jaw clenched tightly as he tried to restrain the aggravation slowly creeping into his build. “How am I?” he reiterated, a slight undertone of sarcasm mixed in with the passive aggression lacing his vocals. “Well, Lydia, I would love to tell you I’m fine. really. However,” he shrugged, harsh gaze never wavering. “you were at the same Ball I was. It’s hard to close your eyes at night, knowing that every time you do, you’ll be back in the same damned place you were a week ago.” It was a slight prod, a low-blow, if you would, though in hindsight, the events of the Ball hadn’t really been her fault. A lot of it had been his. There was no one else to blame for that. Who was he really mad at? Lydia? Himself? He didn’t know at this point. What he did know, was the anger brewing in his stomach, the need to lash out, say something damaging. He liked Lydia too much, however, to do such a thing… at least so early into the conversation. But, in the least, he could show her his aggravation, the strife she had caused him. It wasn’t damn fair, to avoid him like that, so if she wanted to hurt him, the least he could do was subtlely return the favor.

“So, why are we here?” he asked, not wanting to beat around the bush any longer. Maybe, with luck, he could avoid the inevitable explosion, or perhaps escape, leave Lydia’s feelings intact. “I can’t speak for you, but I sure as hell didn’t come here to talk about my feelings. Why’ve you been avoiding me?” Blunt, to the point, a hint of judgement in his voice. He deserved the right to be upset, it was the least she owed him, before ditching him at the ball for her ex. Now, that wasn’t fair. He would cross his arms, cocking up his chin as if gesturing towards her. It wouldn’t be long now. He’d get the answers he was looking for. [/font]

-Interacting with: @Rafael D'Spacito -
-Mentioning: Anastasia Beckett, Wren Caster, Aurelia Notrésvace, Thomas Lestrange, Ruka Tân, Willow Anderson & Victor Moore -

As the moments went by, Lydia could hear her heart beat loud in her chest.

Thump thump.
Thump thump.
Thump thump.

Lately that sound had become Lydia’s best friend, one of the few things that properly reminded her that she was, indeed, alive and not just some ghost walking through the halls of the school.

“How am I?”

Rafael’s voice sounded so loud in the quiet room, almost an intrusion in the silence that seemed to reign all over the place. His words felt harsh, strong, the sarcasm more than evident to Lydia. She had never experienced this side of the boy, but after all, she had never organised an event that resulted in people getting seriously hurt either.

There was always a first time for everything.

When Lydia finally found the courage to look up at Rafael, she felt as if a strong hand had wrapped around her heart and squeezed it hard; he was upset, his jaw clenched tight, his eyes hard, and hurt. Lydia didn’t try to talk immediately, but preferred to let him talk.

Rafael’s words hurt, more than she had imagined, but lately that seemed like a recurring theme. She would underestimate the situation, not prepared enough for it. Lydia knew exactly what he meant, when he talked about feeling like they were back at the Ball every time they went to sleep; it was the main reason why the red headed girl couldn’t sleep at night, the sound of the agonising screams filled her ears, keeping her awake together with her sense of guilt.

She had almost started talking, but it looked like Rafael wasn’t done yet. His next words were harsh but direct, straight to the point.

They surprised Lydia, in a way. She knew that the boy would have wondered why she was avoiding him, but she thought that he would have had at least a clue about the reason why. After all, he had ditched her right after arriving at the ball, preferring the company of Willow and giving out flowers to Anastasia, not to mention to start a fight with an older student.

A slight veil of confusion appeared over the girl’s face, as she tried to organise her thoughts in a comprehensible way. She looked back down at the floor, as she cleared her throat before speaking. “I’m sorry for all the shit that happened at the Ball,” she started saying. “We thought we had enough safety measures, but clearly we were wrong,”

“I don- I think I’ll never be able to forgive myself, for putting everyone in danger, for thinking that we knew better than the professors. So for that, I offer you my deepest apologies. I know that they are useless, that people still got hurt...” she said as she shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself as if to try and hold herself together.

“You really have no idea?” She asked, referring to the reason why she had been avoiding him. “I mean.. I know it was stupid to do that, but still, I thought- I imagined you would have had a clue, at least,”

“At the ball... before everything went to shit, I told you I needed to talk with you, that it was important. But the moment we started walking towards the pitch you simply... I don’t know, disconnected? I was talking, but you weren’t listening, we’re you? And then, once we reached Wren and the others, what did you do? You left me there, with no explanation, or word. Next thing I know, you are holding hands with Willow, one of my friends, and giving a massive vase of roses-” Lydia took a deep breath, before continuing; she could feel the anger come back, filling her up and for once she let it do that, welcoming the new wave of emotions that struck her. “If only you would’ve stayed there, not leaving me alone I- fuck..”

Without thinking, Lydia brought her bandaged hand to her face, massaging her eyes, ignoring the bolt of pain that the action caused. “I talked with Aurelia, before you got to the ball,” she didn’t know if dropping Aurelia’s name like that would have had any effect, if maybe Rafael then would have gone after the older girl, but if Lydia was being completely honest with herself, she didn’t care; the Gryffindor girl had stuck her nose into Lydia’s business, the least she could do would have been taking responsibility for that.

