The Point of No Return PV: Ana Beckett closed

The fit

Why couldn't Ana do anything right? She had managed to get into more fistfights in the past two weeks than she had in the entire two years preceding that. She was falling apart and she was all alone. She didn't even have anyone to blame other than herself. She had isolated herself and lashed out at her friends. That didn't mean that it didn't still hurt for them to look at her the way they were now. Like she was a stranger or someone to be afraid of.

She stared out onto the early morning fields, having watched the sunrise. She hadn't missed a sunrise since she'd been back since it felt like her only lifeline. The only indication that the world wasn't ending, that she could get through this. She needed that desperately. She had nothing left, not even her unwavering faith in herself and her own judgment. How could she, when she couldn't even control her own actions? Shaking like a leaf, she wrapped her fingers around the empty mug that had contained coffee. There wasn't any remaining warmth or even scent from the comforting beverage. After a moment, her hands tightened and she suddenly violently flung the dish from the tower, watching it until it turned to a speck.

She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself, trying to rub more warmth into her arms. The leather jacket that she liked to think of as armor or a wall between her and the rest of the world that wanted to strip everything down and pick her apart ironically didn't protect her from the faint chill. Her torn jeans weren't exactly the most practical thing for the weather either, and the shirt around her waist did little more than billow in the cool breezes.

The moment she flung the mug, she heard someone else enter the owlery. She didn't even bother to look at who it was, since that would mean turning around and exposing how weak and heartbroken she was. Her eyes were red and watery as she tried to stop herself from sobbing. Something she had learned lately was once she let the tears start, they were like a broken dam and nothing would stop them until she was so dehydrated she couldn't cry anymore.

At that moment, she felt exceptionally weak and vulnerable, from her emotions to her continuous trembling from the cold that she had been out in too long. She couldn't do this anymore. There was a reason that her parents had disowned her and her friends wanted nothing to do with her. She just wasn't someone who was worth keeping.

A voice startled her from her thoughts and to her horror, it was Eyre. She couldn't see him right now. She just couldn't. She knew it would end badly one way or another and the last thing she needed was for him to hate her more than he already did. She glanced at him for a moment and the look in his eyes made her want to curl up into a ball and wither away. Was she really so easy to dislike? That even someone who had known her since she was a child was more than willing to throw her and their friendship away after a particularly bad fight? It seemed everyone who knew her for any extended amount of time thought so. After a moment of that horrible look, she turned her attention back at the horizon, as though ignoring Eyre would change the truth.

"God, leave me alone for once," she said, her voice raspy and on the verge of breaking. Why did he insist upon doing this? She knew he hated her, that much was clear by how quickly he'd replaced her, so why did he have to stick around and talk to her about it? They both had more than enough going on in their lives and neither of them needed to deal with the other.

At Eyre's snapping, a tear brimmed over her lashes and she bit her lip, refusing to let a sob out. "Why the hell would you expect better?" she asked, managing to barely keep her voice from cracking. "And what the fuck do you think I'm trying to do? I'm trying to leave everyone out of this, and you and Rose and that tart with her rumors and the entire fucking school just want to pick away and tear me apart for your amusement and I stop you, then I'm the villain." The words spilled out, and she couldn't have stopped them even if she tried. Why couldn't they just all leave her alone to shatter? It was like they were forcing themselves into her life and her most painful moments and then getting angry with her that she hadn't tried harder to protect them.

Interacting with @Anastasia Beckett

The 'Fit

He couldn't remain entirely firm for long, once he realized how absolutely broken she looked. Ana didn't cry, but she looked as though she was trying to hold herself together as if she'd disintegrate into a million pieces. But then, she brought up how she felt as though he wanted to tear her apart for the fun of it, and he felt like shaking her. Her accusations were absolutely delusional, and Eyre was certain that she knew it, too.

