17 Jun 2019, 05:23
Its Getting Late...
It was late, she knew. Whether or not it was curfew to be back in the common rooms or not, Illowy wasn't sure. She'd simply been wandering the corridors for what felt like hours, walking aimlessly. Her mind felt too full, however, to even think about going to bed. What would bed accomplish? It would be another sleepless night that threatened nightmare once more. It wasn't simply nightmares that hung over her head like a threatening storm cloud, it was words... whispers people thought she couldn't hear.. and the ones people dared to say to her face.
A snake through and through...
Selfish... cynical...emotionless
Evil... cruel...
They all hung over her, clinging to various memories. In her heart, she wanted to believe that she wasn't those things. Could she be cold, yes. Could she be interpenetrated as rude or tactless? Sure, but most of the time it came from a place of honesty or self defensiveness. Slytherin didn't seem to be the most popular house since the last war, but what fault of that was her's? What control did she have over that? Didn't she do her best to help other students if she thought they were in trouble? Try to keep what few friends she had safe, even if it meant harm to her? Didn't she try her best to be a good person?
Maybe that was it? Maybe, in spite of her best efforts, deep down she wasn't a good person? Perhaps what people thought was more accurate. What if she only did the things she did to appear good?
Her mind traveled to every terrible thing she'd ever done. Every criticism she'd given without thought about if she was saying it in a kind and constructive way. Every time she'd let her sharp tongue get ahead of her, not caring if it hurt someone... each time someone attempted to be her friend and she assumed the worst; assumed they thought the terrible things she thought of herself, and would only want to hurt her in the end, so she pushed them away by whatever means necessary.
Illowy didn't like to think of herself as soft or weak. She didn't like to cry, but as she fell deeper into these thoughts, hot tears stung at her icy blue hues. The Slytherin stopped walking, leaning against one of the cold stone pillars and letting herself slide down it until she sat on the floor. She stared at her hands and arms, pink and scarred from when she'd tried to help put out the fire at the ball. That was good of her, wasn't it? Or was it a lesson to teach her that trying to help people who only hate you, just hurts you in the end?
That night played like a reel in her mind; following Isaac through the Forbidden Forest, trying to protect him from the Dementor... the creature gripping her, holding her... grabbing all of these terrible thoughts and memories by the root and dragging them up to the surface to torment her.
In that moment, all Illowy wanted to do was scream, but her voice felt like it was gone; barely used since that night. Not to answer questions in class, not to try to socialize even with her own house. The girl felt helpless, like she was falling into a pit that she didn't know how to climb out of. Illowy pulled her knees to her chest, hiding her face in them.
What was she to do? All she wanted was to be good... but all signs, all thoughts, all memories, pointed to that she might actually be evil at heart the way everyone else seemed to think she was.
A snake through and through...
Selfish... cynical...emotionless
Evil... cruel...
They all hung over her, clinging to various memories. In her heart, she wanted to believe that she wasn't those things. Could she be cold, yes. Could she be interpenetrated as rude or tactless? Sure, but most of the time it came from a place of honesty or self defensiveness. Slytherin didn't seem to be the most popular house since the last war, but what fault of that was her's? What control did she have over that? Didn't she do her best to help other students if she thought they were in trouble? Try to keep what few friends she had safe, even if it meant harm to her? Didn't she try her best to be a good person?
Maybe that was it? Maybe, in spite of her best efforts, deep down she wasn't a good person? Perhaps what people thought was more accurate. What if she only did the things she did to appear good?
Her mind traveled to every terrible thing she'd ever done. Every criticism she'd given without thought about if she was saying it in a kind and constructive way. Every time she'd let her sharp tongue get ahead of her, not caring if it hurt someone... each time someone attempted to be her friend and she assumed the worst; assumed they thought the terrible things she thought of herself, and would only want to hurt her in the end, so she pushed them away by whatever means necessary.