“She kept trying to tell me to stay away from you, that I should have stayed with her during the Ball... but what really got my attention, the main reason that I wanted to talk with you at the Ball, was the fact that she told me she had seen you with Anastasia, in your common room. She didn’t say what she saw you guys doing, but to be honest, I...” Lydia had to take a deep breath, as she realised she hadn’t stopped to do so in a while.

“I didn’t believe her, you know? I thought, I know Rafael, if he had a girlfriend he would have told me; he would never play me like that. I told her she was wrong, that you’d never do something like that.... but she had planted the doubt in my head, and I needed to talk about it with you. But no,” Lydia finally lifted her eyes and looked at the boy, straight into his eyes. “You preferred to just leave me there, with people I barely knew, and to do what? Give a massive vase of flowers to Anastasia, of all people! How- what should I have thought? I was already going crazy, you were acting so weird as if you didn’t even care I was there... I thought she was right, Aurelia I mean. After all, you didn’t even give me a second glance one you came back to the group. God, even pumpkin juice boy looked at me more than you did that night!”

There it was, the anger she had felt that night, the same anger that she felt before she punched Ruka. It was telling her to get her revenge, to make him suffer the same way that she suffered; this time though, contrary to when her fist had collided with the fireboy, Lydia didn’t give in to that feeling. This was Rafael, and no matter how much he had hurt her, she would have never done the same to him.

“I was avoiding you because I was hurt - hell, I still am. The memory of you, dancing with Willow, whispering in her ear god knows what. I... I was hurt, Rafael. And ashamed and guilty for everything that happened to Anastasia and Wren’s date and I... I couldn’t think about you without crying, let alone talking to you. But then the whole fight with Ruka happened and I realised that I needed to stop that- to stop avoiding you and just... tell you everything,” after she had said that last word, the red headed girl quickly wiped again the rebel, angry tear that had tried to escape from her control.

She wanted to continue talking, to just scream and tell him how she had been falling head over heels for him, but she held that back, at least for the moment. After all, she had been talking for quite a while now, and she was too curious to hear what Rafael would have had to say back.

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Interacting With: @Lydia Cooper
Mentioning: Anastasia Beckett • Willow Anderson • Wren Caster • Aaron Jones • Vladimir Athatanos • Victor Moore • Ruka Tan • Aurelia Notresvace

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[font=Segoe Print]“I’m sorry for all the shit that happened at the Ball.”

There was something about the way Lydia spoke, some sort of despair, sadness in her sullen voice, that seemed to tug at the heartstrings of the young Captain, his angry gaze subsiding in the slightest, concern and pain now leaking through his visage, visible to one who read carefully into body language. God, he wanted so badly to sympathize to her words, feel her pain, forgive her for leaving him in suspense – after all, he could imagine what she’d been through, her plot to cause joy and celebration for the students of Hogwarts having gone horribly, horribly wrong. [It was somehow Aaron’s fault, Rafael was convinced.] She was an angel, perfect on all counts, both physically and mentally, a well of happiness and energy never to run dry, evident to all that had ever presided in her presence. A lovely creature who deserved far more than the circumstances life had pitched against her. And he thought the universe hated him. It would be all too easy to just smile, nod, understand her confusion and tell her it was all okay.

But he wasn’t that sort of person. The longer the girl spoke, the faster the seconds ticked, the closer he became to exploding, damaging the environment around him with his icy fury. She spoke of disloyalty, rumors, unbiased and spoken from the lips of those who only wished the worst for him. And, rather than seeing it as his acquaintance’s reasonable insecurities and reservations, the child couldn’t help but think of it a different way… was he really the sort to her, to cheat? Now, he’d admit, he liked a lot of people, but those were just feelings. What kind of player did she think he was? He remained starkly silent, almost frighteningly so, his gaze only darkening as the moments wore on. His hands, tucked in his pockets, were tight with anger, knuckles white, burning in pain as his nails dug into the meat of his palm. Her monologue slowly came to a close, and with her final words, the sparks had come dangerously close to the gasoline. He was pissed, just enough to give the girl a piece of his damned mind...

He would wait until she had finished her monologue, before uttering his own words. A mere whisper, a jut of the chin in her direction as he regarded her in disgust. “So,” he began caustically, “you wanted to base your assumptions off unbiased rumors and feelings?”

“You seem confused," he would state harshly, “so how about I clear a few things up for you real quick. I’d known the ball was going to go to shit long before it actually did. Anyone could have, if they had been paying attention – Victor was handing off creepy blood flowers to my close friend, for one.” He spoke pointedly, his voice full of accusatory tone. This was not his fault, any rational human being could surely deduct that. “A person I regard as my own family, I might add, and that I’d do anything to protect. What, did I seem distant?” A mocking remark, evident by the way his voice lilted. “Maybe. Or maybe, if you weren’t so blinded by your own feelings, you’d been able to see what I could. Do I regret my actions? Not in the least. Unless you would have rather danced the night away, watched as Wren pricked herself on one of those damned flowers, ended up like Victor. There are some things that are greater than a stupid dance. I thought you, of all people, would understand that.”

