Wow, This is Spectacularly Awkward... Finished

Oh terrific. He'd terrified her.

Scott had, upon realising the many students around him were slowly finishing their own meals and starting to get up off of their seats, readied himself to do the same. He'd decided, hadn't he, that he had something quite important to do once dinner was finished? He'd decided on it already at the start, upon first spotting her down the table. It just couldn't wait any longer, no matter how much his every instinct was currently telling him to just forget about everything and go back to obliviously enjoying the younger girl's peculiar company.

And even though that's probably something she'd even prefer herself (Scott had to assume this was the case by the way she was dashing towards the door after having met his eyes again), he felt a heavy sort of responsibility. It wasn't fair, what Ami had done, and Scott needed Anastasia to know that however oblivious he still was: he knew that much.

So an epic chase scene it was.

Excusing himself from the table to Alan, and telling his friend goodnight since I need to get something done before patrolling. And they'll probably want to go through the new rules with us, as well..., Scott had stood up to follow Anastasia through the crowd, careful not to lose sight of her.

The girl was small, that was true, and quick- but it still wasn't difficult to distinguish a panicked fish in a sea of post-dinner sleepy Hogwarts students...

She was shuffling past pupil after pupil as she made her way towards the exit, frequently throwing paranoid glances back over her shoulder, only to apparently never catch sight of him again since she took the time to stop by the door to breathe...

Oh, did he feel bad about tapping her shoulder.

"Anastasia? Look, I just thought we could take a little moment to talk if-"

The second-year girl damn near jumped under his palm at the sound of his voice, and spun around to face him with just the expression he'd feared she'd carry. It wasn't the embarrassment he'd seen in her when they first got to know each other, nor the dead mortification she'd shown at the ball... She looked like merely seeing him was like agony for her.

Still, she spoke fast:

"Oh! Scott! I didn't see you... Sorry, but I really have to get myself back to the tower. Studying... Essays.... all that stuff. I'm a busy girl! But it was fantastic seeing you, still. Bye!"

Scott sighed as the girl turned quickly around to leave again, and made a point of not letting her shoulder go. He knew she was lying, of course, because even Anastasia (who he knew had had to work all term with catching up on the work she'd missed whilst travelling abroad) couldn't possibly have any essays due these very last days of the school year.

No. She was trying to get away from him, just like he felt like getting away from her. But he was older, Scott reminded himself, and it felt like his job.

So, instead of stopping the girl in her tracks (because they were, after all, stood right in the doorway of the Great Hall and had students trying to pass them every other second), Scott ushered the second-year forwards as kindly as he could with his hand resting on her shoulder.

"That's alright, that's okay, I get that." He said all the while, not deeming it necessary to call her out on her lie at all, and stopping only as the two could find themselves in the significantly less crowded Small Hall. There, he let her go, positioning himself next to her and continuing to walk at a slower and more conversational pace.

"It's just that I need to get to the tower as well," He lied. "And would like to keep you company. After all, they did recommend we never walk alone, did they not? And I care for your safety, as well as my own."

Then Scott stopped the two right in their tracks, and let out yet another sigh. He was still procrastinating it, wasn't he?

Looking at Anastasia, Scott felt the guilty knot in his chest tighten. They were close to a wall now as they'd need to turn a corner to head towards the staircases, so positioning himself with his back towards the centre of the room Scott created the privacy he needed to get this over with as soon as possible, whilst still keeping some distance between the two.

"I'm sorry. I am. I don't want, well, I don't want to keep you from anything tonight, but I need you to at least know that. I know it took me a while to just.. it... I don't know.

I didn't know, is what I'm trying to say. I had no idea."

Blushing, and cursing himself mad over it, Scott caught himself hoping that maybe Anastasia would get suddenly mad at him for even suggesting that what Ami had yelled at the two of them had been even the slightest bit true- but he knew that would be cruel to assume, however tempting. He might get out of the awkwardly conceited idea of someone being interested in him... but she'd end up in an even more agonising position in the process.

"And I can't really do anything right now, but assume how it must've felt the night of the ball. Or, well, before... So can we please talk about it? Because I do care. And I don't like not knowing what to say."