Illowy didn't like to think of herself as soft or weak. She didn't like to cry, but as she fell deeper into these thoughts, hot tears stung at her icy blue hues. The Slytherin stopped walking, leaning against one of the cold stone pillars and letting herself slide down it until she sat on the floor. She stared at her hands and arms, pink and scarred from when she'd tried to help put out the fire at the ball. That was good of her, wasn't it? Or was it a lesson to teach her that trying to help people who only hate you, just hurts you in the end?
That night played like a reel in her mind; following Isaac through the Forbidden Forest, trying to protect him from the Dementor... the creature gripping her, holding her... grabbing all of these terrible thoughts and memories by the root and dragging them up to the surface to torment her.
In that moment, all Illowy wanted to do was scream, but her voice felt like it was gone; barely used since that night. Not to answer questions in class, not to try to socialize even with her own house. The girl felt helpless, like she was falling into a pit that she didn't know how to climb out of. Illowy pulled her knees to her chest, hiding her face in them.
What was she to do? All she wanted was to be good... but all signs, all thoughts, all memories, pointed to that she might actually be evil at heart the way everyone else seemed to think she was.
I was told I was dangerous. When I asked why, they said, "Because you don't need anyone." That's when I smiled.
17 Jun 2019, 05:47
Its Getting Late...
Reducio
@Illowy Magnard
Ah, great. The clock on her watch shined brightly. She flittered about the corridors, her fingers clutching the wand in her hand, hoping it would offer some comfort. Hopefully being a little late to the common room wouldn't be enough for an expulsion or detention. Well, maybe the latter would be decent. Not expulsion though, anything but that. It wasn't like it was too late, after all. Just twenty minutes before time. Only twenty.
The Gryffindor common room was so far away, and so high up. It didn't help that the Chamber of Secrets had been so far down, and so hidden away. Had she not looked at the watch, she could've been there for hours longer. Just looking. The Chamber was so interesting and cool, it was impossible to not want to spend every minute there.
Though, fleeing from the Chamber was still nerve-wracking. She had to close it, as well, and that always was so loud and took forever, it was almost impossible to think how little time she had left. What if she didn't make it back, and the prefect caught her? Dreadful.
She was just around the corner when she stopped very suddenly. She had seen a girl her age, sitting against the wall. Millie froze. If she even thought about helping this girl, she would be late. Though, she was not mean, and she did not want anyone to be left out, especially so close to curfew.
"Um, are you alright? It's close to curfew, you know," She sounded rude and brash, like always. "Sorry, I mean I don't want anyone out here by themselves, especially so late..."
`Even if you can't change the world, you can change individuals.' Daniel Howell
Stamina: 6 | Evasion: 7 | Strength: 2 | Wisdom: 6 | ArcPower: 7 | Accuracy: 7
17 Jun 2019, 14:46
Its Getting Late...
The girl flinched, an unfamiliar voice echoing softly down the hall towards her. Illowy lifted her face from the sanctuary of her knees to look at the other, almost looking like a deer in headlights. The brunette appeared to be about her own age, and a Gryffindor by the looks of her uniform. She wondered what the girl was doing so far from her own common room, especially if it really was almost curfew like she said.
The young Slytherin sniffled, trying to be subtle as she rubbed a couple of stray tears from her cheeks using the sleeve of her robe. Illowy hadn't felt properly like herself in weeks; not since the incident. She looked like she hadn't known sleep in days, her uniform beneath her robe was consuming her from where the already small girl was barely touching anything at meals, and her normally self confident air was all but dissipated.
"Yeah, I know..." she mumbled, "I'm about to head back in a second..." not exactly the truth, the child had no immediate plan to move from that spot. The Slytherin Common Room was the last place she wanted to be. Granted, she didn't hate her house, but right now she did hate its implicated, and she hated all of the terrible witches and wizards that had risen from its ranks. Even more, she hated the idea that she very well might not be any better then them; and possibly go down in fire and infamy with him.
The young Slytherin sniffled, trying to be subtle as she rubbed a couple of stray tears from her cheeks using the sleeve of her robe. Illowy hadn't felt properly like herself in weeks; not since the incident. She looked like she hadn't known sleep in days, her uniform beneath her robe was consuming her from where the already small girl was barely touching anything at meals, and her normally self confident air was all but dissipated.