“You want to know what was on my mind?” He jutted his finger an inch from her chest, eyes blazing in anger as he spoke harsh, unforgiving words. “Your damned safety. You were jealous, that I went to Willow for help in obtaining Victor’s bag? Or, gave those evil flowers to my best friend? What did you think, that we were makeout buddies? And you based your evidence on the words of Aurelia Notresvace, the same girl that throws knives at people as a hobby?” He’d have a chat with the third year later, opting to use some of his favorite four-letter words. But there were other things to address to at the moment. “I gave those damned flowers to Anastasia because she likes fire. I knew that she wouldn’t hesitate to burn them to hell if things got bad, which, surprise surprise, they did. But, you know,” he jutted his chin up, gaze cutting as it bored into Lydia, “next time, I’ll give them to you, so you could prick your damned finger. What ever makes you feel better.”

“Now, what’s a dance between friends?” he continued angrily. “You’re not going to tell me that you got all miffed at a my and Willow’s little escapade. You know, I’d actually come back to you to ask you if we could have a quick go around the dance floor, but apparently, you were too busy seeing things to realize the situation for what is was. Did you ever stop to thing that maybe I wasn’t ‘holding Willow’s hand’? Maybe I was dragging her along with me?” Then, furthering his defense, “Willow and I had long since devised a plan to steal Vladimir’s freaky-ass bag. The only whispering was in exchange of plan details. But then again, how could you have known that?”

“You think that, after all we’ve been through? All the shit I endured, just to ask you to the Ball – the black eye, split lip, the embarrassment of probably being rejected – that I would just, what, ditch you for no reason?” He liked her, goddammit, why couldn’t she see that? “Apparently, doing anything for you comes with a hefty price tag, if not from your boy toy Aaron, then from the drawbacks of your own self-esteem.” A very harsh comment, but perhaps necessary, for her to see the truth. “I didn’t want you around me, Lydia, because I thought you would have been safe!” Then, quieter, “No one could have accounted for the motherfucking mosps that attacked us all… you’re welcome, by the way, for coming to your rescue. Sacrificing my health, once again, to help your ass. Guess we all know where that gets people.”

It was then, that the boy could properly absorb her words – his face would turn a deep shade of red, eyes darkening further as a dark scowl appeared on his face. “Wait… you’ve been talking to Ruka?” Now, what had the fire boy done with his crush? Rafa had gotten the chance to kill him once before, and had walked away. But, the boy wanted to mess with Lydia? He was going to murder that motherfucking son of a bitch… [/font]

-Interacting with: @Rafael D'Spacito -
-Mentioning: Anastasia Beckett, Wren Caster, Ruka Tân -

Almost immediately, Lydia could see Rafael's body language change, his face darkening more and more as she spoke. So this was the famous rage-tempered side of Rafael, apparently so scary and mean that more than one person had felt the need to warn her.

As the boy finally began to speak, his harsh words started digging inside Lydia's mind, tearing apart the little, fragile structure that was trying to hold together all of her emotions that were running wild inside of her. Her mind was a stormy sea of thoughts, the tall waves trying to destroy every tiny effort that the girl was putting into maintaining a composed appearance.

He was right, though.

Lydia had been selfish, back at the dance; she had been too focused on her own feelings, and didn't even notice until it was too late about the students that had been set on fire. As those screams came back to her mind, the red headed girl wrapped her arms around her, her jaw clenched hard; her eyes were fixed on the floor as Rafael's hurtful words kept coming in waves, every single one of them destroying a little bit more her fragile composure.

When Rafael's finger pointed at her, followed by his harsh, angry words, Lydia looked up at him, her eyes filled with a mix of anger and hurt. She wanted to move his hand away, to just tell him that if only he would have told any of that, she would have helped him, instead of creating all of this useless drama. But she didn't, instead she let him talk, letting the dagger-words stab her again and again. The worst thing of all was that Rafael was right, she had behaved in an extremely childish way, but that didn't make things any easier; she could see things from his point of view, the happenings of that damned night suddenly making way more sense.

As the Gryffindor Captain finished his angry monologue, Lydia's mind slightly confused by his words about Aaron and his black eye, the girl tried to put together all of the half thoughts that were running through her head. There were so many things to say, an endless stream of emotions fighting to prevail inside of the Hufflepuff girl. She sighed, shaking her head as she shrugged. "What can I say? I... you could have told me that, Rafael! About Wren, about her sketchy date, about everything!" she said, her voice slightly higher, as frustration started taking control of her. She raised her hands up, only to let them fall back down against her side, her bottom lip stuck between her teeth. "Yes, I was jealous okay? That usually happens when you see the person you like-"

Fuck.

Of all the moments, scenarios and ways that Lydia had imagined herself telling Rafael that she liked him, this one in particular had never crossed her mind; but that was how life had been going lately for her, all she could do was just accept it and move on -or at least, try to. Her eyes quickly moved to the floor, her eyebrows furrowed as she tried her best not to just break. "You know what? Maybe next time I will prick my finger on cursed flowers and go for a Burton. Might be better that way," her last words were almost a whisper, a fragile admission of something that the young girl couldn't even properly understand. She looked back up at Rafael, her green eyes still full of frustration and anger, mixed with the never-ending sadness that was tugging at her whole soul. "What- why are you brining my best friend into this? What does Aaron have to do with anything?"

