A Loss of Self open Finished

@Kyle DeRook

Illowy had spent her summer trying to regain some semblance of normality. Perhaps in a way she achieved that while at the Quidditch camp with the small handful of friends she'd managed to make. However the moment she stepped foot on the train to come home to Hogwarts, it was like that all vanished again.

In her first years at Hogwarts, she'd slipped so easily beneath the radar. No one noticed her if she didn't want to be noticed, no one really paid her mind... but now it was like everyone always had their eyes on her. She could feel them burning holes into her skin as they scanned over the inky, marbled scars that littered over her hands, and peak from the collar of her shirt to climb her neck and across her cheek. Naturally, she'd tried learning to do make up over the summer to hide it, but wasn't much use. She mostly resolved now to letting her hair try to hide her marks and doing her best to ignore curious stares.

All she'd wanted was a moment of normality again, a moment where strange eyes couldn't get to her. The snake wandered back towards the castle from the Black Lake towards the Courtyard, her cat Killian trailing at her side; and in doing so she spotted a familiar figure, brooding by himself.

It felt like eons since she'd really spoken to her cousin. Perhaps around Christmas may have been the last time? She wasn't sure. Especially after the attack on Slytherin House, Illowy hadn't made much effort to see him or anyone, and to the best of her knowledge he hadn't tried to see her either, even on her birthday or over the summer when she got home from camp. The girl could only assume he knew what had happened to Slytherin, though she wasn't sure if he knew what had happened to her.... what was still happening to her.

Wordlessly, the girl approached and took a seat by him, leaning back against the tree as well, Killian posing himself curiously at her side waiting for his mistress's affection. It was a strange feeling of comfort being just near her beloved cousin for the first time in months, and yet unnerving because she wasn't sure what to say, if anything, or what he might say to her. In another way, she felt a little more connected to him, on a level different from before as she now understood an inkling of the fear he must've felt being cursed.

Rook sat there silently with his eyes closed. He was deep in his thoughts about a number of things. His Curse that grew stronger every single day, the seemingly endless anger he had inside of him that just seemed to grow in equal measure along side his curse. About Duke...His right foot began to tap anxiously as his stomach felt like it did a flip and his mouth grew dry as he could almost swear he tasted the strong coppery taste of hot blood on his tongue.

As he sat there grinding his teeth a familiar scent caught his attention. A rich smell of honey with earthy undertones of dried herbs or other plants. He took a deep breath and let the scent fill his nose. It was his cousin. He hadn't been speaking to her in quite some time, avoiding her like the plague as unfair as it was to her. He knew what he was becoming, how every day he was losing more of what made him...HIM. Plus...not only did she know about the curse she was there that summer and he chased her. he hurt her, and came very close to...

He shakes his head and lets out a heavy breath. He was avoiding her because he didn't want to hurt her. And he didn't want to let her down. She was so sure of him, that he was good person. That he was more than just his curse. But shes wrong...he's just a wild dog. And the sooner she realized that, the better.

takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly "What brings you out here Magpie..." he speaks after sitting together in silence for who knows how long. He sits up straight and runs his right hand through his hair, brushing it out of his face. he then notices his sharpened nails and he self consciously shoves them in his pockets hoping she didnt notice them.

Illowy tried not to think too much about what happened the summer before, though it was a frequent theme in her nightmares. Even after it had happened after she'd nearly seen the same fate as Duke, she didn't let herself think the worst of her cousin. She didn't blame him for what had happened; it was an accident after all. Kyle didn't know what he was doing at the time, it was just the wolf side of him... all the same, she knew it was still a heavy pain Kyle would carry with him for the rest of his life.

The air was so naturally still between them, and for a while she figured they'd both sit there in silence before they went inside. Much like that morning after the event, where they sat silently together for a long time before going back inside to fetch him a drink of water.

"What brings you out here Magpie..."

