16 Jan 2020, 16:10
'S' is for Sulking
private RP with @Rafael D'Spacito
If Gem didn't feel like studying, writing, or spending time for himself in the Ravenclaw common room, he'd likely find solace out in the courtyard - which was why he was here, in the first place.
A couple of events after break had led up to his attitude right now, with Jack and all - that, and the fact that the actual winter break was pretty dismal, aside from the recording part, with his family (or, what he considered his family) shouting and being pretty ugly about... well, everything. It had put a bad taste in his mouth for making music entirely, it had him rethinking life choices, it certainly changed his perception of Leland, it did a lot for him, a lot of stuff that just didn't feel good, or even right for that matter.
He was angrily scribbling in his notebook for right now, thought his quill might snap from how hard he was pressing it into the pages with every letter, word, or sentence.
'If I can't do music, what else am I going to do?' It wrote, 'I'll never trust anyone in my life ever again. I swear to God, no one deserves my trust after these series of events, not my dad, not Leland, notor, even if he was alive, Dumbledore. I don't see a purpose to anything anyway-'
He'd hardly noticed the frustrated tears that prickled the very corners of his eyes, and he hoped no one else could see them too. Lucky him, his hair was long enough to cover his eyes, not a single soul could see how red and puffy he was getting, or how easy it would be for him to just snap, put his head down, and have a good cry out in the open like that. There weren't very many people out right now, but in order to preserve the last trickle of dignity he had left, he held his breath and kept any tears from daring to roll down his cheeks. For once in his entire life, he desperately hoped no one saw him like this and asked him if he was okay, he was positive that he'd have a breakdown about it if he even tried to talk.
Stupid Jack, stupid parents, stupid adults, stupid music -- I hate all of it, I hate them. I hate it.
What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though.
17 Jan 2020, 18:12
'S' is for Sulking
@Gem Stuart
[font=Segoe Print]
It was a rather lovely day out – the air was crisp with January air, a slight breeze blowing over the grounds of the fine school of Hogwarts. The sun was shining gently, just warm enough to melt away the winter snow, painting the grounds in a warm sort of glow. The grass was a gentle green, a tranquil sort of look to it, the color just slightly strained from lack of sun throughout the seasons, while the trees were still bare and dead, slowly being brought back to life by mother nature. There was something purely inviting about the day – something in the breeze, a slight nip in the heels, calling to any sort of adventurer in the world to explore the outdoors, find its mysteries, be they ever so menial.
And, call, it did. The outdoors had been inviting Rafael ever since he was risen that morning, the wind beating against the window lightly, and the sun shining in through the windows. Being a ‘boy of the streets’ of sorts, he’d always felt at home in the outdoors – there was something positively freeing about the setting, something that had always appealed to his wild, rebellious nature. On particularly good days like this, he had always felt compelled to explore the grounds, learn more about his spectacular school. His urge had stayed with him all day, pestering him during his classes and captivating his attention span completely and totally. His lectures were soon drowned out by the wind on the window, ever berating, ever calling – his eyes had been gazing longingly through the glass in almost all his classes. [The only exceptions had been the classes without windows, of course. In those cases, he’d felt a trapped, claustrophobic feeling, one he loathed and despised with his entire being.] It had taken a great deal of patience to control his urges throughout the day, but after a seemingly long and tedious day, class had finally been dismissed, and finally, Rafa found himself free from the confines of the classroom.
Now, here he was, traipsing through the courtyard with ease, a bright look in his eyes. He hadn’t been around this part of the school as much as he wished, being incredibly busy with homework and such. It seemed as if he had gotten lazy over the break – upon setting his eyes on his homework, he had visibly cringed in front of all his dormmates. It may have been his imagination, or perhaps the homework had doubled, but whatever the case, it had left him with a bit of tension in his shoulders, his workload a proverbial burden upon his back. Though, he tried not to focus on this as of now, as he didn’t have enough motivation to entertain the idea in his head. Instead, his eyes surveyed the courtyard, taking in the stone paths and the bright scenery. While the area seemed pretty tranquil for the moment, Rafa had come to terms with the fact that there was always something around the corner, some kind of adventure to be found in the simplest of conversations. The idea brought a buzz to his demeanor, an energetic energy that lit up his demeanor in such a way that the people that passed him could most likely feel it as they walked past.
It was a bit nippy out, he absently noticed. January in Scotland was bound to be a bit chilly, after all, being a bit farther from the equator than most places. Which was not a bad thing at all – in fact, Rafa found it to be quite different to most places he had been in the past. Though, he inwardly thanked his lucky stars for the clothes on his back – last time he’d been caught outside – with Jo Morgan, no less – he’d been sorely underdressed for the occasion, and had been punished accordingly. However, he had learned from his past mistakes, now donning warmer wear. In specific, one of his hoodies, paired with his Hogwarts coat. He felt snug, warm, almost sleepy from the heat it was bringing him. It was a rather pleasant feeling, one he was keen on maintaining.