She was so confused by the random mention of Aaron's name, but she didn't indulge over that too much, because Rafael's next works made her raise an eyebrow skeptically. " I beg your pardon? I- Well, I'm sorry that my self esteem and egos are not as big as you'd want them to be! And again, if you would have explained the situation, I would have made sure to help while being careful. But no, instead you didn't say a word!" she exploded, her voice echoing loud in the greenhouse.

Lydia instinctively took a step towards Rafael, closing the distance between them as she pointed at her bandaged hand. "And yes, I freaking talked with Ruka, and this was the result!" she almost shouted, her face flushed red as she started at the boy's face, her head uncomfortably tilted back as she looked up at him. "The funny thing is that we were actually talking about you! He insisted that you have the habit of just punching people for no reason, he kept talking about this... friend of his that apparently was so "innocent" that you had multiple fights with him. But I defended you since I know you're not that kind of person, that they must have done something to you to make you react that way. Anyway, I might have hurt my hand, but at least I broke his nose," As she thought back to that moment, a small - even kind of creepy- grin appeared on her face, as the satisfaction of punching the fire boy filled her again.

Lydia then clenched her jaw again, her eyes fixed into the boy's ones; she didn't move back, instead she kept her stance, her whole body slowly trying to calm down from the rollercoaster of emotions it was going through.

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Interacting With: @Lydia Cooper
Mentioning: Aaron Jones • Wren Caster • Jack Burnett • Ruka Tan
Hex Color: #800000

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“You could have told me that, Rafael! About Wren, about her sketchy date, about everything!”

The Captain’s demeanor was slowly degrading, his teeth bared and face only growing redder and redder as the moments strenuously wore on. This wasn’t fair, how dare she put this on him?! The truth be told, he’d tried to explain things at the ball, but his date had only left him with the enemy, running back to the arms of the one Rafael hated most – well, second-most. No one could trump the demon brat. But all that aside, it wasn’t fair, that she could so blatantly make this his fault. What had he done, but defend her? It was just so wrong, infuriating, to the point where the Gryf was beginning to get fed up with his verbal sentencing, ready to do something about it. This was more than evident in his demeanor, his hackles raised in defense much like a Lion ready to pounce on its prey, his eyes narrowed and mouth slightly parted. He was readying to launch his counterattack, prove to the girl that he had done nothing wrong – because if there was one thing he hated more than accusations, it was lies.

It would be then, that he would hear her words. "Yes, I was jealous okay? That usually happens when you see the person you like-"

Any semblance of conversation the child had once been maneuvering into existence shortly failed him in that moment, his mind going completely blank in surprise as he raced to catch up with her words. She… liked him? Was that coherently possible? A trick of his ears? Perhaps. But no such reassurances could stifle the look of pure, absolute shock as it washed across his facial features, taking with it all the anger once presiding in his demeanor. What… what did this mean? The feeling was mutual, then? Anyone looking at the boy now, would surely see the absolute change in his mood – it was almost as if he were frozen in time, the heat in his face completely deserting him in place for two wide eyes and a gaping mouth. He was shocked, and there was nothing he could do to hide it – what was he to say? Do?

It was then, that the child had an epiphany – why was she saying all this now, after the Ball? When, in the midst of the fear and adrenaline, she’d shown who’d truly had her allegiance? It hadn’t been he she’d run to, nor his name she’d called. It had been Aaron’s. The realization was like a dagger, cold and sharp, digging into the skin of his back, bringing tears to his eyes and leaving him breathless in shock. She was playing with his feelings. Using her veela charm to tug at her heartstrings, make him feel the ultimate pain. The perfect revenge for the so-called ‘heart’ he had allegedly broken at the ball. It was so unbelievable, and yet, the puzzle piece fit so perfectly, shading in the dark spots in a story that only grew harder and harder for the 11-year-old to see unfold. It was damaging. No – it was infuriating. For it may have worked once, but Rafael learned quick.

His eyes narrowing, face growing red, he growled at the angel girl, silently waiting for her to finish her monologue. When she would, the Lion would shortly pounce, showing the Hufflepuff exactly how he felt about her reindeer games. “So righteous, so just in your beliefs,” he would sneer, scowling with the most fearsome gaze he could muster. “I guess it’s your life, you’re entitled to an opinion. But don’t you fucking play with my feelings. You don’t like me.” He was angry, his feelings more than evident on his face – a beet-red demeanor, stiff gaze, taut shoulders, clenched fists. “I don’t know what this is, whether you’re trying to make me feel bad, distract me from my own feelings.” That was her game, right? Make him fall in love, then dash his heart into a million pieces? “You’re pretty good at messing with me, I’ll give you that. You made me feel like I could be myself. You gave me peace. But I’m not blind, not anymore. Even a blind person could have seen you crying to Aaron at the Ball.” He would chuckle wryly, trying to find some humor in the story, his eyes closed tightly as he shook his head, trying to dismiss the nightmare from his head. “I mean – I don’t know what you see in him. What’s the deal you two, anyway? Were you two together at some point? Or – wait. Don’t tell me. You still are?” It was a prod, not in any way serious, but all in the same, an accusation. “It’s more than obvious he has feelings for you. And before the ball, I thought it was just him. But now I don’t know. Why do I even bother with your feelings? It’s becoming more and more obvious that you’re playing with mine, veela.”

