Winter's Woes PV Persephone Closed

It was just too much. Too much. Everything had been dreadful so far, and Persephone longed for her Muggle school, where she had been in the oldest class, where she had been powerful, and not some silly newbie who thought she would rule everything and be liked and be someone in a brand new school where, thanks to her wonderful parents who had given her a secluded childhood apart from the Muggles, she knew no one !

She was fuming. Enraged. She was outside and she was cold and yet it wasn't enough to drain the fire in her heart, so she walked. She didn't really know where she was going, and yet, she couldn't muster the strength to care at this point. Maybe I'll get lost somewhere in this crazy school and die and then maybe my parents will know what they did to me, she thought petulantly.

Of course, she didn't really mean that. She didn't really want her parents to be miserable, nor did she really want to die alone in a school she didn't know anyone relevant in.

Still. She was mad, and she wanted someone to know it. She wanted to lash out.

She also, unfortunately for her bullying streak, knew better.

She knew that if she put a toe out of line, her father would pull her out of the school and 'home-school' her - most likely turn her into a Squib. And she didn't want that. She had to sit her OWLs and her NEWTs and somehow make connections. But why, why was it so darn hard ?

She heard a sob and, for a dreadful moment, wondered if she had finally snapped and started crying, of all things, on the School's ground for everybody - admittedly, the grounds were scarcely populated with this weather, but still - to see. But then, she heard it again, and she knew that she was not crying, and that, the sound coming from her left, it couldn't possibly come from her.

She turned around and spotted a girl, probably her age, sitting against a tree trunk and sobbing her eyes out directly onto the book sprawled on her lap. Persephone raised an eyebrow, surprised. So she was near the Forbidden Forest after all. She really should investigate the things that her subconcious made her do, she thought.

She eyed the girl. Hufflepuff, according to her uniform. At first, she felt contempt. But then... then, she thought. She didn't have any friend here yet, and she knew that Hufflepuffs made good friends. Right. She could do that.

Also, she felt a teeny little bit of compassion for the poor thing, because she really seemed to be in an emotional turmoil, much like the one Percy herself was feeling, but, being a Hufflepuff, probably wore her emotions on her sleeve, and couldn't control them that well, especially at eleven ; very unlike Percy.

She approached the girl and picked a clean handkerchief in her pocket. She then sat on her heels and offered it to the girl, trying her best to sound nice, for once.

"Here. You look like you need it. And you should close this book ; I hear that salt in tears aren't very good for paper."

She cringed. Be nice, Persephone !

"Is there something you want to talk to me about ?"

All right, better. After a few seconds, she added, "Because if you're outside alone while it's so freezing cold, you probably need a friend. And, I have to admit, I could use one, too."

Ew. Typical Gryffindor behaviour. But it was, to her most profound contempt, sincere, so she let her sentimentality slide.

As the tears stained the worn papers of the book, Mari continued to focus in her misery. She was so focused on her inability to control her breathing that she did not hear the girl come up to her and furthermore, almost didn't even hear what the girl said to her. She pursed her lips as she registered the words: "Here. You look like you need it. And you should close this book ; I hear that salt in tears aren't very good for paper."

Mari gazed upon the blonde girl's face; the girl cringed, but Mari actually found the statement quite funny, so she audibly chuckled. As she studied the robes - Slytherin snake she cringed - she jolted after a few seconds, realizing the girl had said "it." What was it?

She looked further downward and realized that the blonde had held out a handkerchief. She took it, smiled weakly, and began to wipe her tears. Unfortunately for Mari, they kept coming, albeit slower now, so she closed her book to avoid the salt-stained pages the girl had warned about.

Still slightly dazed to be jolted out of her feelings and the unexpected girl's kindness, Mari took another minute to register that she was still talking. "Is there something you want to talk to me about ?" The girl paused and then added, "Because if you're outside alone while it's so freezing cold, you probably need a friend. And, I have to admit, I could use one, too."

Mari pursed her lip and contemplated the situation. The girl seemed kind, yes, but she was still a Slytherin, and as Mum had said, Slytherins were snakes. She trusted Mum's opinion more than anything; after all, she was the only person Mari knew who had attended Hogwarts, and while that was a very small sample size, it was her Mum, after all. So Mari chuckled again and murmured, "Oh, no." She gestured to her book, "It's just that thinking about You-Know-Who always brings out the sadness in me."

Mari shoved her book into her bag and stood. While she completed these actions, she thought further. The girl was right; she really could use a friend in this situation. Also, mum was kind of the problem at the moment. She still felt uneasy about the girl, thinking, Slytherins are snakes, Slytherins are snakes to the beat of her heart, but Mari's gut wasn't the most reliable...