It didn’t take long for his endeavors to lead him to action. In the distance, his eyes caught a familiar figure, a sight that gave him a jolt of excitement. Long black hair dropping below the chin, messy fashion [robes or casualwear, he couldn’t tell from the vantage that he stood at]. Though the Gryffindor couldn’t see his face as of yet, Rafa could point Gem out in a lineout blindfolded. At least, he hoped he could. The Ravenclaw was sitting all alone, he noticed, his head ducked and his hair falling over his features in the most perfect sort of way, masking his emotions from the world. From where he stood, it looked as if his boyfriend were writing in something.. presumably his most prized possession. It gave Rafa a jolt seeing the other boy sitting there by his lonesome. It just felt wrong, whether the other boy enjoyed it or not. His impulses were stirring in him again, willing him to do something. He allowed them to take control – his feet began moving, this time in the direction of his significant other.
Clutching his sides for additional warmth, his pace quickened to jog – he made his way over to where Gem was sitting, a bright grin plastered on his face. Very energetic-like, he slid into the grass besides Gem. The other boy was still quite hard to read at the moment, his hair still masking his face. “Jesus Christ!” he exclaimed, his voice laced with humor and feinted surprise. “I hardly recognize you, mate.” He was, of course, prodding at the fact that the two hadn’t see each other in quite a while. Perhaps he felt a bit guilty about that. “When did you get back?” he nudged the other boy with his shoulder gently, trying to get a reaction out of him. It had been strange, with Gem not around for the few weeks – he had found himself missing the other boy quite greatly. There weren’t many people he liked to spend time with around the school, seeing as most people couldn’t keep up with his impulses, but Gem was one of the few that could really understood his brash nature. His lack of presence really left a hole in Rafa’s break. Gem-withdrawal. Ruddy terrible to have, he absently thought. Though, now that he was sitting beside the other boy, that hole was quickly filling up, whether the Gem realized it or not. The Ravenclaw was just special like that – he didn’t even have to do anything, and he made people feel good.
[/font]
[font=Segoe Print]
It was a rather lovely day out – the air was crisp with January air, a slight breeze blowing over the grounds of the fine school of Hogwarts. The sun was shining gently, just warm enough to melt away the winter snow, painting the grounds in a warm sort of glow. The grass was a gentle green, a tranquil sort of look to it, the color just slightly strained from lack of sun throughout the seasons, while the trees were still bare and dead, slowly being brought back to life by mother nature. There was something purely inviting about the day – something in the breeze, a slight nip in the heels, calling to any sort of adventurer in the world to explore the outdoors, find its mysteries, be they ever so menial.
And, call, it did. The outdoors had been inviting Rafael ever since he was risen that morning, the wind beating against the window lightly, and the sun shining in through the windows. Being a ‘boy of the streets’ of sorts, he’d always felt at home in the outdoors – there was something positively freeing about the setting, something that had always appealed to his wild, rebellious nature. On particularly good days like this, he had always felt compelled to explore the grounds, learn more about his spectacular school. His urge had stayed with him all day, pestering him during his classes and captivating his attention span completely and totally. His lectures were soon drowned out by the wind on the window, ever berating, ever calling – his eyes had been gazing longingly through the glass in almost all his classes. [The only exceptions had been the classes without windows, of course. In those cases, he’d felt a trapped, claustrophobic feeling, one he loathed and despised with his entire being.] It had taken a great deal of patience to control his urges throughout the day, but after a seemingly long and tedious day, class had finally been dismissed, and finally, Rafa found himself free from the confines of the classroom.
Now, here he was, traipsing through the courtyard with ease, a bright look in his eyes. He hadn’t been around this part of the school as much as he wished, being incredibly busy with homework and such. It seemed as if he had gotten lazy over the break – upon setting his eyes on his homework, he had visibly cringed in front of all his dormmates. It may have been his imagination, or perhaps the homework had doubled, but whatever the case, it had left him with a bit of tension in his shoulders, his workload a proverbial burden upon his back. Though, he tried not to focus on this as of now, as he didn’t have enough motivation to entertain the idea in his head. Instead, his eyes surveyed the courtyard, taking in the stone paths and the bright scenery. While the area seemed pretty tranquil for the moment, Rafa had come to terms with the fact that there was always something around the corner, some kind of adventure to be found in the simplest of conversations. The idea brought a buzz to his demeanor, an energetic energy that lit up his demeanor in such a way that the people that passed him could most likely feel it as they walked past.
It was a bit nippy out, he absently noticed. January in Scotland was bound to be a bit chilly, after all, being a bit farther from the equator than most places. Which was not a bad thing at all – in fact, Rafa found it to be quite different to most places he had been in the past. Though, he inwardly thanked his lucky stars for the clothes on his back – last time he’d been caught outside – with Jo Morgan, no less – he’d been sorely underdressed for the occasion, and had been punished accordingly. However, he had learned from his past mistakes, now donning warmer wear. In specific, one of his hoodies, paired with his Hogwarts coat. He felt snug, warm, almost sleepy from the heat it was bringing him. It was a rather pleasant feeling, one he was keen on maintaining.
It didn’t take long for his endeavors to lead him to action. In the distance, his eyes caught a familiar figure, a sight that gave him a jolt of excitement. Long black hair dropping below the chin, messy fashion [robes or casualwear, he couldn’t tell from the vantage that he stood at]. Though the Gryffindor couldn’t see his face as of yet, Rafa could point Gem out in a lineout blindfolded. At least, he hoped he could. The Ravenclaw was sitting all alone, he noticed, his head ducked and his hair falling over his features in the most perfect sort of way, masking his emotions from the world. From where he stood, it looked as if his boyfriend were writing in something.. presumably his most prized possession. It gave Rafa a jolt seeing the other boy sitting there by his lonesome. It just felt wrong, whether the other boy enjoyed it or not. His impulses were stirring in him again, willing him to do something. He allowed them to take control – his feet began moving, this time in the direction of his significant other.
