Memories; Ghosts in Their Own Right PV Deathmote

First, there would be a chill. A sudden drop in temperatures. No noticeable gust of wind to herald this sudden cold, it would be normal ambient room temperature, and suddenly it wouldn't be. Didn't much matter what you were wearing, the cold was piercing, raising goose bumps and sending odd shivers up and down your spine.

Second, there would be a feeling of dread. It felt different for everyone, but it was always there, always right after the cold. The feeling that you weren't on top of the foodchain anymore, that there was something bigger out there, a predator. The feeling that you were small and the shadows were large.

Third, the lights would start to dim, the torches would begin to flicker in panic. The light seemed to flee, retreating to only the strongest moonbeams that still braved their way through the few windows of the corridors.

Fourth, the shadows started to move. Just a little at first, but then more, and more. Lashing tentacles of some great beast, trying to grasp and tug and tear at anything and everything, but too incorporeal to achieve whatever great vengeance they so clearly strove for.

Finally, the source. The clear and evidence cause of this physical malice. Glowing little red eclipses for eyes, hair as black as a raven's feather, but about five times as mussed, sticking out randomly, and even sporting a leaf or two. Deep, dark shadows that would make any raccoon envious ringed the underside of tired eyes, standing in stark contrast to the sickeningly pale grey skin that didn't look like it belonged on someone living.

He had been thinking about a little gryffindor, a little gryffindor who had told the ex-prefect of the fate that awaited him. Of what happened to those who tread the path Kaegen called home. Sad. Scared. Alone. were the words that were starting to haunt the boy, like a curse, or an ink stain he couldn't seem to remove. It was usually so easy to forget things, to move on and move forward, to adapt and survive and keep his mind focused.

But this, but these little words dodged and danced and laughed. They infuriated him, drove him insane. Made the shadows around him lash out with the same ferocity that the boy himself very much wanted to lash out with. He had almost passed the little girl in the window when he smelled her, smelled blood and life. He turned, and stared up at the little sill, at the girl who was out past curfew with him. A distraction? Possibly.

The darkness and cold faded quite a bit, and the glowing eyes blinked. He was wearing a faded, fraying old black robe, tips of spidery, long fingers peeking out from the sleeves' opening, tipped with dark, dull claws. His voice was hoarse and quiet, raspy like dried leaves. Some specter from the depths of hogwarts. The other students talked about him in hushed whispers. The monster of Hogwarts' Halls, the dreaded beast with the glowing eclipse eyes.

"Hello."

A series of events froze the child in place, triggering an all too tender fear in her deep set since April. The temperature around her fell drastically, and nervously the child only pulled her knees closer to herself and tugged her sleeves over scarred hands, hoping to keep her warmth in a bit more. She could feet the tip of her wand in her sleeve pressing against her palm; if she had too, all it would take was a flick of her elbow to arm herself if she had to. Still though, in her mind, she tried to justify it reasonably, trying to convince herself it must be a draft, or a shift in the unpredictable Scottish autumn. Certainly when one was knowingly breaking the rules, they had to take care not to lose their head.

Then, a nearly familiar feeling of dread filled her; helpless and hopeless. Familiar in the way that she'd felt something akin at least twice this year already. However, the series of primal instincts being triggered now already had her assuming the absolute worst. Too nervous and scared to start running back to her Common Room, Illowy only shifted in her perch, studying the outside harder, particularly the Forbidden Forest.

Shadows shifting and slithering, ebbing at the corners of her eyes and eating at whatever few torches were still light this late in the night. Swallowing hard, Illowy hoped the feeling would pass. After all, there was no way one of those creature would actually be roaming the grounds of Hogwarts, much less the halls... right? Professor Lear would never allow such a thing.

Her mother had said before that such a thing had once happened though... more then once, actually.

Then came the most unexpected thing: A voice.

"Hello."

The snake nearly jumped from her skin, flicking her arm which produced her wand from her sleeve in a well practiced motion, catching it by the handle as she turned to face the voice and ready for a fight if needed. Yet, to her relief surprise, all that stood before her was the infamous Ravenclaw, Kaegen Deathmote.

"Bloody hell, are ye completely barkin' mad, sneakin' up on someone like that?" she spoke, accent thick, in what only could be described as a whisper scream. Her heart was pounding beneath her jumper as she lowered her wand and rested a hand on her chest, trying to quiet the heartbeat that might wake the entire school.

Personally, she didn't know much about the strange, solitary student. Frankly, she didn't know anyone else who really knew anything about him either, aside from that he had blown up a bathroom the year previous, hurting several. That had certainly been an attention getter, and if his intention in that had been to ward away any students from getting close to him, it certainly seemed to get the point across.