Pale eyes flickered to him, studying him for a moment. He always seemed so different every time she saw him. Older. Even if he was only 6 months older then her. Then again, she'd done enough research to know that his curse tended to wear on someone like that, "I needed some air." she spoke softly. His sharpened nails didn't escape her, which worried her slightly as she wondered why he would do such a thing, knowing what would happen if he scratched himself or someone else by accident. Now didn't seem like the time to try to mom him though.

Pale eyes shifted from him, back towards the castle before settling to her black scarred hands as she stroked Killian, "Seeing you was just a lucky coincidence." turned her head slightly towards him, offering a small smile from behind her curtain of dark waves, "I've missed you."

Kyle wanted to be angry. To dismiss her. to blow her off and leave, to demand being left alone. He wanted to make her hate him so she would go away. She would be safer that way. But the part of him that was still human was hurt by this thought process. He loved his cousin, and she was the only person who knew his secret but didn't treat him like he was glass or that he should be pitied or feared. She treated him like a person and he needed that. more now that ever. He lets out a heavy sigh and he runs his hand through his hair to push it out of his face. "I missed you too magpie..."

It was in this moment that he noticed something off about her scent. It wasnt on her skin or clothing it was deeper. inside of her. almost like there was something wrong with her blood, like she was very sick or...something. And this worried him more than he was willing to admit.

he cleared his throat and looked over towards her, eyeing her curiously. "This is gonna sound like it. But its not a joke. You smell wrong. Something about you is different...sick or something. Are you ok?"

Illowy's smile faltered as he turned to her and questioned her. Her hands abandoned their task of petting the cat as she pulled her sweaters sleeves over them, leaning back against the tree, as though retreated into herself. Silly of her to think she might've been able to escape this interaction without him noticing. Then again, it hasn't occurred to her that he would have been able to smell it on her; though she couldn't say she was surprised.

The girl swallowed hard, trying to think of the best way to tell him what happened, "Back in February... Slytherin was attacked." she started softly, doing her best to pick her words carefully, "No one is really sure what happened, but it came in the form of spiders. I was by the door when they got in. And when they bit you..." she cringed a little, having to recall the burning, breath stealing pain she still endured weekly until they got their potion, "Its agony."

Looking at her hands, she pulled her sleeve back to reveal to him the marbled, inky black scars the lined her veins before she tucked the curtain of hair behind her ear to reveal the black scarring that crawled up her neck and across her cheek as well, "No one knows what the curse is, or how to fix it. The nurse can only manage it, so once a week we have to get a potion to keep the curse from... ye'know... running its course." maybe it would have been better not to have sugar coated the ending, but she didn't want him to feel like she was lying about the severity of her situation. Everyone knew that skipping the potion would mean an agonizing death, speed pending on how many times they'd been bitten. For Illowy, who'd suffered eight bites, even being too late for her dose would mean certain death.

For fear of worrying Kyle, the girl forced a small smile, "I'm okay though. I mean, I will be." she tried to assure. Even if she wasn't sure if that was true. The way she saw it, she'd at least told him the truth of the situation. He didn't need to know the knitty gritty details of the curse's effects on her. That would just make him worry more, she felt.

As Illowy told her story he couldnt help but frown. He was getting used to being a Lion, the color was growing on him and he felt a strange sense of pride that may have come from when he was the captain of the quidditch team. But in this moment, he was back to lamenting not being in Slytherin. He could have done something to protect her, to help, to fight back whatever caused the spiders. Even if he was bit, he was no stranger to agony. Every month the transformation ravaged his body. Breaking his bones, tearing his muscles. It was worse than anything he could describe. He wanted to berate her for not telling him sooner, for not coming to him. But, he understood. Having cursed blood, carrying marks and scars from your curse. It changes things. How you see yourself, how you feel about yourself. It changes. After all, she didn't know he was a werewolf until he was moments away from killing her...who was he to judge.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I aint good with spells, or research or anything like that. But...If there is any way I can help. let me know. And if we do find out who sent the spiders...I give you my word he will suffer twice over for every time this has caused you pain. yeah?" there wasnt malice, or anger in his voice as he spoke. It was a determined directness, as if there was nothing that could sway him or stop him from his planned course of action.

he shook his head and looked up towards the sky. "When did things get so fucked up..." he muttered, asking nobody his question so much as letting the universe know the question existed.