Ana had nearly screamed when she had felt a hand on her shoulder. Since the ball, people, pets, blankets, really anything that was at all warm touching her sent waves of panic through her. Scott's hand was no different. Despite the fact that she registered it was him, his hand on her shoulder, not the flames licking her body, the panic spread through her and her shoulders tensed as she fought to prevent yet another round of hyperventilating. Her speech was fast, and a spectacularly shitty lie. Essays? Who had essays due this late in the year? She could have gone with just about anything else, including washing her hair that would have made more sense.

Scott's hand gripping her shoulder was feeling hotter and hotter, and Ana bit her lip in an attempt to prevent a public and embarrassing freakout. Despite the fact that he reminded her of the ball, and she had avoided him for nearly two months, her stomach still seemed fill itself with butterflies any time they spoke. She really, really didn't want to freak out all over him. She had to maintain what little dignity she had. Although, considering what had happened at the ball, she was pretty sure she had just about nothing to lose when it came to Scott and his opinion of her.

God, why did he have to be so amazing and kind? Instead of calling out her lie and being offended, Scott just rolled with it and ushered her out. Why couldn't he just be a complete asshole? That would solve all her problems. She could deny liking him in any way, demand he took his hand off her, punch him in his perfect face, walk away and not have to give any of it a second thought. Fortunately, right about then, they entered the Small Hall and he let go of her. She exhaled slightly and her racing heart began to slow slightly. It was just as well for both of them, since she was able to actually think about what he was saying now that she wasn't so focused on his hand.

"Yes, I suppose they did say to go places in pairs," Ana said, her voice still faster than its normal pace, but slower than before. She hoped Scott didn't notice that stupid new rasp to her voice. She didn't know if it was the smoke or the screaming, but after the ball, this rasp seemed to have just refused to completely go away. It sounded alright she supposed, but it reminded her of something she very much didn't want to be reminded of. She also couldn't help smiling slightly when he mentioned caring for her safety. That was more than she could say for herself. Nothing she had done in the history of ever had been the actions of someone who gave a flying rat's ass about their own safety. People who cared about their safety didn't jump off buildings, set random things on fire, set themselves on fire, or continue to fight people in a terribly weakened state. Quite frankly, no sane person did any of those things either.

Scott's apology took her by surprise and her eyes softened as the two stopped and glanced at him. "Oh, believe me, you really have nothing to apologize for, Scott," she said. He was one of the few people from the ball that didn't owe her an apology and yet here he was apologizing. Her pale cheeks reddened when he said he didn't know. God, he probably thought she'd been avoiding him because of what Ami/Chad had done. While that was part of it, that certainly wasn't the entire reason.

"Oh, I- um-, what Ami- said, that's alright, there's, um, not really anything to talk about," she said, stopping awkwardly every few words. God, normally she was a far better liar than this. Glancing at her hands, she decided to focus on wringing her hands together than what she was about to say. "I mean, I, there might be something to talk about, but, um, we really, really don't actually have to. It's fine." She bit her lip before glancing up at Scott and meeting his eyes. God, this was so not a conversation she wanted to have.

"Oh, believe me, you really have nothing to apologise for, Scott."

The boy in front of her let out an exasperated and loud groan at this, one that hopefully didn't seem too directed at her- because he did need to apologise. It was quite typical, frankly, that she wouldn't see that.

Being suddenly very unfair to Anastasia, Scott couldn't help but wonder why she was making this even more difficult. Apologising was the one part of this mess that was somewhat familiar to him. The one thing he knew he could do well... But, he supposed, chances were that Anastasia was also just trying to do what she did best- and maybe that was brushing it off. Or playing it off.

After all, he'd done little but force her to have this conversation with him now. But whilst he felt bad about it, because he did feel bad about it, Scott didn't trust himself enough to let something like this wait an entire summer. He was more of a Gryffindor than at least that.

Of course, the boy would sooner die than admit it might've had something to do with the way Ami had spoken to him later that same night.

"And I thought Gryffindors were supposed to be brave..."

It wasn't just to himself he was trying to prove his courage.

"Oh, I- um-, what Ami- said, that's alright, there's, um, not really anything to talk about,"

She wasn't looking too well. Red in the face, avoiding his eyes for a long time until she as if forced herself to look at him. Scott wasn't used to that at all, and it didn't feel right. People shouldn't have a hard time talking or being with him. He'd relied quite heavily on that truth his entire life.

Was that yet another thing that would change?

"I mean, I, there might be something to talk about, but, um, we really, really don't actually have to. It's fine."

