A Useless Apology w/ Alan Vanes

May, 2018

Oh! Um...hey, Alan, is it, right? Yeah. I'm just writing to say I'm sorry that you have to endure all this in the dorm, you know. As Dorm Head, I'm trying to make things better, but those two can't be changed. I think you know who I mean.

But yeah, it's nice meeting you, I guess. I hope that we can become friends, and one day I'll learn to say no. Hopefully you'll be beside me when that one day comes.



Oh, hey Anatole(?).
You don't need to apologize, there is no need for you to do so. I kinda think it may be fun to prank a prof, it is not really a bad prank either. We are not going to hurt anyone so I am okay with it. Yes the two scare me a bit, just because we have a history kinda. But I want to be their friend and I want to be your friend. So don't worry about it.



F...Fun? Oh God, I can attest to the fun, yeah. Daddy Dorian had pulled me on a prank spree before and it scared the heck out of me... I don't like it...and I actually regret saying yes. I...I guess it's too late now, huh?

I wouldn't be surprised if I got fired for this, considering Valtome and his iron fist. I've met him once before he had even taught a class and he scares me so bad...but he's so fun to mimic! Ugh, wow! I just hope he has some grain of sympathy once all this is over. I like being Prefect.

But yeah, about the...friend thing. I'd really like to actually have a friend in the dorm for once. It's been a while since I've felt comfortable sleeping in my own bed, you know, knowing they're so unpredictable that I could wake up with a drawn-on mustache the next day. But...how can you be friends with them? I...I need some tips. I can't crack their shells if I wanted to. But please, be my friend. I need one right now.

Thanks for letting me open up.



Oh.... Dorian, eh.... I hope he forgave me. Gosh all of this was so strange. I have some backstory with Max and Dorian but I know that Max would murder me in my sleep should I tell you about it. Even thinking about it makes me cringe. And I like pranks just didn't have the chance to pull one until now... Do you think they would understand me pulling one on them?

V-Valtome? This scary professor? He really scares me with all those words. I mean I understand what he is meaning but sometimes my head just swirls and gets dizzy when he starts talking.

I really hope you won't get into any trouble because of this. Maybe you could pretend to be sick? That way you would not have to do this prank and would not get into trouble?



I wouldn't risk trying to pull one on them. They'd sniff that down like a bloodhound and deal out revenge faster than an owl delivers letters. Don't mess with them, you'll regret it. Trust me.

But wait...haven't you messed with them already since you call them your friends? How?!?

Being sick seems the easy way out. And in order for them to actually be convinced, it would take some hardcore magic. I can't act! I was terrible whenever people have seen me perform in any sense, and no wonder Sergei and the Beast failed! There's no way I can pull that off without constantly casting Steleus on myself. And that in itself would be noticeable! I think I'll just have to go in the end. After all, Dorian did say something like "They don't have to know", right? As long as we don't get caught...just as long as we don't get caught I'll be okay. Please tell me you have other ideas, and please don't tell anyone. Just faking being sick is worth the risk. Either that, or I could easily hide under my bed so that they don't notice right before they go. I'll even sleep in the Dorm of Dumbledore for a night if I have to!

I can't believe they're actually going to do it. I just can't believe it.



You think so? I think it may turn out funny. Prank Wars in a Dormitory. We could either go against each other or against other dorms, what do you think? It would be funny! My dad told me stories about how they pulled the most amazing pranks!

Oh, I easily call people friends. We kinda just know each other from an adventure and I really hope we will turn out to be friends. It will be really tough to proof myself to Max, but he is awesome! Don't you think? When I was afraid he came to me and introduced himself to me so I just tagged along.

Hm, who says it has to be done by magic? Don't you know that joke shop in Diagon Alley? They sell pretty amazing stuff and they most likely have this "Essay Escapes". This is how I call them at least. If you forgot about an exam you can eat a sweet and it will make you seem sick.... I think it would be worth a try, if you really do not want to prank Sorrel with us. However that would be a shame. It would be really fun, if you tag along. If you would be to get caught I can take the blame on me, so that you won't get into trouble. Okay?

It is actually quite fun, my father gave me a map actually and with that map I can go to Hogsmeade and buy funny stuff. Don't tell anyone though.



I'm proudly representing whatever's left of sanity here - prank wars are bad. It's a terrible idea, and boy, I know exactly how Valtome will react. He'd be mad if he found out! Beyond...god...what's a big word...beyond irritated! Sure, that's big! Irritated! I wouldn't want to dream of what would happen...and how can we prank with keeping our doors locked and to ourselves, which is one of the few ways he'd find favor in us "little monsters"? B-But when it comes to the two of them, it might happen anyways before I can stop them.