Pale, ghostly eyes studied him for a moment. He was odd in every right, looking like a walking corpse without the rot. Right down to his red, eclipsed eyes, peering out from black circles that very well could've been assumed so be some sort of mask or make up if one didn't know better. It was like two rings of hell were being held in his eyes. That hardly frightened Illowy though; if anything, she'd been curious about the boy. Wondering what had gone on in his life to make his such a strange figure that seemed to be able to pass through the halls like Moses parting the red sea.

All the same, she had to admit it was creepy seeing him this late at night, and being completely on her own with him. She wondered if what she had assumed was the cause of the strange effects in her was due to him... or if her first monstrous assumption was still lurking about somewhere in this darkness.

She asked if he was completely crazy, sneaking up on her. He thought that was an odd question, as he hadn't been sneaking at all. Things moved out of his way, they fled. His presence moved far and beyond ahead of him, surely she had felt him coming. Or seen his little shadows. Few people didn't notice him, and even those had eyes, could see things moving that shouldn't be moving, could feel the lowering temperature.

"I wasn't sneaking. Usually people feel me coming, and leave."

Had she not heard? Most students knew what to do as soon as they felt the shiver go down the back of their necks. They knew who was coming, and they knew who they didn't want to be around. It was a system they had. Some students even kept track of where Kaegen was, and sent little owls back and forth to warn their friends. He could hear their chatter well enough, on those few times he walked around without his castle walls to protect him.

"Why are you out so late, anyway. Demons and monsters walk these dark halls."

Kaegen himself only wandered this late because he was convinced that people were much more terrifying than anything that actually marketed itself as a monster. At least the monster was upfront about what it was, with humans you just had to hope you weren't going to end up stabbed in the back as you walked to your classroom.

The girl rose a brow as he spoke about people leaving the moment they felt him coming. If that dreadful feeling was him, she was frankly more relieved then anything in this moment. At least for now, "If that feeling was because of you, then I'm less then worried. Frankly, I thought it was something else." of course she knew about the whispers in the hall, seeing people scurry about with his name of their breath as though the lad were He Who Shall Not Be Named.

Of course Illowy couldn't completely blame a bunch of silly children to be afraid of another student who gave off such a foreboding vibration, along with an even more unnerving reputation; but the way Illowy saw it, until she knew for herself his true nature, it didn't feel right to be completely afraid. It was like the children on her street. When he magic first truly manifested, it resulted in a young boy who had been teasing her to be thrown off the jungle gym; though all anyone else who was there assumed was that she had just ruthlessly shoved him. She'd been infamous on her street ever since.

That didn't mean she was ruthless or violent... no matter what those other people said. It seemed only right to give the lad the benefit of the doubt until she knew better.

As he inquired about her being out so late, Illowy shrugged and tucked a confused curl of hair behind her ear, giving a half-hearted smile, "Demons and monsters walk in my mind. Its easier to just keep them at bay by staying up then letting them come for me by sleeping." the snake explained, "Besides, the Slytherin Common Room gets stuffy. I needed air."

"I'm one of the monsters, you know. Different, but just a little."

Kaegen took a step back regardless, just to make sure. She said that she was less than worried, did that mean she thought she could kill him? Maybe, it was possible that she was lying in wait just for him. Possible, but unlikely. How would she know where he was going to walk? He used a different path every night, he was careful to not expose himself to easy tracking techniques, the whole nine yards.

That didn't mean it was impossible, just less likely. He was both relieved and worried further when the girl went on to explain that there were monsters and demons that attacked her consistently when she slept. That sleeping for her was dangerous not only because it made her vulnerable, not only because it robbed her of precious seconds she could be spending trying to learn and focus, grow stronger and faster.

He was relieved because it gave her a plausible reason for being there, for being out here where he could run across her. It gave her an alibi of sorts, which meant that Kaegen was far less likely to jump to the conclusion that she was evil incarnate come to wreak havoc upon him. But he was also worried, because not only did that imply that she was someone that people wanted, and were failing to, kill. But also that she were saying demons attacked you while you slept, through your head. And that was worrying especially because that meant that it could happen to him as well.

"Did they follow you here? How many are there."

Pale eyes looked the boy up and down for a moment as he explained that he was a monster, "I've seen scarier..." she decided aloud, "The worst you could do is kill me, and believe me, there are worse things then death."

He seemed to be analyzing her. As though deciding if she ought to be considered a threat to him or not. Perhaps not at this moment, but possibly one day if the need arose, she could be; but was wasn't to be considered just yet.