"Actually," she blurted, "no. You're right. It's just...everything. I've been struggling here, so I thought home would be refreshing, but turns out I don't fit at home either. I just don't know what to do about anything anymore."

She gestured towards the lake; her butt was still freezing from the cold ground, and she could use a method to warm it up. "Care to walk? If you don't mind listening, I'd love to talk further. But maybe you can start with what's going on with you, first. 'S only fair. You did save me with that handkerchief, after all." The tears slowed further as she wiped them once more and began to walk onward.

Persephone raised an eyebrow when the girl actually chuckled at her snide remark, but let it slide with a small smile.

"Oh, no. It's just that thinking about You-Know-Who always brings out the sadness in me."

Persephone raised the same eyebrow again, this time higher, and a small laugh escaped her lips. It wasn't actually mean, more like amused at her nerve. "Right, You-Know-Who. Who doesn't?"

She listened to the girl talk, and fell easily into her step when she offered to walk. She quite enjoyed walking, after all, and not looking directly at her interlocutor's eyes might help anyway. Percy had been told that people could feel quite uneasy when she looked into their eyes while they talked, and, while she found that ridiculous, she didn't want to jeopardize her only shot at having a friend so far.

"Oh, I understand. Being new here can be unsettling, I've figured that out early on. Though I don't really miss my family," she said pensively. "I think I miss my old school."

She shook her head and smiled bitterly. "Nothing's really wrong with me. I just thought you needed someone to talk to, and well, I'm someone, I guess ?" she chuckled darkly. "Though, you can always push me away if I'm too much of a snake for you."

She knew that with her House came the stigma, and while she was quite indifferent about it, she would be properly vexed if this girl refused to talk to her because of it, while she had oh so kindly offered her ears and a shoulder to cry into. She then thought about something ; she couldn't properly refer to the person walking next to her by 'this girl' indefinitely. She stopped and turned to the side to face her, and offered her hand.

"Before we wail into each other's arms," she said with a touch of sarcasm, "I guess we should introduce ourselves, don't you think ? I'm Percephone Nicholas. Nice to meet you."

Well, aren't you lovely, she thought sourly. Always trying to insult someone, aren't you ?

She did hope that the girl wouldn't take her words too seriously, and wouldn't be offended by them. After all, it was her way to deal with negative emotions, and wether they were hers or other's didn't matter in the slightest.

As they settled into a pace, Mari was thrilled that the girl was responding to her. She had never had a friend besides Lucy and Grace, unless you counted Lucy's friends. Mari didn't. Mari had always had a sinking suspicion that Lucy had instructed her friends to be kind to Mari; in retrospect, Mari realized that that should have been offensive to her that the girls didn't want to be her friend of their own accord, but Mari was comfortable enough in her friendships with her sisters that she didn't mind.

The girl said, "Oh, I understand. Being new here can be unsettling, I've figured that out early on. Though I don't really miss my family. I think I miss my old school."

"Did you go to a Muggle school?" Mari inquired brightly. Though she assumed it was unlikely, as Mum had told her that Slytherins often came from pureblood families, Mari knew she'd be confident in the fate of this friendship if the girl had also come from a basically Muggle background. Mari hadn't known about her magical background until her Hogwarts letter, as Mum was distant from her family. In case the girl didn't come from Muggle school, Mari added hastily, yet truthfully, "I did, but I don't miss it much. Magic is so much more interesting. Though my grades are about the same as they were at Muggle school: average." She shuddered, thinking of how disappointed Mum always had been in her average life. Average at school, at sports, and at friends, Mari was boring to Mum. Mum preferred to lecture Mari and praise Lucy, instead.

Mari caught the bitterness behind the girls' smile and the dark chuckle, but disregarded it quickly. The words were nice, and Mari had always been the type to take people's words for what they were, rather than the emotions behind them. "Nothing's really wrong with me. I just thought you needed someone to talk to, and well, I'm someone, I guess ? Though, you can always push me away if I'm too much of a snake for you."

Mari froze. Did I mention my thoughts on the snakes? She had done a good job of rarely vocalizing Mum's - and thus, Mari's - views on Slytherins, but it was possible she had slipped. Time to do damage control, just in case. "Oh no no! Snakes have some good aspects too. They can be very...cuddly." Mari giggled nervously. She hadn't met a cuddly snake before...