Clutching his sides for additional warmth, his pace quickened to jog – he made his way over to where Gem was sitting, a bright grin plastered on his face. Very energetic-like, he slid into the grass besides Gem. The other boy was still quite hard to read at the moment, his hair still masking his face. “Jesus Christ!” he exclaimed, his voice laced with humor and feinted surprise. “I hardly recognize you, mate.” He was, of course, prodding at the fact that the two hadn’t see each other in quite a while. Perhaps he felt a bit guilty about that. “When did you get back?” he nudged the other boy with his shoulder gently, trying to get a reaction out of him. It had been strange, with Gem not around for the few weeks – he had found himself missing the other boy quite greatly. There weren’t many people he liked to spend time with around the school, seeing as most people couldn’t keep up with his impulses, but Gem was one of the few that could really understood his brash nature. His lack of presence really left a hole in Rafa’s break. Gem-withdrawal. Ruddy terrible to have, he absently thought. Though, now that he was sitting beside the other boy, that hole was quickly filling up, whether the Gem realized it or not. The Ravenclaw was just special like that – he didn’t even have to do anything, and he made people feel good.
[/font]
I probably haven't collected my allowance yet.
17 Jan 2020, 20:48
'S' is for Sulking
@Rafael D'SpacitoWhile it was difficult to remain angry at Rafa, when Gem was in a bad mood, it wasn't at all impossible. Glancing up when he heard a very familiar accent, his face remained as blank as ever, hardly raising his eyebrows so he'd made it known that he'd acknowledged his presence. It was almost hurried, the way that he shut his notebook and set his quill aside, leaving the leather bound book on his lap.
"Not so long ago, four days?" He murmured, tucking a hair behind his ear. It was tempting to have just blown him off and leave, but that would be like kicking a puppy - Rafael seemed so excited about seeing him, and speaking in an incredibly monotonic fashion must've stung. He scratched the side of his neck, eyeing Rafa's person, all splayed out in the grass like he hadn't had a care in the world. Maybe nothing happened, maybe he was just overreacting-
"Someone kissed me, two days ago," He exhaled, already feeling the frustration make his chest boil. "Right on e' cheek, and then he said that it was even. Hell does that mean?" He decided not to waste much time being patient, and it was clear as day-- his attitude certainly showed through his voice. "Jack? Name sound familiar ta you? Said I'd figure it out, so I'll ask you first. Wot does he mean about that?" His hands were on the ground, curling into the dirt, tearing the grass up. Even as he had a mostly neutral expression, his tone was hard, untrusting, and even a bit hurt.
Merlin, his inability to keep his thoughts to himself would get him killed one day. It was like all his emotions were starting to hit a maximum overdrive, and as relieved as he was to see his boyfriend sitting there with him, he felt a tightness in his chest and stomach that made everything feel horribly wrong. Maybe Rafa was sick of him, maybe Rafa liked Jack more because of how slick or whatever the fuck he was, because he was just better. He didn't know, but that mixed in with the experience he had in Wales? He felt like he was going to break.
What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though.
21 Jan 2020, 00:34
'S' is for Sulking
@Gem Stuart
[font=Segoe Print]"Not so long ago, four days?"
It was hard to describe how Gem’s words made him feel. It really was. But, perhaps the best way to describe them would be, to put it simply, painful. Positively painful. Because, the thing was, Gem was usually a ray of sunshine. He glowed, his smile radiating light like the sun itself, everything about him bringing the Gryffindor absolute joy. So much so that, whenever Rafa felt down, he would think of that same smile, and it would bring him an ounce of solace through his despair. Right now, Gem’s attitude and countenance had the exact opposite effect on him. He seemed angry, brash, sad, a mess of so many emotions that it made Rafa’s head spin. But one thing was for certain – Gem was not at all happy. And that fact, alone, was enough to spoil the Gryffindor’s cordial nature. That, and the way the other boy so blatantly brushed him off – he felt himself wither, shrinking into himself just a bit, a little chip taken out of his soul.
“What’s your damage?” he heard himself mutter defensively, though his face betrayed any anger his face may have held. Really, he didn’t know what to make of this situation. He didn’t want to leave Gem by his lonesome – if he were this upset, he most likely needed someone to unload his troubles on. At the same time, though, it seemed as if his anger was somewhat aimed at Rafa. And, that would prove catastrophic. Gem’s opinion, though he would never admit it out loud, meant a lot to the young Gryffindor. The other boy’s words held more power than he could ever realize. It could be a powerful building block, or a deadly weapon all in one. The Gryffindor found that there were very, very few things to shy away from. But, standing in front of the other boy, he felt like hiding, running, doing something to defend himself. Because, they both knew he would do nothing to hurt Gem.
Or, maybe they didn’t. "Someone kissed me, two days ago," the other boy told him, frustration leaking into his voice. "Right on e' cheek, and then he said that it was even. Hell does that mean?"