"...Why would I ever want to do that?" Eyre said, his voice soft but scolding. His eyebrows were furrowed as he came closer to her so that she could hopefully see it in his eyes that he wasn't messing around. "Ana, we've been friends for nearly half of our lives! You mean the world to me, why the fuck can't you see that I'm not trying to manipulate you!?" His voice was breaking, and tears were starting to fill his own eyes. He shook his head in agony, crossing his arms in a stiff position, as if there was a pole in his back keeping his posture rigid.

"...You're not well. You're trying to twist things around to fit your own narrative that I'm some sort of cowardly crybaby idiot who is trying to replace you, but it's not true." His voice was silent, but it was clear that he was starting to get angry again. "You know it's not true, Ana."

Eyre was silent for a long time, wiping his tired eyes with his fingers as he stood there staring at her. She was like a creature before him, her eyes cold and unresponsive as if she were a walking corpse. She looked hardly anything like the Ana that he adored. She was like a shadow of what once was, a husk that had been left behind.

"I don't understand you." He said, his voice tired and threadbare as he tried his hardest to look her in the eyes. "We're supposed to be there for each other- to support each other. We've been there for each other through practically everything, why does it have to change now?" He swallowed hard, a tear rolling down his cheek. He felt like he was riding an unsteady broom, his mood shifting with each bump and dip that it took. It was only a matter of time before he was angry again, and sure enough, it came.

"You're being unfair. You're being really, really fucking unfair."

The fit

[font= Times New Roman]She could hear him coming closer, but she refused to look at him. She couldn't see him glare at her like that, she just couldn't. She desperately wished she could just hate him, and a part of her did, but most of her just wanted him to leave it alone. They were both hurting and he just kept making everything worse by coming and coming and refusing to listen to her. His words filled her with rage - she was mad at him so he felt free to say that she was what, crazy now? That she was delusional for seeing his feeble attempts at making her do what he wanted for what they were? She knew she wasn't.

Something she had learned quickly from the wave of gift baskets and false condolences when the rumors about her family began to spread was that everyone wanted something from her and would have no issue imposing their will on her. Eyre hadn't been any different at the train station, with his forcing her to talk to him because it was what he wanted, not because he thought it was the best thing for her.

"Are you serious right now, I'm the one trying to twist everything around to fit my narrative?" she said with a scoff, her voice hardening as her anger at his claims began to build. "I'm not the one who found some random freckled morally superior bitch and started telling her every detail of every fight I had. You're the one who's twisted everything around to make me out as the villain because you just can't stand for the idea that you're the bad guy here. And for the record, if you were going to find a faux Ana, you could have done far better than Little Orphan Annie." She tried to keep the hurt at how quickly he had replaced her from reaching her voice. The twinges of pain in her stomach turned to white-hot anger when Eyre went back to how she was supposedly delusional in calling him a coward who was trying to replace her. She knew exactly what had happened, and she wasn't about to let him rewrite everything to make himself feel better. Like he wasn't equally to blame as she was for all that had happened. "I know that's exactly true, and so do you. You wouldn't be trying to prove otherwise if it wasn't true.

His voice sounded almost as tired as hers, and a familiar prang of guilt hit her. "What's changed, Eyre? Everything's changed and if you can't see that, you're more of a fool than I thought," she said coldly, still refusing to meet his eyes. People grew apart, it was just a fact of life, and that was what was happening here. Ana could accept it, so why couldn't he? Why did he have to drag this back up and have this argument over and over again? "God, you're full of shit. I'm being perfectly fair. I told you and your little red hag to leave me alone and both of you just feel so entitled to my time and my emotions. You're not. You have no right to any of this and I'm sick of you acting like some kind of martyr about this."

Interacting with @Anastasia Beckett

"Don't call my girlfriend a bitch." Eyre said through his teeth, coming even closer to her. "I know you're not a villain, Ana, but you're completely out of control! You're brawling with people and pushing away your friends. All I'm trying to say is that you need to get help before you make things even worse than they already are." What really pissed him off was the fact that she was clearly not understanding a single word that he was saying, which only helped to plummet his mood further and further until he was desperately trying to hold back his rage.