Magnards do not start fights; they finish them.

The words of her mother echoed in the back of her mind a moment until the boy spoke again, questioning her about such demons. The girl smiled slightly, shaking her head at his misunderstanding of her, "They aren't demons that can get to you. Not unless you experienced them first, and you havn't, so you're safe from them. Just as the demons that may haunt you, in your mind or memories, can't reach me. We all have our own monsters." the child explained.

Re-situating herself, the girl shifted to face him a bit more, criss-crossing her legs beneath her. Her own eyes stared back at him, analyzing the Ravenclaw with the same curiosity, "You're a Dhampir, aren't you? Deadly, but I hope only when you need to be. I know that you're Kaegen Deathmote and a third year, and that people are afraid of you. Especially after what you did in the bathrooms last year. At least, that's when I first heard about you." she spoke. People may think that the girl was nothing more then a pompous, know-it-all Slytherin that only cared about herself; but that didn't mean that she didn't hear things. She was always listening, "I've seen things scarier then you. Just as well, if you're anything like me, then I'm sure there's more to you then just hearsay. By the looks of you, I think you're afraid, if not cautious. I've never seen you just... be around anyone, so I'll assume you have few, if any, friends. Which I can understand. But just because you may seem scary and questionable, doesn't mean much of anything to me."

Leaning back against the window, the girl found his deep, hollow eyes, "I reserve the term 'monster' who prove that's what they're meant to be. If you were truly a monster, then you'd be expelled by now. And yet, here we are."

So she was stupid, then. Mentally deficient, lacking greatly in the brain, however you wanted to say it, it was obvious. There were worse things than death? No, death was the ultimate end, death marked the last ticking second of your existence, when death struck, you were no longer anyone or anything. No, there was nothing worse than death. At least you could feel the pain of torture, feel the splinter of broken bones. You didn't think in death, you simply ceased, and rotted away.

For Kaegen, it was the ultimate fear, the great silent grasping claw that outshone all the other fears and evils of the world. Every fear he had was somehow tied to some form of death, and every death was worse than the last. But in the end, all his different ideas of death that swirled and churned about in his mind were all simply death. They all boiled down to death in the end, because that was his fear, and for this girl to disregard what he saw as the only logical thing to fear seemed stupid to the boy.

But he didn't respond, seeing no reason to argue about fear, or what she thought was worse than death. He didn't doubt that she thought something was worse, but he also knew that her opinion was entirely and irrevocably wrong. It was incorrect, and his opinion was correct. So he slightly narrowed his eyes, just a fraction of an inch, and continued to listen. He hardly shifted as she told him that everyone had monsters and demons, which was equally preposterous, because you could kill monsters. And how come no one had gotten rid of theirs? No, this was nonsense.

His eyes only narrowed further as she continued, his hate only boiled higher when she called him a dhampir. He was no dhampir, dhampir were half human and he was all monster. He was no dhampir, to be labelled and shipped off as an attraction if a half-blood fair, he was Kaegen Deathmote. He was not a human, or a half human, or even a quarter human. Kaegen was all monster, he made sense. He knew of monsters and fear and so monsters and fear became a cloak to wear, to ward off the world. Everyone who took half a second to talk with him always said the same.

Are you a dhampir? You're a dhampir? Oh I know you, you're the dhampir. Like it was something special, like they had somehow cracked some kind of code. As if they were brilliant for noticing his skin, or his eyes, or the gaps in his teeth. It felt like he had a bloody nose, and everywhere he went everyone was pointing out that his nose was bloody, as if he didn't already know. Of course he knew, it was his own nose.

But that in itself was fine, he was moderately okay with being constantly called a half something. He was more or less fine with everyone ignoring the fact that he was a full Kaegen Deathmote, not a half vampire. But the girl went on to say that she thought he was scared, that she had seen scarier things than him. He didn't care that her ideas didn't match his. It meant she wasn't smart, but you didn't have to have intelligence to survive, just wisdom. He didn't much care that she couldn't recognize what he was, and he could even overlook the fact that she was of the opinion that everyone had little demons fighting them.

But then she made it sound like he was nothing. The most she gave him, the very most he had obtained in the ways of recognition was that she had mentioned in passing how people were scared of him. Which, she also made a point to say, didn't mean much of anything to her. She had seen worse than him, he looked scared to her. Scared? He hated being scared. He hated in general. A lack of direction and goals had made Kaegen desperate. He was the kind of boy who needed something to fight for, and when he could no longer find a purpose, he had turned to hate, and had grabbed hold with both hands.