"I want to, though! And not because of what she said about... you know... Well that's a lie, I do care about that bit. But what I mean is, she shouldn't have said what she said. Not any of it. It wasn't alright to do, and I wish I'd have told her off better before you left, because it wasn't her place."

Scratching the back of his head frantically, Scott blinked once or twice as he tried to remember what exactly it was he had decided to say those few minutes ago, when he'd been so determined to stop the girl in her tracks. Surely there must've been something...

Giving up in his search for "just the right words", Scott met the girl's eyes carefully.

"She called you some horrible things, Anastasia. Things that just weren't true, that aren't true. And you shouldn't ever have had to hear them! She was mad at me, not you!

You're not a pathetic excuse for a kid, you're not embarrassing, you're not... Well I just wanted you to know that. Because I should've said it then. I should've found a way to... but I couldn't, because I... I didn't know..."

Scott sighed as he stopped scratching his neck, and let his hands rest around his sides in defeat. He wasn't about to admit to her, that the mere notion that a girl could have the faintest interest in him had shocked him to the point of complete inability to form coherent thoughts for a solid five minutes... but he was also tired of stuttering.

"I brought her along, so that's on me. We haven't talked since."

Scott's groan caught her by surprise and she shot him a strange look. She didn't want or need an apology from him. True, she was trying to play it off and forget that stupid night ever happened, but it was more than that. Scott was genuinely one of the few people she hadn't been livid at after the ball. She hadn't spoke to Rafa for over a week after, and had harbored some resentment and irritation towards just about everyone else she knew. While she had avoided Scott, it hadn't been out of anger, it had been more out of embarrassment and pain.

In any event, if he tried to force the apology, she was going to snap at him. The only person he would be making feel better was himself, since he clearly felt guilty about something. Ana crossed her arms slightly before glancing up at him again.

Scott persisted with wanting this stupid and painfully awkward conversation to continue. God, why couldn't he just let it go and not speak to her anymore? The school had hundreds, maybe thousands of students, so what was not speaking to one of them? "Scott, you can't control what other people say or do. She's her own person and she made her own choices. None of that's on you and I promise I don't blame you for it," Ana replied, her voice sounding a bit more irritated than she would have liked. "I think the Ball taught all of us that there are things that just can't be controlled."

When Scott began vehemently countering the things Ami had said, Ana was filled with too wildly conflicting emotions. The first was a rush of warmth and affection for the boy. Had he honestly felt that badly about something his friend had said months ago? The second and more dominant though was annoyance. How could he think that was what had been bothering her and why she'd been avoiding him? Ami was someone she had met a handful of times in conjunction with the paper and only actually spoken to on the two occasions with Scott. "Are you actually serious right now, Scott?" Ana demanded, her voice angry but also thick as though she was fighting back the urge to cry. "Obviously, I know I'm none of those things. I honestly could not care less about that part of it. Please tell me that you don't honestly believe that's why I've been avoiding you for so long?"

Scott was still more focused on the fact that he had brought Ami and she had said some mean things to Ana. It wasn't like she hadn't said anything Ana hadn't already heard a million times from other students and her parents. At some point, if one was going to survive in the world, they had to build up a thick skin. "Come on, we both know that's not why you and I haven't spoken since then," Ana said, exasperated. Her stupid voice kept sounding like it was going to break and betray her any moment. "It's because I liked you, Scott. Like, as in more than a friend kind of way. I wanted to ask you to the Ball as an actual date and tell you then. And then Ami felt it necessary to ruin it in every possible way. That's why I've been avoiding you." She wanted to punch herself in the face. Or Scott. Or Ami. Really anyone involved in the shit storm that had been her attempt at a date. Mostly herself though. She had resolved to move on with her life and just not speak to Scott ever again. Certainly not tell him about her feelings...

"Are you actually serious right now, Scott? Obviously, I know I'm none of those things. I honestly could not care less about that part of it. Please tell me that you don't honestly believe that's why I've been avoiding you for so long?"

Feeling how the words coming out of her mouth hit him like brick after brick, Scott recoiled back into himself just as fast as he had just managed to get out... Because he knew what was coming. Painfully well, did he know. But why, he had to wonder, had she been so offended? Why was her ringing voice so eerily like the worst ones in his life? He'd only done what he thought was decent, only what he'd always been taught to do... Since he couldn't possibly assume that Ami had approached the girl in front of him herself in order to apologise, and since he knew that Anastasia deserved to hear an apology at all costs, then why shouldn't it come from him? He knew he wasn't responsible for other people's actions, just like she said, but he didn't care about responsibility right now.