"Yeah, I know..." she mumbled, "I'm about to head back in a second..." not exactly the truth, the child had no immediate plan to move from that spot. The Slytherin Common Room was the last place she wanted to be. Granted, she didn't hate her house, but right now she did hate its implicated, and she hated all of the terrible witches and wizards that had risen from its ranks. Even more, she hated the idea that she very well might not be any better then them; and possibly go down in fire and infamy with him.
I was told I was dangerous. When I asked why, they said, "Because you don't need anyone." That's when I smiled.
19 Jun 2019, 04:13
Its Getting Late...
Reducio
@Illowy Magnard
The ability to see through truths and lies was a gift, not so uncommon. It wasn't necessarily reliable, but it did seem to point her in the right direction. Even if only a few times. The Slytherin girl seemed to be in such a bad state, Millie didn't know if she would be able to even get back to the Slytherin common room.
Upon closer examination, she realized that the girl was crying. Or at least, close to it. There was no way in hell that Millie was just going to walk away. Who gave a damn about curfew, anyway? There was nothing worst than being a terrible person, and only caring about yourself. Perhaps that was what made someone human. Their ability to distinguish the good from the bad, and only ever choosing to act on it. Brilliance, in the finest.
"You alright, miss?" Her accent had completely changed. There was nothing left about it that was British, it was only American. On the contrary to how it normally shifted. "I don't mind breaking curfew to make sure you're okay."
This was true, but it was also a half-lie. She would mind breaking curfew, but it was a cinch to making sure this poor girl was alright. Millie was not a monster. Even if her ancestry disagreed.
`Even if you can't change the world, you can change individuals.' Daniel Howell
Stamina: 6 | Evasion: 7 | Strength: 2 | Wisdom: 6 | ArcPower: 7 | Accuracy: 7
19 Jun 2019, 22:38
Its Getting Late...
Illowy looked away from the stranger, rubbing her face with her hands before letting her fingers comb the curtain of tangled, dark hair out of her eyes. She shook her head once more, "I'm fine... you should just go back to your common room..." the child tried to make her voice sound stronger and firmer then she truly felt.
The Slytherin pulled her knees a little closer to her chest, fiddling with the fabric, trying to find anything she might be able to look at other then the other girl. Illowy was almost positive her face would give away how she was truly feeling. Part of her also worried the strange girl might also see what it seemed everyone else did; that at her core, she really was no good, destined to be evil. The shame of the thought made her shudder, unable to shake the dark feeling that hung heavy around her shoulders like a wet, wool blanket.
"It's nothing worth getting yourself in trouble if you're late." she added, pressing her lips into a tight line. She could feel the other's eyes on her, watching her, trying to figure out what she was doing. Illowy had grown to hate that feeling of having eyes on her. Prying, questioning, assuming eyes that were more then ready to lay their guilty verdicts on her.
The Slytherin pulled her knees a little closer to her chest, fiddling with the fabric, trying to find anything she might be able to look at other then the other girl. Illowy was almost positive her face would give away how she was truly feeling. Part of her also worried the strange girl might also see what it seemed everyone else did; that at her core, she really was no good, destined to be evil. The shame of the thought made her shudder, unable to shake the dark feeling that hung heavy around her shoulders like a wet, wool blanket.
"It's nothing worth getting yourself in trouble if you're late." she added, pressing her lips into a tight line. She could feel the other's eyes on her, watching her, trying to figure out what she was doing. Illowy had grown to hate that feeling of having eyes on her. Prying, questioning, assuming eyes that were more then ready to lay their guilty verdicts on her.
I was told I was dangerous. When I asked why, they said, "Because you don't need anyone." That's when I smiled.
22 Jun 2019, 04:56
Its Getting Late...
Reducio
@Illowy Magnard
The Slytherin girl seemed less than fine, and Millie had an affinity for using her curiosity without caution. Like always. Every time she did something from her curiosity, people would constantly remind her "Curiosity is a sin." But why was it? Shouldn't curiosity be something you should always answer? It was an emotion just like love and happiness, or hate and sadness. They were all emotions. Created by the mind, so shouldn't people be using them? Maybe not everybody understood, but it wouldn't hurt at all to try.