At the sound of that, Rafa immediately paled. Visually. All noise seemed to drain out of his head, static filling his mind and his throat became very, very dry. His hands shoved themselves in his pockets as he sat up, his eyes filling with fear and his mouth drawing in a firm line. Jack had warned him of this. The Slytherin’s words still echoed in his head. Just because you may know he doesn't have anything to worry about doesn't necessarily mean he knows that. Rafa swallowed hard, quickly looking away from Gem to somehow mask the growing shame coming to his countenance. It was Jack’s fault, he screwed things up – and now, Rafa was paying for it.
“Erm, look,” he sputtered, his voice holding firm by some act of magic. “It – it wasn’t like that, okay?” Chewing his lip and searching for the right words, his hand flew up to his neck, rubbing the back as if to relieve all his mounting stress. “He – he came for me, right? I punched him in the face, and he – well – anyways, he was just trying to screw around with me. You can understand that, right?” He didn’t want Gem to be angry at him – it wasn’t his fault! – but, Gem didn’t know that. But, just maybe, Gem would be able to read the situation from his emotions. After all, he wouldn’t just be this upset for no reason. Especially if their relationship meant anything. It was better to just get it all out in the open, so the pressure would be off him, and Gem’s anger would subside, and they would find some peace in the whole mess.
“So, you don’t have to be mad,” he finished, his voice losing some of the strength it had before. “It was just a mess. And I would never go after anyone that wasn’t you. So, calm down, okay?" [/font]
[font=Segoe Print]"Not so long ago, four days?"
It was hard to describe how Gem’s words made him feel. It really was. But, perhaps the best way to describe them would be, to put it simply, painful. Positively painful. Because, the thing was, Gem was usually a ray of sunshine. He glowed, his smile radiating light like the sun itself, everything about him bringing the Gryffindor absolute joy. So much so that, whenever Rafa felt down, he would think of that same smile, and it would bring him an ounce of solace through his despair. Right now, Gem’s attitude and countenance had the exact opposite effect on him. He seemed angry, brash, sad, a mess of so many emotions that it made Rafa’s head spin. But one thing was for certain – Gem was not at all happy. And that fact, alone, was enough to spoil the Gryffindor’s cordial nature. That, and the way the other boy so blatantly brushed him off – he felt himself wither, shrinking into himself just a bit, a little chip taken out of his soul.
“What’s your damage?” he heard himself mutter defensively, though his face betrayed any anger his face may have held. Really, he didn’t know what to make of this situation. He didn’t want to leave Gem by his lonesome – if he were this upset, he most likely needed someone to unload his troubles on. At the same time, though, it seemed as if his anger was somewhat aimed at Rafa. And, that would prove catastrophic. Gem’s opinion, though he would never admit it out loud, meant a lot to the young Gryffindor. The other boy’s words held more power than he could ever realize. It could be a powerful building block, or a deadly weapon all in one. The Gryffindor found that there were very, very few things to shy away from. But, standing in front of the other boy, he felt like hiding, running, doing something to defend himself. Because, they both knew he would do nothing to hurt Gem.
Or, maybe they didn’t. "Someone kissed me, two days ago," the other boy told him, frustration leaking into his voice. "Right on e' cheek, and then he said that it was even. Hell does that mean?"
At the sound of that, Rafa immediately paled. Visually. All noise seemed to drain out of his head, static filling his mind and his throat became very, very dry. His hands shoved themselves in his pockets as he sat up, his eyes filling with fear and his mouth drawing in a firm line. Jack had warned him of this. The Slytherin’s words still echoed in his head. Just because you may know he doesn't have anything to worry about doesn't necessarily mean he knows that. Rafa swallowed hard, quickly looking away from Gem to somehow mask the growing shame coming to his countenance. It was Jack’s fault, he screwed things up – and now, Rafa was paying for it.
“Erm, look,” he sputtered, his voice holding firm by some act of magic. “It – it wasn’t like that, okay?” Chewing his lip and searching for the right words, his hand flew up to his neck, rubbing the back as if to relieve all his mounting stress. “He – he came for me, right? I punched him in the face, and he – well – anyways, he was just trying to screw around with me. You can understand that, right?” He didn’t want Gem to be angry at him – it wasn’t his fault! – but, Gem didn’t know that. But, just maybe, Gem would be able to read the situation from his emotions. After all, he wouldn’t just be this upset for no reason. Especially if their relationship meant anything. It was better to just get it all out in the open, so the pressure would be off him, and Gem’s anger would subside, and they would find some peace in the whole mess.
“So, you don’t have to be mad,” he finished, his voice losing some of the strength it had before. “It was just a mess. And I would never go after anyone that wasn’t you. So, calm down, okay?" [/font]
I probably haven't collected my allowance yet.
21 Jan 2020, 07:37
'S' is for Sulking
@Rafael D'SpacitoIt would've been so easy to understand, Gem felt he was quite good at not jumping to immediate conclusions, but this hurt a lot more than he'd initially thought it would. Now that he was confronting him, peeling back the skin a bit, it felt like he was prodding at a bear with a stick. And even after that thought, he persisted.