"It's what I would've done..." Scott replied, quietly but truthfully. It was clear to him now, that Anastasia had taken his suggestion that she'd taken Ami's harsh words to heart, as a great insult. And therefor he needed her to understand that he hadn't assumed those things because he considered her vain, weak or fragile- but rather because he was. That it was because, if someone had said those horrible things to him, then he wouldn't have been able to go a day without torturing himself using them.

If Anastasia was stronger than that, then Scott was happy to hear it. But he couldn't take that chance. He'd needed her to know that she didn't deserve to ponder over it all, the way he would've done himself. The way he did, all the time, over the things people had called him. Constantly.

"But maybe I'm just silly like that..."

"Come on, we both know that's not why you and I haven't spoken since then,"

And there she was again. In that condescending, you should know better than this-voice- Ami, in all her everything:

She's straight up pining over you, Scott... Don't you get it?

He hadn't got it. At what point was he supposed to get it? When had he crossed the line from childishly oblivious to harmfully idiotic? To the kind of idiot that doesn't understand what's private, that doesn't realise why two girls are fighting until it's too late, and that somehow even manages to apologise for it wrong...

Ben had always said this would be the way it turned out, hadn't he? Always rejoiced in imagining Scott's credulity and cluelessness playing the parts he wanted in his little brother's failed attempts at friendships. Yet Scott had always had enough confidence to believe his brother to be wrong.

Well, apparently not.

Because now Ami thought so, too. And Anastasia the same.

"It's because I liked you, Scott. Like, as in more than a friend kind of way. I wanted to ask you to the Ball as an actual date and tell you then. And then Ami felt it necessary to ruin it in every possible way. That's why I've been avoiding you."

"Right. Of course." His voice was quick, letting the words go the second Anastasia finished talking, and no later... His brain didn't need to process what she'd just said. He knew it all already.

He only supposed that, on some level, he'd hoped that being called "a pathetic excuse for a kid", "borderline desperate" and "a cookie-cutter trust-fund-baby" was somehow worse than being accused of liking him. If only because it was much easier to apologise for... Then again, he couldn't very well claim to know what the latter felt like, could he? He didn't get it.

"It was... because..." He felt like he was admitting to a crime. "-you liked me."

Did she not realise that in saying this, out loud, Scott felt like he was doing the most conceited thing possible? Could she not tell how, while he was in part embarrassed like most boys would be, he was also positively ashamed? Not of her, but of himself?

"You're right. You're right, that's- that's why we haven't talked. And it's why I can't really talk now, either... And part of why I felt like I had to apologise. You're right."

Finding himself backing slightly away from the girl now, hand rubbing his arm and eyes hopelessly still avoiding hers, Scott let out an uncomfortable and short laugh.

"Can't really blame me for doubting it though, can you? When I act like this. Nothing much attractive about idiots, is there."

With his stray eyes landing on a moving group of fifth-year Gryffindor girls, all leaving the Great Hall together whilst loudly chatting about the same announcements he and Anastasia had just been there to listen to, Scott shook his head. Neither of them had felt any better through this conversation than they'd done before.

"I shouldn't have pulled you aside. I wanted to get something over and done with but that was selfish of me. People shouldn't just be dealt with, especially not people we care about."

Scott felt the heat burn his cheeks as he forced himself to meet her eyes again. They conveyed everything from sadness and fury to exhaustion... Worst thing was that he couldn't even do what felt natural, and apologise. That only made her angry.

"Those girls are all heading for our tower now. You could walk with them, if you want, to follow the guidelines- and I could go ahead and patrol. I'm sorry for keeping you."

Stumbling back and waiting for her agreement, it seemed like he just couldn't help himself.

The small bit of wind that was propelling her anger completely disappeared when Scott replied. His voice was far quieter than she'd ever heard him talk before and it felt weird to see him vulnerable like that. Her heart broke a little for him when she thought about the repercussions of what he said. Ana was pretty well able to ignore the taunts and names she was called from time to time and even took some of them in stride. She supposed part of the reason she really didn't care that much was because at some level, what they said was true. Ana knew she wasn't the best person in the world - she was temperamental, incredibly selfish at times, impulsive, more than a little bit of a bully, and held no regard for the feelings or safety of others. She was pretty well aware of her many flaws, and knew that, especially to some, she could be seen as an absolutely terrible person.