“What does he have to do with anything?” the Gryffindor roared on, his face growing even redder amidst the anger he felt. “I guess he didn’t tell you, then, that your presence at the ball came at the price of a bloody nose. That son of a bitch can’t even look at me without having an aneurysm. You know,” he laughed forcibly, “I honestly tried to talk to him. Ask him if it would be okay with him, to take you to the dance. Like a normal human being who respects his fellow student. But what did Aaron do?” The Captain shook his head in rage, staring right at the girl he was grilling. “He fucking insulted me, called me a bad Captain. And then he attacked me unprovoked. I was surprised at first, but it makes total sense now. He likes you. Some company you keep, Lydia. I’m not impressed in the least.” Then, moving on to other matters, “Don’t you dare say I could’ve told you. God knows I tried. You were the one who ran away, not me. That one’s on you. How about asking up-front next time?” Would there be a next time? Rafa didn’t know. It didn’t matter. “Instead of gossiping to your old flame or, whatever the hell you two are supposed to be.”

There would be no time to dwell on these words further, however, because the Captain’s train-of-thought was moving faster than his broom on a good Quidditch Game. Lowering his voice, he regarded the veela girl with a dangerous eye. “You should know better than to associate yourself with a snake. People will start talking,” he muttered thoughtfully. “Jack Burnett isn’t someone you want to be in-league with, call it regard for your social life, your physical health, even. Talking to his – his Circle of Cronies – it’s unbefitting of a smart person such as yourself.” She deserved at least that much, for what she was putting him through – even he could acknowledge a good thinker. “The Fox is far from innocent, the same for Ruka. Your life is yours, but you want my advice? Stay away from the both of them.”

-Interacting with @Rafael D'Spacito-
-Mentioning Aaron Jones, Ruka Tân, Jack Burnett-

If there was something that Rafael had always made Lydia feel, was safe. Every time they would meet and hang out, no matter how dangerous the situation was, the young boy always made her feel completely comfortable and protected.

So Lydia couldn’t help the look of shock that appeared on her face as Rafael, for the first time since she had known him, scared her. His face distorted in anger, his skin red as he was visibly upset, his body language and his eyes made Lydia take a small step back, as her mouth stayed slightly open, her eyes trying to stay fixed on the boy in front of her.

Then, all of a sudden, as the girl accidentally confessed her feelings to him, Lydia could see the look of pure confusion and shock written all over his face. The anger seemed to vanish, and for a brief second, the red headed girl thought that maybe the fight was over.

But then, tears seemed to collect in Rafael’s eyes, just as his face started to show signs of anger all over again. And after that, his words followed.

They were harsher than ever, hurting Lydia and at the same time confusing her, making her upset as well. How could he say any of that, how could he even think that she was that kind of person to begin with? The implied confession of his feelings towards her got registered by her brain, even though she did not properly realise it yet.

She tried her best not to interrupt him, to let him finish talking, but when he insinuated that she was trying to play him -he even called her “Veela” but the girl was completely oblivious to what that meant for now at least- she couldn’t hold back anymore.

“Are you completely dead from the neck up, Raf?!” She exploded as she moved close to him again. “Me, playing with your feelings? I would never do that, you blimey idiot! I-” The Same little voice in her head that had told her to punch Ruka, in that moment was telling her to go and slap Rafael in the face; even though the thought might have been tempting, Lydia knew better than doing the same mistake all over again.

Shaking her head, and putting to rest that annoying voice, she looked back at the Gryffindor Captain, her eyes fixed on him as he started talking about Aaron and- did he just say Aaron had attacked him? The way he talked about it, how his voice sounded upset yes, but also real, Lydia knew that Rafael wasn’t lying, that Aaron had indeed started a fight with him.

A million questions filled her mind; why would he do something like that, when he knew how Lydia felt about Rafael, why- then, all of a sudden, she remembered how, just a couple of days earlier, Aaron had almost defended Ruka when she had told him about the punch. Frowning, confused, Lydia realised that her best friend did not like the Gryffindor boy at all; how could she have been that blind and never notice any of that?

“I didn’t know, he- he never told me about any of this,” she said, as she sustained the boy’s gaze, his eyes burning into hers. “And please, stop talking about Aaron as if he were my boyfriend. He’s my best friend, almost like a brother, not a boyfriend! Of course I ran to him, I felt hurt, I thought you- you did not care about me or my feelings in the slightest. So yeah, next time I should ask you, that is true, but how about you just talk to me before running off god know where?”

As the boy changed topic and started talking about Ruka and someone called Jack Burnett, Lydia did not move her eyes away from Rafael’s, no matter how dangerous he looked. “Don’t worry, I’m not planning on talking to Ruka ever again. One time was more than enough,” she chuckled dryly, before becoming serious all over again.