"Shut your mouth! Rose isn't a replacement!" He finally lost it, yelling at her with his arms outstretched at his side. "I'm not the bad guy, not by a long shot. I'm not a coward, I'm not a crybaby, and I'm ESPECIALLY not the kind of friend that would just go around airing out all of your personal shit to my girlfriend who I've only known for four months. And you know it, too. You just so stubborn that you can't get it through your thick fucking skull that I'm not an evil sociopath that's out to get you!"

His voice echoed through the otherwise quiet owlery. The tears were coming now, but he wasn't sad. He was just furious. Furious that she couldn't see his side, furious that she had completely twisted him up in her mind to be the most horrible person known to man. His face was red as a tomato, his hands shaking at his sides. His breath came out in frenzied little puffs.

"I know that things have changed! I'm not an idiot, Ana. Both of our lives are totally screwed up right now. They're forever altered. Nothing, and I mean nothing will ever be the same again for the both of us." He grimaced at the thought of it. They were broken vessels, the two of them, and they were trying their hardest to stay strong on their own. But Eyre thought that it didn't have to be that way.

"And maybe I do feel entitled to your time because I want you in my life. I can't remember a time where you weren't there for me, and I wasn't there for you. I want your support right now. I need it. And I'm sure that deep down, you feel that way yourself." He was angry at himself, for becoming so soft towards her again. He had no reason to submit to someone that didn't want him. But, here he was, completely unraveled. There was nothing left to say. Even though he was fuming and his eyes were puffy and his heart was hammering in his chest, he was simultaneously pleading with her.

Somehow in the midst of what seemed to be a self-deluded fantasy, he started to feel as though he was starting to get through to her. Although it was so fast that it might've not been able to be caught, the tiniest muscles in his face made his lips quirk up in pathetic smile before it dissipated again. "...Being there for each other, even when things are tough... Stuff like that isn't supposed to change."

The fit

[font= Times New Roman]Why wasn't he listening? He kept harping on how she was missing his point, but it wasn't like he was hearing what she was saying either. She just wanted to be left alone and keep her business to herself, and he was running around talking to the first person who smiled at him all about her life.

"Get help, what the hell do you even mean?" she snapped, her eyes flashing dangerously as she looked at him for the second time. She really didn't appreciate his insistence that she could handle her own life or was crazy or unstable because she was mad at him for doing something shitty.

She snorted contemptuously when he insisted Rose wasn't a replacement. That was exactly what she was. Ana knew it, Rose knew it, and Eyre knew it, even if he wouldn't admit it. "You're exactly the kind of friend who does that because you did, Eyre!" Ana said, her voice breaking. Her bottom lip trembled as she stared him down. Maybe she was making mistakes and hurting people, but at least she was honest with herself and others about it. Eyre was doing far worse than she was and refusing to even come clean about it. Maybe Ana was a bitch, but at least she honest about it. "You are so full of shit, Eyre, you actually believe it.

Shaking her head, she focused in on something else he had said. "Wait, are you honestly telling me that you met someone less than four months ago and you're calling yourselves a couple? What sort of low-class garbage are you?" she hissed. Not that she was exactly the person to judge others for their romantic or really any choices at that point in time, but even if the insanely quick speed of things wasn't a consideration, there was also the fact that they were both twelve years old. They weren't even legally able to go to Hogsmeade and they were saying that they were dating? It sounded so stupid and silly to Ana.

"No, you don't get to talk about my life, you know nothing about what I'm dealing with," Ana said, her jaw tightening. He knew nothing about what was going on and yet he just felt like he had the right to explain to her how she was feeling and what was happening? Turning away from him again, she bit her lip hard to stop herself from crying. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry, she wasn't going to give him the ability to feel like he was in the right her, she wasn't going to give him anything.

"Yeah, well, I don't want you in my life, Eyre, I don't know how much more clear I need to be about that," Ana said, forcing herself to keep her voice level and unemotional. God, how was this still all about him and his soap opera of a life? She was barely staying afloat in the ocean of her own drama, and she couldn't handle dealing with him and his. "Just go blab to your Pippi Longstocking girlfriend, you're good at that."