"Right, one, don't tell me to calm down," He snapped, hearing that hereditary growl of his father's nasty attitude seep into his tone. "Two, how am I supposed to know that, aye? I-" He straightened his back out, looking more hurt than he did angry. "I don't know wot to expect, not from e' cutest guy at school, okay? How am I supposed ta know the cute guy isn't off doin' stuff cute guys do? Leave the lil' geeky shite behind, he's a cute ornament, huh? Lil' pipsqueak, big goofy face, right? Always got somefin' to say cos he's all clever. Why not look fer someone cuter than the stupid ole' Ravenclaw, right?" He sniffed, attempting to swallow back the lump in his throat. When did he get so weepy?
Truth was - well, Gem easily had a handful or two of trust issues, that was what. Having been a funny looking, tubby kid for the majority of his life and all, there had been plenty of incidences in which a date or a relationship had been asked for as a joke. Having the cutest guy at Hogwarts take an interest in him was already surreal, and it had been fouled up pretty early on. He wasn't sure what else to expect, but the insecurity was really clawing at his mind, chest, and his rationality. Go figure.
He'd already begun to physically curl up, pulling his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs with his propped chin up on them. It was such an ugly feeling, one that he thought had gone away. That had been proven false, though, when he remembered all the shouting and passive aggressiveness was being tossed at him like a ball. When Leland said his playing was shite, or when his dad told him that he needed to get a grip before he kicked him out of the studio, or when Corg told him he wasn't at all good enough for this kind of thing - that made him wonder if he was really good enough at all. Certainly not good enough for Rafa, right? He should be grateful the Gryffindor was even there, though he had half expected him to laugh at him.
"Sorreh," He told him, covering his face with his arms. "I'm sorreh, I- God, Merlin- I need ta shut the fook up, don't I?" I'm not even good enough to complain right now, you're too good for me, your presence is a gift, that was all so tempting to say. But even then, he couldn't manage it, ont without it coming out in a pitiful sob.
What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though.
22 Jan 2020, 17:59
'S' is for Sulking
@Gem Stuart
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While Rafael found that Gem’s words brought him a great deal of fear, the young Gryffindor felt something else creeping into his chest, a feeling he’d felt a million times before. That same, pooling feeling that got him into danger so many times, made him say terrible things, made him do things he would never do with a clear mind. The fuel to his impulses, the fire to his gasoline nature. He could feel his blood slowly boiling, his teeth gritting just enough to hurt. His hands gripped his jacket in impulse, his knuckles slowly turning white. He wasn’t sure where the bout of anger even came from, only that it was ever-present, ever-dangerous. No one could say things about his integrity like that. Not even his beloved Gem.
"Yeah," the boy growled, the anger slowly leaking into his demeanor. He could do little to control it, his words escaping faster than he could filter them. "You know, you're right. You do." He turned towards the Ravenclaw, his eyebrow raised and a deep scowl on his face. I’ve always been loyal to him. Why doesn’t he understand? It really did sting, hearing those words – of all the faith he'd put in Gem and their relationship, it wasn't reciprocated? Gem needs to hear this, every word. "You know, for a Ravenclaw, you really don't think sometimes. You really believe I would go after another guy? You think I even want to?" The Gryffindor scoffed, some of the pain from the insult leaking into his face just a bit. He shook his head, honestly feeling as if he’d been stabbed in the back or something. “Gem, where is this even coming from? Did I do something? Unknowingly betray you, somehow?”
Pushing some of his hair out of his face in an anxious, furious mix of emotions, his words flowed out ever faster. "There's no other guy here even close to you, Gem! You're - " he puffed out an angry air, his face only growing redder. It was as if all the fear had slowly died off, the insult to his integrity all that was left. "You're just Gem. You’re brilliant, funny, clever, talented, absolutely spectacular.." the describing words continued to flow out, stated so clearly as if facts from a Professor. "You don’t get to say such destructive things about yourself – you.. you just…”
It was funny, because the words that were once flowing out like a streaming river had now been reduced to a weak trickle. He found that the words were scraping at his throat, struggling to come out in coherent sentences. It really hurt, because he really didn’t know what to say at this point. He was truly angry, at Gem, at Jack, at himself for putting any doubt in the other boy’s mind regarding their relationship. Rubbing his eyes, the Gryffindor took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts in the hopes that it would calm him down. It did little to help. Grasping at his own arms in an attempt to relieve some of his aggravation, he continued. "I mean," he started, "Do you really think I would go after Jack? Jack Burnett, of all people?" He let out a wry laugh at the mere thought. "Who do you think I am, Gem?" At the thought of the Slytherin boy, another matter had been brought to hand – He had nearly missed it in the heat of the conversation, but now that the boy in question had been brought back up, the fact was ever-evident in his mind.
"Wait," Rafa said, backtracking a moment with a falsely-passive smile. It did little to mask his emotions, as his face continued to grow redder and redder. “Jack did what?"[/font]
[font=Segoe Print]
While Rafael found that Gem’s words brought him a great deal of fear, the young Gryffindor felt something else creeping into his chest, a feeling he’d felt a million times before. That same, pooling feeling that got him into danger so many times, made him say terrible things, made him do things he would never do with a clear mind. The fuel to his impulses, the fire to his gasoline nature. He could feel his blood slowly boiling, his teeth gritting just enough to hurt. His hands gripped his jacket in impulse, his knuckles slowly turning white. He wasn’t sure where the bout of anger even came from, only that it was ever-present, ever-dangerous. No one could say things about his integrity like that. Not even his beloved Gem.