Even after everything that happened, everything she had told him, the boy still did not believe her; his words about how she was playing with his feelings, pretending to like him, kept going through her mind as she finally realised what that meant.

What could she do to make him understand that she wasn’t lying, that she did like him?

Part of Lydia wanted to tell Rafael to just forget it, and call it quits; he wasn’t willing to listen to her, so why would she keep trying and trying to argue with him? Another part of her though, the biggest and loudest one, kept telling her not to give up -if on Rafael, on this or who knows what, Lydia wasn’t too sure. An idea started forming in her mind; it might have been a little extreme, but...

Sighing, she shook her head. “You still don’t believe me, do you?” Her voice was small, but somehow determined; without any notice, the red headed girl grabbed the boy by his hoodie -her right hand screaming in pain- and pulled him down towards her while at the same time, she got up on her tippy toes as she connected her lips with Rafael’s.

This definitely was not how she had pictured her first kiss; in her mind, it would have been more romantic, and not to try and convince her crush that she liked him. But so far, everything between her and Rafael has been different than normal, so why would this be any different.

Having no experience -after all she was only 12- Lydia didn’t know exactly what to do, or how long a kiss was supposed to be; in movies and tv shows, they always looked either fake or exaggerated, so she followed her gut and after what, to her, felt like a normal amount of time, she broke the kiss.

Her heart was beating fast in her chest, its sound loud in her ears; her eyes looked for Rafael’s, a glimpse of hope shining in them.

────────────────── ♛ ──────────────────

Interacting With: @Lydia Cooper
Mentioning: @Aaron Jones, Vladimir Athatanos, Anastasia Beckett
Hex Color: #800000

─────────────────── • ───────────────────

“Are you completely dead from the neck up, Raf?!”

Such a question would simply not do, Rafael couldn’t help but lament sourly to himself, his features growing visibly red-tinted and gaze sharpening with each moment that ticked past on the clock. Obviously he was the competent one, he was the right! The narrator’s opinion, however, differed greatly from that of the impulsive Captain – yes, would be the answer to the poor girl’s anxiously-stated inquiry, the boy was completely and utterly dead from the neck up, though Rafael, haughty as he may be, would do little to even entertain such a notion, let alone concede to its nature. Yes, the boy couldn’t think, couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe without aggravation shocking his existence, fists clenching in the raw anger that he felt – but such a predicament had little to do with his competence. You see, Rafael D’Spacito didn’t like to be used. It was, in fact, a feeling he hated above all others, succeeded closely only by the idea of losing – however, with every word that Lydia uttered, the boy felt himself further cornered in a haphazardly-spun trap he had woven with his own words, his grasp on his own sanity slipping as he tripped over his own words, sense of who he was… Lydia was unreadable in the most fickle sort of way, her feelings seemingly past visible emotions, her motives hidden from his midst better than one crouching under the folds of an invisibility cloak. And that was what frustrated Rafael the most.

It was frustrating, because she was winning, and he was losing, and it wasn’t fair that she was so goddamn beautiful. And Jesus Christ. What was the point of them arguing, anyways? How easy would it be to just make up, walk away and let her get away with her sin? Alas, Rafael was far more stubborn than that – his endurance was a trait that had gotten him through many a tough a situation and had destroyed many of his relationships all the same. Regardless, he would be loathe to discard it, now that he needed it the most. Hell, he wanted to scream his lungs out, punch something, shout at the girl in front of him, tell her everything buried deep within his soul, his darkest secrets, deepest regrets, inmost insecurities, and yet… he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t trust anyone. Not even Lydia, the girl who had done no wrong. She’d run to Aaron Jones, his own insecurity voiced within his thoughts, his scowl only growing deeper as his murky gaze considered the angelic redhead gracing his presence with eyes sharper than the sword of his house’s namesake. She hadn’t come to me. No, she had chosen him – she’d hurt me. But who’s fault was that? another voice in his head whispered, a silvery voice of reason calling out to him in the midst of his godforsaken trance. No, he would refuse to call it his own, not now that he found himself losing this duel of words. Had he been right initially? Perhaps. Was he going about his explanation the wrong way? Most certainly. Yet, there was no reasoning, no words he could put in his own heart to change the direction of his feelings, untangle the discord strewn within his chest. He wanted to show her the pain he so errantly felt. He wanted her to feel the knife she had so perfectly stabbed him with, twisting it so carefully as to have riddled his thoughts for many an eve.

This was a lovers’ war, he supposed idly. And Rafael would not lose, he refused to. Not even to Lydia.