A small smile flickered to her lips as he made his vow to her. Not that she expected anything less from him. He was always protecting her in his own way, even when they were little. Even now, knowing about his curse, even after he'd nearly killed her, she still felt safe with him. After all, he'd never intentionally hurt her; that much she'd bet her life on, "That's a big if... Professor Jensen hasn't exactly given any of us much hope when it comes to any of it." she admitted.

There was so much about being cursed to process that she couldn't have understood quite from Kyle's view until now. Though they were very different curses, she imagined the range of emotions one goes through had to be similar. Especially when you wore the evidence so plainly on your skin. As grown as Illowy liked to think of herself, she was only a thirteen year old girl after all. Children weren't meant to understand how to deal with and process such emotions. And then to tack on that she didn't want to complain too much, because that invited pity, and that wasn't an option. Yet even to Ky, she feared admitting too much to how she felt about her situation. That she was scared witless about what could happen to her, and so angry and ashamed that she hadn't fought harder; that she felt like in spite of all her research, she still couldn't help herself or her housemates. What right did she have to confess those feelings to Ky? At least there was a possibility for a glimmer of hope for her that she might be cured... he didn't have that luxury.

Perhaps that was why she'd latched on so tightly to the physical aspect of it. The pain and fatigue and scars that were a weekly, if not daily, hill for her to climb. That was the easiest to process somewhat quietly.

Never had she felt so many eyes on her or felt so judged. Even as a Slytherin. It bubbled something in her crossed between rage and shame, and she didn't know if she wanted to scream or hide away. Often she chose to hide, but she could understand why Kyle so often chose a more physical release.

When Ky pipped up again, the snake sighed, leaning back against the tree, "I'm pretty sure they've always been fucked up... we're just old enough now to realize it." the girl spoke thoughtfully.

Kyle pushed himself to his feet and let out a heavy sigh. Part of him agreed that things had always been fucked up, but another part of him didn't think so. The days of him and Duke running loose and causing trouble were paradise. Always good times, always fun and exciting. Even when bad things happened, it didnt matter cause they faced it together and the bad was over quick. Now, the bad lingered and stuck around. followed you as a constant reminder that things were awful and you couldn't escape it. Maybe he was just naive back then...didn't want to see how bad things really were beneath the surface.

He offered a shrug and slipped his hands into his pockets. "I dont want another lecture from the fat lady, so I should get back before Curfew. Ill try and stop being such a stranger...see you later. yeah?" He offered her a slight smile before he cast his eyes upwards towards the cresent moon. He let out a slight sigh and with rolling of his neck he started his walk back to the gryffindor tower and to his dorm within. He wasn't sure if he was going to sleep or not yet tonight, but at the very least he could try.

Kyle Attempts to leave the thread

Illowy looked up at her cousin has get got to his feet, and Illowy followed suit after him, bending to gather her beloved ball of fluff in her arms. It felt liked more then ever now, it was harder to find moments of peace or normality. Ever since finding out about Ky's curse, Illowy had taken the responsibility on herself to try to provide that for her cousin. Now, she was barely able to fabricate those moments for herself... how was she going to make those up for him as well? Even if she desperately wanted to.

Illowy nuzzled her cheek against the familiar's fur as she looked to Ky, following his gaze towards the moon for a moment before bringing her pale eyes back to him, "Please don't be a stranger." she offered a small smile, "Ye might stress me out an' be pain in the arse half the time... but we're family. And we gotta stick together."

The snake watched her cousin start off towards his own House before she starting in another direction for her own. She hoped now she'd see him more. As far as Illowy was concerned, Kyle was her best friend. She'd turn to him for most anything before someone else. Hopefully, maybe he wouldn't be so hesitant to come to her either.

Illowy attempts to leave the thread