"Yeah," the boy growled, the anger slowly leaking into his demeanor. He could do little to control it, his words escaping faster than he could filter them. "You know, you're right. You do." He turned towards the Ravenclaw, his eyebrow raised and a deep scowl on his face. I’ve always been loyal to him. Why doesn’t he understand? It really did sting, hearing those words – of all the faith he'd put in Gem and their relationship, it wasn't reciprocated? Gem needs to hear this, every word. "You know, for a Ravenclaw, you really don't think sometimes. You really believe I would go after another guy? You think I even want to?" The Gryffindor scoffed, some of the pain from the insult leaking into his face just a bit. He shook his head, honestly feeling as if he’d been stabbed in the back or something. “Gem, where is this even coming from? Did I do something? Unknowingly betray you, somehow?”
Pushing some of his hair out of his face in an anxious, furious mix of emotions, his words flowed out ever faster. "There's no other guy here even close to you, Gem! You're - " he puffed out an angry air, his face only growing redder. It was as if all the fear had slowly died off, the insult to his integrity all that was left. "You're just Gem. You’re brilliant, funny, clever, talented, absolutely spectacular.." the describing words continued to flow out, stated so clearly as if facts from a Professor. "You don’t get to say such destructive things about yourself – you.. you just…”
It was funny, because the words that were once flowing out like a streaming river had now been reduced to a weak trickle. He found that the words were scraping at his throat, struggling to come out in coherent sentences. It really hurt, because he really didn’t know what to say at this point. He was truly angry, at Gem, at Jack, at himself for putting any doubt in the other boy’s mind regarding their relationship. Rubbing his eyes, the Gryffindor took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts in the hopes that it would calm him down. It did little to help. Grasping at his own arms in an attempt to relieve some of his aggravation, he continued. "I mean," he started, "Do you really think I would go after Jack? Jack Burnett, of all people?" He let out a wry laugh at the mere thought. "Who do you think I am, Gem?" At the thought of the Slytherin boy, another matter had been brought to hand – He had nearly missed it in the heat of the conversation, but now that the boy in question had been brought back up, the fact was ever-evident in his mind.
"Wait," Rafa said, backtracking a moment with a falsely-passive smile. It did little to mask his emotions, as his face continued to grow redder and redder. “Jack did what?"[/font]
I probably haven't collected my allowance yet.
23 Jan 2020, 22:17
'S' is for Sulking
@Rafael D'SpacitoGem was quite good at blocking stuff he didn't like to hear out, and that's exactly what he did. He could hardly respond to Rafa's pestering, much less respond, and instead let himself glare down at the floor. So much for talking it out, not that he did very much to help with that either. He knew he was getting so lost in his pity that he almost didn't want to fix anything, he just wanted to roll down the hill and lay flat on his face.
The more he thought about it, the harder it was not to do it.
Instead of responding, he fell on his side and rolled down the hill, grunting whenever a pebble dug into his face or side, or whenever his nose hit the ground too hard, He'd spread out at that point, hands tight at his sides, legs stuck out so it was easier. When he finally reached the bottom, he was, indeed, laying flat on his face - that, and his uniform was completely tarnished. He didn't look up, only tilted his head to the side so he could breathe - it was kind of hard to, now that he was listening to himself, huffing like he was dying. Who knew rolling down a hill was such a workout?
In his mind, there was little to nothing. He silently hoped that a rock had hit the side of his head hard enough so that he wouldn't think at all, that he'd forget everything that had ever happened to him. Alas, the thoughts came rushing back, and he wanted to bash his skull in with another rock.
What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though.
31 Jan 2020, 21:42
'S' is for Sulking
@Gem Stuart
[font=Segoe Print]In the midst of his rant, Rafa had done little to pay attention to the emotional state of his boyfriend. Perhaps it was because he was angry, his own fury and frustration clouding his thought process. It could have been his somewhat selfish attitude at the moment, only paying attention to his own feelings. He would surely have to be stupid to leave out his own inattentiveness, at that – he’d never been the best at taking hints or noticing the small things. Like Gem’s subtle glaring, practically withering the grass in front of him. He was really kicking himself, now, though.
It had taken him a moment to actually realize what was going on – the Ravenclaw was halfway down the hill before he could do anything to react. And it took him a moment, even then. Honestly, he was so mesmerized by Gem’s strange reaction, he just kind of stood there, awkwardly gaping as his boyfriend just… rolled down the hill. He wasn’t even sure of what to say, what to do. Of all his eleven years, he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen that reaction from someone. He wouldn’t be surprised if he sat there all day, pondering the mysteries of the universe, just replaying the boy’s actions over and over in his mind.
But when Gem’s head hit that rock, all bets were off.