Lydia’s ignorance, admittingly, had come as quite a shock to the young Captain – how was it not increasingly obvious to the girl that her best friend was head-over-heels for her beautiful nature, angelic disposition? The Hufflepuff was smarter than most, but was it possible that her own friendly feelings for her schoolmate had blinded her from the truth? Rafael couldn’t know for sure – but that didn’t change the facts at hand. If Lydia didn’t want to say it, then the Captain would in her stead, loud enough and sharp enough to force her into a revelation. “Why?” he would begin with a shout, putting his hands out wide as he shook his head in an angry sort of befuddlement. “Why can’t I call it like it is? Because you want to live in your own childish fantasy? Wake the fuck up!” It wasn’t fair, that she could ignore the facts, not when he fell victim to her decisions. It wasn’t fair! None of it was! “What, you think he has an issue with me because I got pissed at him during our little get-together on the Pitch?” Then, pausing a moment to let his words sink in, he would cross his arms and continue. “He hated me from the moment he first saw me – there was nothing I could say, nothing I could do, to change his mind. And why do you think that is?” A bitter laugh escaped his lips. “I – I mean, hell, I didn’t know you liked me until now. Did he know? Was it your little inside joke or something?” Then, scowling as his voice quieted to a talking voice, “I can tell you for a fact that he didn’t find it very amusing. He left the evidence of his opinion ON MY FACE.”

Then, at the indication that he should have to explain himself to the Hufflepuff, he couldn’t help but allow a bitter laugh to escape his lips, his gaze only increasing in intensity as he growled out a response to such a notion. “Do I need to tell you everything?” he spat defensively. God, she sounded like his mother – why couldn’t anyone be thankful for his assistance? “How many times do I have to say it? I wanted to SAVE YOU!” Then, deciding to chew her out in his inside voice, “And what, what if I had told you? What would that have accomplished?” His eyes narrowed. “You’d ask questions, and we’d both lose time while Vladimir and company damns us to hell. Or maybe, maybe you’d want to actually come with me! You think I want to put you in danger?” Then, his gaze intensifying further, “I will never. NEVER. Let someone I l – “ he paused, reevaluating his sentence, “ – I know, put themselves in danger due to my actions. Explaining things out in a situation like that, it isn’t worth it to me, do you understand that?” The memory of a burning Ana greeted his immediate memory, and for a moment, he could only look down, rubbing his face as to clear his mind of the sour image. “This,” he eventually gestured between the two, “this is the result of me wanting to protect you? What – “ he laughed almost hysterically, shaking his head. “I don’t know what to say. I can’t win.”

“You still don’t believe me, do you?” He hadn’t.

Not until she’d kissed him.

Rafael, admittingly, hadn’t even seen it coming at first – once an angry opposite, one would have expected an short response from the poor Lydia, a painful form of retaliation meant to make the Gryffindor suffer for his ill dialogue. And upon watching the girl’s hand stretch outwards, the Captain had anticipated it, his cheek turning to the right as to soften the blow of her outstretched hand as he watched with careful eyes the movements of the veela girl. But she didn’t retaliate. The tug on his hoodie was subtle, her gentle grip pulling him closer to the redhead, and before Rafael could realize what exactly was going on, there were lips on his… her lips. A fact that left the boy utterly, one-hundred-percent frozen in shock. What… what was she doing? Why was his heart racing a million miles a minute? Why did he want to laugh and cry at the same time? Why was time moving in slow motion, every single moment standing still as the boy remained imprisoned in a single second? It didn’t make sense, none of it made sense. Lydia didn’t really like him – that’s why she’d run to Aaron, right? Which meant that this was all a trick, an ill-conceived illusion meant to convince him of her loyalty… anyone could fake it…

But not Lydia. He knew it was real this time.

That’s why he kissed back.

The moments would pass slower than Christmas itself, time ticking far too slow for the Captain to properly compensate for, and yet, the moment ended far too quickly, the girl pulling away and leaving him desolate and alone in his own feelings. It was over. It was over, and his hands were shaking in his pockets, and why did he feel so damn awkward? No, he wouldn’t be able to understand. He couldn’t understand much at this point, other than what it meant to be properly befuddled. He’d been convinced of… but she… no, he couldn’t think. It was too information to bear, and he was far too overloaded with emotion to process it regardless. His face, once riddled with anger, defensiveness, was now a mixture of confusion, surprise… insecurity, now a shining betrayal of his code and all it meant to him. The anxiety was too much. He couldn’t do this. “I –“ he gaped silently, shaking his head as if to clear it of a horrid image, before his voice returned, “I – “ He what? Liked it? Yeah, damn right he did. Had he been ready for it? Not in the least. He’d imagined kissing Lydia many a time, but actually doing had so much different than… he didn’t know what to say. Words couldn’t do it justice.

But it didn’t feel quite right, in a sense that he couldn’t really describe. And it had nothing to do with the veela girl. No, this was his problem – and as much as he hated it, there was nothing he could do to erase that fact. “I can’t – “ he couldn’t settle this score, not right now. It was time to retreat. The Captain could say no more, his vocal cords sealed as his eyes fell to his shoes, the ceiling, anywhere but the eyes of the girl. He couldn’t look at her. He rubbed his face. An attempt to wipe away all the frustrations and confusion plastered upon his features, but to no avail, for no matter how hard he would try to clear his thoughts, they would be eternally stained by the lips of Lydia Cooper. “I’m sorry.” He wouldn’t wait for a mere second more, throwing his hood over his head and turning towards the exit. And he was. He was sorry… for everything.