If you're a real friend of mine, you wouldn't encourage it.

Oh boy. Oh boy...that...candy thing? Now that I think it over, it's less of me not wanting to go, considering they could get busted, but more of a want to stop this. I don't want them to go out and get our dorm in more trouble. I don't care about this or that reputation, I just want to convince them that troublemaking is bad, or not even affiliate with them...you know? They're going to mess with me anyways.

But hey! That candy might be worth a try. I think that the perks of not going override the perks of going and getting busted. It's best to act like I was never a part of it so that I don't lose my job. I've got a few things to do Prefect-wise...so do you mind going out and getting the candy this weekend? How long does it last? I can pay you back.

Thanks for all your help.



Ehhhhhhh.... Honestly, we are young and you only live once! So it's either now or never. If Valtome should be mean to u, we could blame him. Hilarious would be to prank him with a potion, don't you think? I would love the irony of this, but we would be dead or expelled afterwards. You can't believe how much I am laughing at the moment. Anyways we should pull this prank on Sorrel first and afterwards I would really like to start a prank war with Dorian next school year.

I can be a good friend without keeping all rules, don't you think? I have other qualities maybe....

I could try sneaking out and get one of these sweets. If I got it I will tell you how much it did cost. Trust me this will work out perfectly. You won't loose the job.



That's kind of funny that you think about it that way. I don't want to think about risking it all just for a series of pranks. It isn't now or never, it's now or sometime within the next six years. I know you know I'll be here keeping you all in line.

It doesn't make a lot of sense what you say with Valtome. If we blame him, that would only lead to more trouble. And pranking with a potion? You're signing up for a premature expell-ment or death. You said it perfectly. Oh, and you shouldn't be laughing! Nothing you're writing about is okay to laugh at...well, okay, the Sorrel prank will be funny, but no prank war. If we get caught this time around, I will not hesitate to tell Valtome about your proposed prank war. It isn't right...can't we just be normal boys and play in the mud or something? Well, you guys can, I don't want to get too dirty.

Well, yes...you can be a good friend and not be perfect, but there are some basics are kept for our safety and things, such as you can't go into the Forbidden Forest. There's a line you're not supposed to cross, and I don't think Max or Dorian have really...found it yet. No one in our dorm really has any boundaries, and I'm just dragged along the road because I can't say a simple word...but about the candies...

Thanks. I'm glad you understand my...uh...what is it? Passion. Yeah. Leave them under my pillow Sunday night or...or...uh...or we're not friends, I guess.



Well you can try at least to keep us in line, hehe~
I mean you won’t be always there to watch us and so far you are about to let us prank a professor. Don’t worry we will not get caught and you will not get into trouble. We will just… see what will happen in the end. The life is short and it might be fun to experience a lot of things, therefore starting early might pay out. So stopping me from pranking people is not possible. I already hold back for the past year, really!

It would, right? But it might be fun. I meaaan, he must understand at least some fun right? Don’t worry I am not stupid enough to risk being expelled, … I think. You do not have to help us, your position as prefect is safe. You just can pretend to know nothing and if you want to I can shut up about pranks. Therefore you will know nothing. Therefore you also will not be able to stop me from what I am planning to do. Might actually work out if I think about it.

Oh yeah, some lines should not be crossed, or so I guess. We will find it eventually. Some people find it when they had to scrub cauldron without magic… Well I guess this will happen at some point, don’t you think? You should not rat us out. We are dorm mates and there is a certain level of trust. You might find plans that will turn out as a disaster, but you can’t tell anybody about it. Remember what Max said, he would most likely hurt or hex you.

I will get the candy for you as soon as possible, do not worry about it!



You know what, Alan? You're that type of villain who tells the good guy all his plans right before he does them. I can't believe I'm still laughing, just reading your words. No matter what you do, I'll probably be around you one way or another. I hear much more than I'd like to hear.

The pranking...yeah, that was my bad...and I told you I couldn't help it! They'd murder me if I went back on my word. Oh, and I know that Valtome's heartless. All of his fun is...uh...what is his fun? I can't think of it right now and will write you back if I ever see that...that...um...that statue (sure, he's a statue now!) smile!

I don't want to think about pranks anymore. They scare me, but I can't let you hide this from me. Friends don't hide things! And that type of villain I discussed above is the best kind of villain. They're...um...transparent!

Oh. That's...nice to hear. I...um...have no words.

Anyways, bring me the candy. Yeah.

I won't worry anymore...friend. I won't let any lick of fear cross my mind.