Rafa wasn’t really sure what reacted inside of him – the best way to describe it, was a messy mix of shock, protectiveness, perhaps slight remorse. Whatever it was, it sure made him look like a fool – without even telling his limbs to move, he was stumbling down the hill like a man on prosthetic legs, his face a complete mess of worry. It didn’t take him but five seconds to reach the bottom of the hill. Quickly kneeling down to check the state of his boyfriend, the Gryffindor put his hand on Gem’s shoulder, gently shaking him. “Hey. Hey, mate, are you okay?” he asked, his voice just slightly shaky, out of thinly-veiled fear. Somewhere, deep inside him, he knew he was overreacting by a long shot. But he couldn’t focus on those feelings right now, as Gem was just laying there silently. “Gem, answer me. Come on, are you okay?” Though his tone portrayed a gentle worry, his insides were squirming as if something terribly wrong had happened. No matter how much he tried to shake the thoughts out of his head, his mind kept flying to the worst, a nasty, unfamiliar feeling of anxiety filling his chest and making his heart pound. [/font]
[font=Segoe Print]In the midst of his rant, Rafa had done little to pay attention to the emotional state of his boyfriend. Perhaps it was because he was angry, his own fury and frustration clouding his thought process. It could have been his somewhat selfish attitude at the moment, only paying attention to his own feelings. He would surely have to be stupid to leave out his own inattentiveness, at that – he’d never been the best at taking hints or noticing the small things. Like Gem’s subtle glaring, practically withering the grass in front of him. He was really kicking himself, now, though.
It had taken him a moment to actually realize what was going on – the Ravenclaw was halfway down the hill before he could do anything to react. And it took him a moment, even then. Honestly, he was so mesmerized by Gem’s strange reaction, he just kind of stood there, awkwardly gaping as his boyfriend just… rolled down the hill. He wasn’t even sure of what to say, what to do. Of all his eleven years, he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen that reaction from someone. He wouldn’t be surprised if he sat there all day, pondering the mysteries of the universe, just replaying the boy’s actions over and over in his mind.
But when Gem’s head hit that rock, all bets were off.
Rafa wasn’t really sure what reacted inside of him – the best way to describe it, was a messy mix of shock, protectiveness, perhaps slight remorse. Whatever it was, it sure made him look like a fool – without even telling his limbs to move, he was stumbling down the hill like a man on prosthetic legs, his face a complete mess of worry. It didn’t take him but five seconds to reach the bottom of the hill. Quickly kneeling down to check the state of his boyfriend, the Gryffindor put his hand on Gem’s shoulder, gently shaking him. “Hey. Hey, mate, are you okay?” he asked, his voice just slightly shaky, out of thinly-veiled fear. Somewhere, deep inside him, he knew he was overreacting by a long shot. But he couldn’t focus on those feelings right now, as Gem was just laying there silently. “Gem, answer me. Come on, are you okay?” Though his tone portrayed a gentle worry, his insides were squirming as if something terribly wrong had happened. No matter how much he tried to shake the thoughts out of his head, his mind kept flying to the worst, a nasty, unfamiliar feeling of anxiety filling his chest and making his heart pound. [/font]
I probably haven't collected my allowance yet.
1 Feb 2020, 04:36
'S' is for Sulking
@Rafael D'SpacitoFor a moment, Gem considered playing dead.
He laid still while Rafa shook him lightly, carefully rethinking all the things that lead up to such a mindless, almost soulless reaction - it didn't add up at first, it was just something random to prevent anymore shit conversation from happening, but it could've very well been the fact he couldn't handle another heartfelt lecture. He couldn't handle more scolding, glares, being told how wrong he was, so he didn't listen, and this was how he did it.
He replayed Leland's shouting, the shoving, the scoffs and condescending remarks. He recalled every single word, how he wasn't good enough, how he could even be considered a prodigy when he couldn't play the bass strings right because his wrist had cramped up from hours of playing, or how he'd never be a good musician with the way he was wailing like a baby when he was told how stupid he was. When Jeff pulled him aside, whacked him across the cheek, and told him to suck it up, because he'd give him a reason to cry for. How much he was overreacting, looking into things too deep, taking situations more seriously than he should have - was he doing that again with Rafa? He was.
It was in that moment that the side of his face felt wet, and there was a momentary throb. And then it just continued, right in the corner of one of his temples. He sat himself up, blinking a few times, reaching up to touch where that wetness had come from.
Blood.
It was covering the tips of his fingers, smeared down his palm, and over his wrist. It was ugly, so bright and new, and it just kept coming.
"Wha...t?" He squinted, touching his wound again. A delayed reaction soon came after the realization that he was injured, and tears began to fizz up the corners of his eyes and drip down his cheeks, staining his chin up. He wasn't even hurting, it was just everything at once hitting him like a tidal wave of everything and nothing at the same time. He was bleeding, he was crying-- he was a mess, right in front of the very boy he'd tried his hardest to seem all tough around.
In a measly attempt to say sorry, all that came up was a choked up sob, wedged in his throat - and if it was possible, he wailed even louder due to the embarrassment.
He was never a very cute crier.
What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though.
4 Feb 2020, 16:58
'S' is for Sulking
@Gem Stuart
[font=Segoe Print]It was hard to explain what was going on in Rafael's mind at this point - Gem wasn't answering him, just laying limp as if he were dead. Why isn't he answering? His thoughts were a mess, his hands beginning to shake more and more the longer Gem laid unmoving. The Gryffindor was only growing more erratic, more anxious, his feelings exposed for the entire courtyard to see. And usually, he would care enough to take a moment, pull himself together. But not right now. Not when his boyfriend was lying limply in front of him, as if he were dead.