Rafael left feeling smaller than he had come.

Rafael leaves the thread

-Interacting with @Rafael D'Spacito-
-Mentioning: Aaron Jones-

When she had asked Rafael to see him so they could talk, Lydia had not imagined that the discussion would ever gotten so heated: she was frustrated with the Gryffindor captain, and he was angry and upset with the red headed girl; she could understand it a little, the way she had behaved was not nice, but... the way he acted, so full of rage, his burning into hers, that she could not understand.

Trying to lock out that part of her that wanted to smack Rafael across the face was getting more and more difficult, his words cutting deeper and deeper into her soul. When he started talking about Aaron and he told her - or well, screamed at her almost- to wake up, she looked at the boy more confused than ever. What was she supposed to understand, what was she missing? Lydia decided not to say anything, and instead listened to the Quidditch Captain, trying to make sense of what he was saying.

The more she listened to him, the more confused, and almost in denial, she got; what Rafael was saying, that Aaron didn't like him that much, she had figured that out earlier. What she hadn't understood yet was the reason why; she had assumed it was just a feeling, sometimes you could not like someone just by talking to them, but what Rafael was suggesting, that Aaron had a crush on Lydia...

That could not be true, could it?

They were best friends... and he still punched Rafael, and almost defended Ruka the other day.

Weirdly enough, the idea that Aaron might have a crush on her actually made sense, and it would explain why the Badger Boy did not like Rafael. Lydia's anger faded away as that thought filled her head; she needed to talk with her best friend as soon as she could, and talk things out -hopefully with less fighting than the conversation she was having now, even though she was also pretty upset with her best friend for not having told her about the punch.

Rafael then continued talking as Lydia decided not to say anything, even though he would have been able to read on her face the moment she had realised what he meant. He said again that he wanted to save her, to make sure she was away from danger, and the Hufflepuff girl found herself shaking her head a little; she wasn't a damsel in distress that needed to be saved, she was perfectly able to take care of herself.

“I don’t know what to say. I can’t win.”

At these words Lydia's eyes, that had been staring at the ground for a while, raced up to meet the Gryffindor's ones. "Wha- there's nothing to win here, Rafael. This is not a war," she sighed almost in defeat. How could she show him that what was going on between them was not a battle that someone needed to win?

All of those thoughts however got put aside the moment she had kissed him.

At first it looked like he was expecting her to hit him, with the way he had angled his face and everything; Lydia also wasn't too sure if she was doing it the right way, her lips over Rafael's unmoving ones; she thought she had done a big mistake, that maybe he did not like her like that. He was basically frozen there, on the spot, and for a second Lydia started internally freaking out. But then he kissed her back, and the red headed girl could feel her heart do a backflip in her chest, as butterflies seemed to start flying around in her stomach. She had read so many books, seen so many movies where first kisses happened, and a part of her always thought that they all exaggerated, that the feeling in the stomach, the rush of happiness, that all of that was a lie. But that was not true, because that was exactly how she was feeling in that moment; all of the problems, the fights, the hurt that had happened between her and Rafael seemed to disappear, completely irrelevant to how happy she was feeling in that moment.

When the kiss was over, Lydia could not help the big, bright smile that appeared on her lips; her hands let go of Rafael's hoodie as she kept them close to her chest, her right hand slightly over her mouth almost as if she tried to hid the happiness she was feeling. Her eyes were shining as well, bright and even a little nervous as they stared at Rafael's face as she tried to understand him.

Lydia had hoped to find the same kind of happiness written over the Gryffindor's boy face, but instead she found him looking confused, and her smile became smaller as anxiety started to fill her chest. The boy tried to speak, but it looked like his voice did not want to cooperate. But when it finally did, Lydia wished he had remained silent.

"I can't-"

"I'm sorry."

Four words.

That was all it took for Rafael to break Lydia's heart in a million pieces, as if it was made out of glass and he had smashed it onto the ground. A mix of expressions waltzed over the girl's face as the smile completely disappeared, leaving her confused and hurt; the hand that was over her mouth was now at the edge of the hoodie, tugging it away from her neck; her eyes were still on the boy, and when he threw the hood over his head and walked away, Lydia did not stop or follow him. She kept staring at the plants that were now in front of her, as cold started spreading through her body, starting right from her heart. She was feeling as if she was drowning, but there was no water around her, and soon the red headed girl found herself taking a deep breath as she realised she hadn't done that in a while.

When something wet fell on her right hand, that was still on the edge of her hoodie, Lydia realised she was crying. She quickly dried the tears from her face, wiping them away with the hem of her sleeve, before she realised how stupid she must have looked from the outside, standing there, all alone, in the middle of the Herbology greenhouse.

However, she did not care. She actually took a couple of steps and leaned against the counter as she tried her best to make the room spin less. Since when did she hyperventilate? And since when did she cry like that, where everyone could see her? It had already happened back in the trophy room, and she didn't want a repeat of that.

In that moment, Lydia decided that she needed to go back to the safety of her dorm.

At that's what she did; she walked out of the greenhouse, leaving the pieces of her heart on the ground, her mind more confused than ever.

Thread finished.