Interacting with @Anastasia Beckett

The 'Fit

Choosing to have any faith in the situation getting better was a big mistake. A giant mistake. She was still like a brick wall, completely unfazed to any persuasion.

"Therapy. As in, I don't know, talking to someone? A professional? Someone that will be able to put you back on the right track?!" Eyre spelled it out to her, his eyes narrowing. Ana was no idiot, but he was so angry at this point that it was starting to cloud his reason. He felt his patience dwindling, and his body language becoming more hostile towards her.

He let out an angry scoff when she started to insult him about his relationship again.

"You're such a hypocrite. Need I remind you, princess, that you're only a year older than I am and I know for a fact that you've been smooching boys practically for as long as I can remember!" The hurtful nickname came out in a sneer. He felt like she was starting to grasp at straws now to try to break him down, but he wasn't going to have any of it anymore. He was tired of being considerate.

Any sort of momentum he might've gotten, however, was completely lost when she denounced him.

Eyre felt his breath halt for a moment, like he had the wind knocked out of him. All he could do was just blink at her. She didn't care. She really didn't care, and she was willing to sacrifice their friendship because of how strongly she despised him in that very moment.

"....No." He mumbled, his tone dripping with denial. "Don't... Don't. That isn't-" He stopped himself, his body starting to shake as he let out a quiet sob, dropping his eye contact. He gruffly wiped his tears away before looking at her again with hurt eyes.

"...Don't say anything you're going to regret later, Ana." He finally said in an utterly disheveled voice, his skin turning pale. "Don't fucking do it." Eyre was in denial, but he knew he was losing her.

And still, of course, he hoped that she would take it back.

The fit

The Gryffindor's glare darkened when Eyre said she ought to see a professional. How the hell could some bookish weirdo help or even began to understand her problem? They couldn't. What Ana was dealing with was so terrifying and complex that she doubted any of her friends would be able to understand any of it, much less a random stranger. She didn't even dignify that part of his argument with a response, merely scoffing and shaking her head slightly.

She scowled slightly at the nickname but tried to ignore it. She was a princess, to be sure, and generally, she was perfectly fine with it. The way Eyre said it though... It made it sound like something terrible and she really didn't appreciate it."Oh, I'm sorry, who the fuck gave you the right to judge any of my personal choices?" Ana snapped. God, was he seriously going to be all holier than thou because she had kissed a few boys at a few parties. It reminded her far too much of her parents' attempts to control her betrothal, and she wasn't about to stand for it. She had refused to take it from her own parents and she certainly wasn't about to take it from someone with such clearly flawed romantic judgment.

Eyre's reaction to her words was exactly what one would have expected but it didn't mean that seeing it didn't break her heart all over again. Part of her knew that even though she truly meant what she was saying, she hated that she was hurting him in the process. The other, more volatile part hated him and didn't care how he reacted as long as he was out of her life.

She was about to walk away from this entire stupid situation, this argument, this friendship, when she heard another pathetic round of pleading. For some reason, his presumption to tell her what to do filled her with anger. Did he know her at all? She wasn't built for regret, not in the slightest. She might make the occasional mistake, but she would learn from it and do better. She wouldn't waste a moment on something as common and pointless as regret. That was in addition to the fact that he still felt like he got to tell her what to do. He didn't, nobody did anymore, and the idea of him feeling like he did made her see red.

"God, I'm not," she hissed, her eyes wide and slightly crazed. "I. Don't. Want. Anything. To. Do. With. You. You should be used to that by now, after all, you have two sets of parents who don't want you." She cocked her head slightly as she said the last sentence, in a classic mean girl fashion. If an observer were to walk in on this moment, they would assume this was little more than a Queen Bee type expressing her dominance. They certainly would never guess that the two had been friends.