Which was silly, because the more he thought about it, the more unlikely the boy would be departed. He wasn’t really sure why his mind was going to the worst possibly places, making up scenarios that weren’t actually happening. Perhaps it were the similarities between this incident and the circumstances of the past. The way Gem was just lying there was so, so similar to the way his sister had been lying in her hospital bed, still and lifeless. Or maybe it wasn’t. He couldn’t remember all that well, not with the sickening feeling in his gut, pooling around like some sort of poisoning him, making him dizzy and ready to puke. There was nothing okay about this. He just wanted Gem to move, make himself known, do anything to relieve the terrible feeling attacking his senses.
He'd stopped shaking the boy after a moment, his eyes boring holes into the boy's back. His hands squeezing into his jacket, his lip bit so tightly it drew blood, he was struck numb, staring at the boy's body, still unmoving. Something inside him ached, seeing Gem like that. Perhaps he hadn’t been the one to roll down the hill, but he knew better than to think it wasn’t his fault. He had yelled at Gem, he’d gotten Gem uncomfortable. Now he was dead still, and there was nothing Rafael could do about it. He closed his eyes, taking a deep, shaky breath, filling up his lungs with fresh air. He needed to calm down, start seeing this as it was. Just check his pulse, he reasoned. That’s the only way you’ll know for sure.
"Wha...t?"
Something deep inside Rafa twisted at the sound of his boyfriend's voice. It was so hard to explain his mood in that moment, so he wouldn’t. Instead, his eyes snapped open, taking in his boyfriend, awake and alive. Hurt. Blood dripped from his temple, staining perfect face wet and red. He was crying too, a disturbing sight coming from the Ravenclaw. He’d never cried in front of Rafa before, a sight that only made the scenario so much more real. And his guilt more intense.
Before being able to stop himself, the Gryffindor scooted forward quickly, immediately brushing the Ravenclaw’s hair out of his face. His eyes flitted over the wound, his sleeve coming up to dab it gently. “Does it hurt?” he asked, his voice strangely extremely calm. Wiping away a bit of the excess blood from his face, his frown deepened, his eyes looking down, unable to meet his boyfriend’s. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. "I shouldn't've yelled." He’d never been good with words, especially in the instances where words were the most important. So, instead of using words, he slipped behind the other boy, wrapping his arms around the other boy’s midsection and burying his face into the boy’s shoulder. “I shouldn't have done that,"he mumbled again in repetition, his voice muffled by the other boy’s robes. Without another word, he hugged Gem tighter, in hopes that it would relieve the pain in his gut.
[/font]
[font=Segoe Print]It was hard to explain what was going on in Rafael's mind at this point - Gem wasn't answering him, just laying limp as if he were dead. Why isn't he answering? His thoughts were a mess, his hands beginning to shake more and more the longer Gem laid unmoving. The Gryffindor was only growing more erratic, more anxious, his feelings exposed for the entire courtyard to see. And usually, he would care enough to take a moment, pull himself together. But not right now. Not when his boyfriend was lying limply in front of him, as if he were dead.
Which was silly, because the more he thought about it, the more unlikely the boy would be departed. He wasn’t really sure why his mind was going to the worst possibly places, making up scenarios that weren’t actually happening. Perhaps it were the similarities between this incident and the circumstances of the past. The way Gem was just lying there was so, so similar to the way his sister had been lying in her hospital bed, still and lifeless. Or maybe it wasn’t. He couldn’t remember all that well, not with the sickening feeling in his gut, pooling around like some sort of poisoning him, making him dizzy and ready to puke. There was nothing okay about this. He just wanted Gem to move, make himself known, do anything to relieve the terrible feeling attacking his senses.
He'd stopped shaking the boy after a moment, his eyes boring holes into the boy's back. His hands squeezing into his jacket, his lip bit so tightly it drew blood, he was struck numb, staring at the boy's body, still unmoving. Something inside him ached, seeing Gem like that. Perhaps he hadn’t been the one to roll down the hill, but he knew better than to think it wasn’t his fault. He had yelled at Gem, he’d gotten Gem uncomfortable. Now he was dead still, and there was nothing Rafael could do about it. He closed his eyes, taking a deep, shaky breath, filling up his lungs with fresh air. He needed to calm down, start seeing this as it was. Just check his pulse, he reasoned. That’s the only way you’ll know for sure.
"Wha...t?"
Something deep inside Rafa twisted at the sound of his boyfriend's voice. It was so hard to explain his mood in that moment, so he wouldn’t. Instead, his eyes snapped open, taking in his boyfriend, awake and alive. Hurt. Blood dripped from his temple, staining perfect face wet and red. He was crying too, a disturbing sight coming from the Ravenclaw. He’d never cried in front of Rafa before, a sight that only made the scenario so much more real. And his guilt more intense.
Before being able to stop himself, the Gryffindor scooted forward quickly, immediately brushing the Ravenclaw’s hair out of his face. His eyes flitted over the wound, his sleeve coming up to dab it gently. “Does it hurt?” he asked, his voice strangely extremely calm. Wiping away a bit of the excess blood from his face, his frown deepened, his eyes looking down, unable to meet his boyfriend’s. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. "I shouldn't've yelled." He’d never been good with words, especially in the instances where words were the most important. So, instead of using words, he slipped behind the other boy, wrapping his arms around the other boy’s midsection and burying his face into the boy’s shoulder. “I shouldn't have done that,"he mumbled again in repetition, his voice muffled by the other boy’s robes. Without another word, he hugged Gem tighter, in hopes that it would relieve the pain in his gut.
[/font]
I probably haven't collected my allowance yet.