However, the very idea that someone so obviously good as Scott would take such harmful words to heart made her very angry at the world. Scott had his flaws, to be sure, but from what Ana could see, they were far less numerous and far less harmful than most other people's. Even if some of that perception was from her crush on him, it seemed to her that anyone could admit that Scott was pretty much all that was good in the world. If she wasn't in the middle of whatever this was, she would hunt down and fight everyone who had ever called Scott anything other than amazing.

Ana shook her head slightly when Scott called himself silly. God, that wasn't what she had meant to happen. Tears began to slip out of her eyes, and she cursed silently at the loss of her anger. It had been hurting Scott, but it had also apparently been the only thing that was stopping her from weeping.

Scott's voice when he said that she liked him out loud cut more deeply than anything else he'd said. The way he said it, you would have thought Ana had just confessed to kidnapping and murdering puppies and feeding them to Scott. He sounded weirdly guilty about it, which made her feel guilty and then somewhat offended. Boys in at least 10 different countries would have loved to hear something like this, and hearing it had hurt Scott. Of course she would have developed feelings for one of the only guys she knew that wouldn't have completely tripping all over himself around her.

God, she just could never do anything right. She hated knowing that, but it was the truth. She'd grown up hearing it from her parents, but at some point, the little voice inside her had decided to start saying it. She couldn't ask a guy to a ball without making it weird and ending up with some confusing friend date situation. She couldn't go to a ball without ditching her date, and then getting into three different fights and setting the ball on fire. She couldn't process any of those feelings and failures in a healthy and normal way that didn't hurt other people. She couldn't be the perfect, docile, meek pureblood daughter her parents wanted. She couldn't even have a stupid crush on a guy without hurting everyone's feelings.

As Scott backed away, his body language changed to rather resemble a turtle or something. He couldn't meet her eyes now, which was just as well, seeing as stupid tears kept escaping from them. This was a complete and utter mess and she wanted to punch herself for screwing everything up this badly. This was so much worse than when she'd been avoiding him. That had been more to protect herself, and she didn't think it was hurt Scott too badly seeing as he had been doing the same. To the extent she had been concerned about her actions hurting him, she had managed to assuage her worries simply by virtue of the fact that he wasn't actively there in front of her being hurt. It was a lot easier for her to justify her behavior when the person she was hurting wasn't right there.

Scott calling himself an idiot brought about another pang of hurt. He said it so easily, the same way he had so easily called himself silly. What the fuck was wrong with the world that someone like him honestly believed that about himself?

Scott seemed to have the opposite problem Ana did. Ana had something of a superiority complex, and was able to justify most of her actions that hurt others to herself and not even feel the slightest bit guilty. Scott seemed to honestly believe the garbage and terrible things he was saying about himself.

"Who said you're an idiot, Scott? Because you aren't," Ana said, wishing her voice had more of a bite to it than it did. She just sounded sad and tired. She wasn't supposed to sound this tired, she was barely a teenager. Still, she did her best to make eye contact with him as she spoke. She wasn't sure how he would take it, since her normally sparkling and confident eyes were bloodshot and full of tears. "You're probably one of the best people I know."

Scott seemed more than ready to walk away from this, and Ana desperately wanted to let him. She could just write him off and not speak to him ever again. Pretend like this hadn't happened.

Except

She didn't want to do that. Beyond the fact that she had a huge crush on him, he was one of the few people at school that she genuinely enjoyed being around. She didn't want to not talk to him anymore. Whether or not he reciprocated her romantic feelings, he was someone she rather wanted to keep around. So, she shook her head at his words. "Nope, you started this conversation, I'm not letting you walk away that easily," Ana said, her attempt at humor marred somewhat by her voice sounding stupidly thick from her tears. This was definitely not a conversation that she wanted to continue, but she would feel like an actual garbage human if she left after making Scott feel this badly. However, maybe not this publicly. She mocked other students who sorted out their personal business in areas that were high traffic and not somewhere relatively private. A girl who was sobbing in the study hall came to mind. Ana refused to be one of those people she so disdained. As easy as it would have been for her to just leave this spectacularly painful conversation and as much as she wanted to, she couldn't. Who knew if the two of them would actually speak again before the end of term? She wasn't about to let this be how they remembered one another for the entire summer. "I do, in fact, want to speak to you about this. Not here though."