Instead of listening to the girl, Millie skipped towards the girl, and sat down next to her. Curfew wasn't over yet, and with speed and velocity, she was pretty certain she would be able to get herself, and this girl back to their separate common rooms, without missing so. Or breaking any rules in the process.
"Look, I know you're not alright, and I genuinely want to help you. I'm sure whatever is bothering you, can be fixed. While it is subject to change." She offered the girl a kind smile. If she was able to radiate confidence, as Mari had told her. Millie was certain kindness could be dealt the same. After all, they were what everyone else had; emotions.
`Even if you can't change the world, you can change individuals.' Daniel Howell
Stamina: 6 | Evasion: 7 | Strength: 2 | Wisdom: 6 | ArcPower: 7 | Accuracy: 7
23 Jun 2019, 04:54
Its Getting Late...
Illowy squeezed her eyes shut as she heard the girl's steps encroaching, thinking a small prayer that she would just spin herself around and leave the snake to her own devices. That hardly seemed to the case, however, as the other brunette plopped herself right next to her. Was there no hope to salvage what little pride she had left?
As the other spoke, Illowy could only shake her head, "It can't just... be fixed." she muttered, chewing slightly on her dry lips. Everything felt like an over heated cauldron, seconds away from either bubbling over into a mess, or completely blowing up in catastrophe. Truthfully, Illowy doubted anyone would be able to simply "fix" her. Much less this girl who simply radiated goodness. What could she possible know of the terrible, evil person the Slytherin was clearly meant to be against her will?
The cauldron was bubbling. She could feel it simmering slowly to the top of her throat like word vomit, "I'm a terrible, awful, evil person... just like they all keep saying." her voice stayed soft, eyes cast down at flame scarred hands, "I don't try to be..." the voices and whispers of her bullies and prejudiced peers floated in her mind, marring the fact that she rarely spoke out of malice. They marred the memories of the caring, selfless, even self sacrificing deeds she'd done, warping and misconstruing them into ideas that she must've done so for some terrible alternative reason she couldn't name, and that was simply untrue.
"I just can't help it..."
As the other spoke, Illowy could only shake her head, "It can't just... be fixed." she muttered, chewing slightly on her dry lips. Everything felt like an over heated cauldron, seconds away from either bubbling over into a mess, or completely blowing up in catastrophe. Truthfully, Illowy doubted anyone would be able to simply "fix" her. Much less this girl who simply radiated goodness. What could she possible know of the terrible, evil person the Slytherin was clearly meant to be against her will?
The cauldron was bubbling. She could feel it simmering slowly to the top of her throat like word vomit, "I'm a terrible, awful, evil person... just like they all keep saying." her voice stayed soft, eyes cast down at flame scarred hands, "I don't try to be..." the voices and whispers of her bullies and prejudiced peers floated in her mind, marring the fact that she rarely spoke out of malice. They marred the memories of the caring, selfless, even self sacrificing deeds she'd done, warping and misconstruing them into ideas that she must've done so for some terrible alternative reason she couldn't name, and that was simply untrue.
"I just can't help it..."
I was told I was dangerous. When I asked why, they said, "Because you don't need anyone." That's when I smiled.
24 Jun 2019, 01:31
Its Getting Late...
Reducio
@Illowy Magnard
There was no way in hell that this sweet girl, sitting on the wall, crying, was an evil person. Nope, not possible. Unbelievable. Absolute and utter nonsense. This girl, seemed to be so nice. The only flaws were that, Millie could never see the difference between evil and kindness in people. Perhaps lies and truths, but never goodness or badness. Maybe she could, but she just didn't want to. It was impossible to believe that anybody could be bad.
Why had people called the girl evil? Millie herself had considered her ability evil. She had opened the Chamber of Secrets and seen bones in there. Whether they were human, or not, she didn't want to know. The ability to speak with serpents was considered to be one of the darkest arts to be known to humans. So why did the sweetest girl, gain this ability? Sure, Ophelia had it, and it had skipped her daughter, and shifted right down to her granddaughter, but why had Millie gotten it? Why not her daughter, or someone- anyone else?