The moment the words left her mouth, Ana knew she had crossed a line. That was something she was good at, crossing the line from school girl taunts to heartbreaking insults, but even she knew she had gone too far. Normally, the going too far wasn't something that bothered her, because normally the people she was insulting were strangers or people she vehemently disliked. Never a friend. Still, she didn't waver as she stared him down.

Interacting with @Anastasia Beckett

The Fight 'Fit

Eyre slapped her in the face for saying that.

It was a knee-jerk reaction. He'd always had a problem with keeping his anger down, and the fact that he'd been able to manage up until that point in the game was quite impressive. The sole reason why he'd demonstrated so much self-control is because he thought that she was his friend. He thought that because of that, maybe, just maybe, she would realize that she was being irrational. But instead, she spit it back into his face and decided to purposefully hurt him with the one thing that she knew would absolutely devastate him.

The minute the comment left her lips and she tilted her head at him smugly, it was as if a match had been dropped into a can of petrol, igniting a eruption that rippled through him in white-hot rage. That's when he struck her hard across the face with a deafening crack. It was hard enough to make his palm sting, but he didn't care. The pain was overshadowed by how hard he began to spiral at that moment as the reality of the situation took hold of him.

Eyre had never been so aggressive towards a friend before. Granted, he was the competitive type that enjoyed sparring for fun and he'd been in his fair share of petty fights when someone pissed him off, but he never would've even conceptualized in a hundred million years that he would ever put his hands on someone that he cared about.

But, she deserved it. She completely deserved to be slapped for stooping so low. She could've picked any other insult in the book: a rich prat, a stupid entitled prick, even a gangly giraffe, for Christ's sake. He would've preferred any of them over her cruelly reminding him that no one wanted him. He wasn't wanted when he was born, and he wasn't wanted by his own parents that adopted him. Knowing it absolutely gutted him and made his existence feel meaningless, and to have it used as ammunition against him was absolutely unforgivable.

Eyre was trembling with fury after it happened, growling out between his teeth as he shoved her backwards for good measure. He felt sick to his stomach, but he wasn't willing to back down now. If Ana was asking for a fight, he was going to give it to her.

The fit

The slap caught her completely off guard. Eyre had less of a volatile temper than she did, but she knew he still had a temper. She never would have in a million years thought he would have hit her. Maybe silently walk away and hate her forever, maybe snapback with another snide remark about what a princess she was or how she was crazy, but never actually strike her. It was hard too, sending her back to that horrible night in July. She stumbled a few steps back when he shoved her. The irony of him shoving her the way she had Rose wasn't lost on her.

Her breathing was shaky as she brought a hand to her mouth. Even though her mouth was full of the distinctive metallic taste, the sight of blood on her fingertips shocked her. Trembling like a leaf, all she could think about was what had happened the last time she'd been struck like that. How her father had so easily disowned her, how her mother had stood by, and everything that had happened because of it. She stared at her fingers for a few seconds in disbelief.

Then, she looked up and met Eyre's eyes. There was no sign of the boy that she had found in the pile of stuffed animals all those years ago, the friend she had trusted with nearly everything with over the years, the concerned friend who had brought her cookies after the ball, or even the heartbroken mess from the train station. All she could see what hatred and anger, and it hurt. Had she not been hurt enough? Why did everything have to hurt so badly? Why did everyone she had ever believed in, even a little, fail her so?

For a moment, just a moment, her heartbreak and hurt were visible in her eyes. Then it was replaced by cold rage and she punched him as hard as she could. She wasn't someone who punched particularly well, seeing as she was a spoiled high society girl and she generally preferred magic or words when she wanted to hurt others. That didn't mean she couldn't punch hard when she was angry. She had knocked Rafa's ex-boyfriend to the ground at the ball, and she wasn't even half as angry at him as she was at Eyre at that moment. Her fist made contact with a terrible yet satisfying crunch.

"Yeah, that's the way to convince me that I even remotely want you in my life," she spat after her fist struck. She wiped her still bleeding mouth again while staring him as if daring him to throw another strike. She wasn't going to be the one to back down from a fight. She never was, even when she ought to.