He constantly tried to shed fear, and constantly failed. Even now, as his eyes narrowed still further, red rings beginning to glow once more as the shadows began to come alive, he was afraid. But that fear he felt was far overshadowed by the bubbling, boiling well of hatred that was coming alive inside him. Hate was his goal now, it was the only purpose he had left. And hate animated the shadows, hate made the room cold and kept people away.

He hated because she had dismissed him, he hated because somewhere deep down, he knew she was right. He knew he was a dhampir and that he was afraid, and very cautious. But he hated that she could see it, that it existed.

"Expelled? If they could be rid of me they would have done so long ago. I am the monster of Hogwarts halls, Kaegen Deathmote. My walls make students shiver, from first year to seventh. They are not scared of smoke and mirrors, they are scared of me. They are scared because they know what I am, and what I can do. I am not half of anything, because half of a man cannot do battle with death, and half of a man cannot fight the death witches for as long as I have. There is none like me in this castle, and after I am gone there will never be a second."

He would have spat the words out if he could, but his throat was as it usually was. It was hoarse and pained, and the most he could manage was a forceful rasp. He was defying the girl, defying the straw man of her arguments he had built up with past prejudices and assumptions. To say Kaegen was hard to get along with would be an understatement.

He felt alone, and scared, and he hated the world.

The girl only sat there quietly and listened as he ranted and raved about the fear he struck in their fellow students. How it was impossible to ride the school of him, because he was some terrible monster the haunted the school; as though he were trapped like Moaning Myrtle or the Bloody Barron.

Illowy was a quiet and observant child. People spoke things around her when they thought no one was listening, she saw things people tried to hide with the mindset that no one was paying attention. Illowy was always paying attention. Call it nosy, call it eavesdropping or spying or what have you; but knowledge is power, and Illowy was always hungry for both.

When his hoarse voice finally stopped croaking at her, the girl did nothing but off a small nod, "I see." she spoke simply, "Be it monster or man, all things, living, dead or in between, get scared or lonely." she decided aloud. Then she offered a shrug, "And either way, I reserve judgment until I have a reason to pass it. And I won't be made afraid until I have to be. If you were a monster, why would you not simply kill me already. It would have save you that speech and you'd be plenty satisfied with yourself, I'd imagine."

The snake dropped her legs from the sill of the great stone window, "There is more to everyone then meets the eye. The first thing anyone ever sees in me is a Slytherin; which must mean I'm selfish, devious, inherently evil and a biggot, which is hardly the case. Looking at you, one might assume the worst, but I'm sure there's more to you then just the rumors and your appearance. I'd even wager the idea that you are a monster would never have crossed your mind if someone hadn't put such a terrible idea in your head to begin with."

Glowing red slits were all that remained of the ravenclaw's eyes, shadows flickering here and there, little reaching tendrils where none should have been. It was not a constant red, but something flickering, a flame that glowed like an ember. His eyes were the only part of him that looked alive in the slightest, the only part of him that didn't look faded. He hated so many things about this situation. He hated how the girl on the ledge dared to say that he wasn't a monster, that he wasn't something she should fear.

He found comfort in how the students fled, he found solace in their hatred and judgement. They were afraid of him because he was different, it was a mark that he was not one of them, that he had a real chance to survive and thrive. He wasn't human, so they feared him. He had more drive and power, so they stayed out of his way. He was better, stronger, faster, and they were all jealous.

"No one cares what bedroom a hat told you you had to stay in."

Kaegen wanted to scream, to plunge his fangs into her chest, just below the ribcage. He wanted to feel her blood on his hand and laugh as the warmth faded from her body. To prove he was a monster, to prove that he was something that should be feared. You feared what was above you on the food chain, didn't you? Their fear was proof that he was someone. He had lost his names, his friend, his hopes and goals. All he had was the knowledge that he was somebody that should be feared. That, and hate.

But attacking like that was not his way, attacking like that was the way of man, the way of dogs and children and pompous men who knew nothing. His way was the way of the predator, of the beast. He followed the path of the monster and he walked in a world that reflected the twisted beliefs of his heart. He was not lonely, he refused to be lonely. He was not lonely because he had hatred, a burning hatred that tried to mask the hole that threatened to swallow him up.

"You not very smart, are you."

Kaegen started to move onwards, down the hall. Following the path he had originally been following. He was done with the nonsense, done with the little pests that would die, the students whose names he didn't plan on trying to remember. Why would you remember something that could be snatched up and killed at any time? Why would you name something expendable and meaningless?

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