"You are not a bad person. You aren't awful, or evil. Everything those people say is a lie, you hear? You should never listen to anyone else, because ninety percent of the time, they're wrong." This was true in more ways than one. Naomi had called her daughter a monster. Millie had been seven. There was no way a child so young and innocent could be a monster. There was also no way this child sitting in front of her, could be a monster.
`Even if you can't change the world, you can change individuals.' Daniel Howell
Stamina: 6 | Evasion: 7 | Strength: 2 | Wisdom: 6 | ArcPower: 7 | Accuracy: 7
24 Jun 2019, 04:03
Its Getting Late...
"I am though..." she insisted, trying to keep her voice steady, though it was unmistakable that it was starting to quiver and break, "I don't act kindly towards people... I don't even like most people. I'm rude and crass and cold..." it felt as though a tacky lump of glue was catching itself in her throat with each confession of sin, "I push away people who try to help. I lied to my family, I didn't physically stop my friend from throwing herself at the fire at the ball and she got hurt." the flood gates had opened. Both verbally and physically as tears started down her pale cheeks, "I didn't stop another friend from going into the Forbidden Forest and he got hurt, I threatened another student with the knockback jinx and yelled and screamed at him just because he was watching me draw... I'm terrible and mean to everyone who comes near me..."
She sniffled, trying to mop at her face with the sleeve of her robe, "That's probably why I got put into Slytherin in the first place. The Sorting Hat didn't even hesitate, even it knew I'm meant to be a terrible, evil witch." she whimpered. How mortifying that all of her confessions and demons that haunted her day and night, had to expel and bleed themselves out onto the floor of the corridor, and in front of a total stranger, no less.
Magnards do not cry.
Magnards do not cause scenes.
Magnards do not seek p i t y.
Margnards do not show w e a k n e s s.
Every rule ever instilled in her by her mother had been broken in one foul swoop.
She sniffled, trying to mop at her face with the sleeve of her robe, "That's probably why I got put into Slytherin in the first place. The Sorting Hat didn't even hesitate, even it knew I'm meant to be a terrible, evil witch." she whimpered. How mortifying that all of her confessions and demons that haunted her day and night, had to expel and bleed themselves out onto the floor of the corridor, and in front of a total stranger, no less.
Magnards do not cry.
Magnards do not cause scenes.
Magnards do not seek p i t y.
Margnards do not show w e a k n e s s.
Every rule ever instilled in her by her mother had been broken in one foul swoop.
I was told I was dangerous. When I asked why, they said, "Because you don't need anyone." That's when I smiled.
24 Jun 2019, 04:57
Its Getting Late...
Reducio
@Illowy Magnard
Millie waited, letting the girl cry and talk. She didn't mind. If there was anything she could call herself, it was a listener. She had listened to Saskia's rant, and didn't put in her own intel when she didn't need to. She had listened to Isaac's banter, and Alan's shaky voice when she visited him in the hospital.
Everyone else in the family spoke, and Millie had made the choice to listen. She was like the black sheep in a herd of white sheep's. She chose to stand out, and it made her all the better.
But this girl, poor thing, she had so much self-hatred, and didn't accept herself for it. Sure, Millie herself had problems, but she had learned to love and accept herself for them. She was different, and emotional, but she also had so many good traits. She was kind and honest, and had a brain that spewed knowledge like she spewed words. Life was too short to dwell on the bad things; so why should she?
"Maybe you are different than anyone else. But come on, everyone's got their flaws. People have got problems, and they need to solve them. But that's okay because problems, though difficult, are not impossible," She paused, putting her arm around the Slytherin girl. "Maybe the Sorting Hat did put you in Slytherin, but that was because it saw the resourcefulness and ambition in you. Slytherin isn't an evil house, it's all just rumors."
Sort of like Parseltongues.
`Even if you can't change the world, you can change individuals.' Daniel Howell
Stamina: 6 | Evasion: 7 | Strength: 2 | Wisdom: 6 | ArcPower: 7 | Accuracy: 7