Before she could brainstorm some other positive qualities of snakes, the girl offered her hand and sarcastically stated, "Before we wail into each other's arms. I guess we should introduce ourselves, don't you think ? I'm Persephone Nicholas. Nice to meet you." Mari frowned at the sarcasm but disregarded it yet again. Tit for tat. Her tone is bad, but I just said snakes were cuddly so...only fair.

Mari took the hand, shook it once, and replied, "Joy Marianna Haynes, but I go by Mari. Do you have a nickname, Persephone Nicholas?" She frowned and scolded herself, digging her nails into her palms. Mari usually only joked when she felt uncomfortable, and this was quite possibly the most normal interaction she had had since coming to Hogwarts. Without skipping a beat, she launched into her woes, hoping that, just maybe, the girl wouldn't notice her ill-timed joke: "So I live with my mum, dad, and two sisters. They're my very best friends. Lucy's 11; she'll be at Hogwarts next year. She's so smart and funny and cool, definitely the bright light in the family. Not that I'm not, of course..." She reddened. This wasn't going how she'd hoped. "Um. Yeah. And Grace is six, and - don't tell Lucy, of course - she's my very best friend. I've protected her since she was little, you see. Mum and Dad don't like to mention it, but Grace is the glue of our family; they were separated before, you see. Dad was a little mad Mum didn't tell him that he was magic..."

Slow down, Mari, she thought. Ya don't need to tell her all of your issues... Maybe she should just stop there. She breathed, realizing that she had been talking quite fast, and murmured, "I love them. What about you?"

Mari eyed the lake wistfully and a single tear ran down her cheek. Her family had its issues, yes, but it was true, what she said to this girl - she loved them dearly. She couldn't imagine being gone from them for much longer than nine months. Picking up a rock, she attempted to skip it against the lake, channeling all the love she had for her family and its cohesiveness. It sunk instantly, and Mari wondered if this sinking was a reflection of her love or the glue that held it together.

Walking was quite nice, she decided. Even by this weather. The wind was a bit fierce and she had to hide a shudder or two, but she'd much rather be around someone, even if it meant outside, than inside with everyone that was not talking to her.

She watched as the girl brightened when she mentioned her old school. She almost hit her head in consternation. Of course she wasn't supposed to mention that she had been to a school before ! Wizards didn't even do schools ! Purebloods even less !

For now it was okay since she had mentioned it to a Hufflepuff that obviously came from a Muggle background. Persephone wondered idly if she was a Muggle-born before returning to the matter at hand. She should not say that to any of the other Slytherins, or else she'd be seen as a freak ! A pureblood in a Muggle school, seriously. Why didn't she even think !

She came back to the present just in time for the girl to start talking again. Persephone nodded her head in agreement when she said that magic was so much more interesting, and narrowed her eyes when the girl said that she was average. Or that her grades were. "Oh, I much prefer Magic too, but I have to admit, I cheated. I'm a wizard-born, so both my parents told me about Magic as soon as I could understand it, really. I meant that I miss the way people behaved there. I don't know if it's about my magic, which made me extraordinary in a way... Or the fact that I knew I had magic, but making friends was way easier then." She paused and thought about the words she wanted to say newt. Oh, whatever. "I guess here everyone's extraordinary, and nobody is. Also, I don't think you should settle for average. Not to sound bossy, but if I'm right and you're Muggle-born... or Muggle-raised," she added tactfully on a second thought, "you have a lot of catching up to do. Not really about magic itself since we all start at the same point, after all, but about the customs and the ways of the Wizarding World."

She smirked when the girl froze once she mentioned that she was a smily snake and that she could leave her if she wanted to. Of course, the girl had been tactful enough not to mention her distrust openly, but she had just confirmed it simply by her behaviour. Her smirk widened into a sincere smile, and she chuckled, without the dark she usually put into it. "Hey, it's all right. I'm not exactly the friendliest person around, in case you haven't noticed. And don't offend me again by saying we can be cuddly," she said in mock outrage.

"Joy Marianna Haynes, but I go by Mari. Do you have a nickname, Persephone Nicholas?"

Persephone stiffened abruptly before realizing she meant that as a joke. Only then she allowed herself to relax, and an easy smile graced her lips. "Right. No nicknames, unless you want to endure a painful death."

She listened carefully while Mari told her about her problems. She didn't think it was stupid, it occured to her, which was quite peculiar in her case. Of course, she wouldn't be hurt by simply missing her family, but she could understand why Mari felt that way. It seemed like her sisterstook a lot of place in her household, but Persephone refrained for telling her that, since she didn't know how she would react and it wasn't exactly her place to say. She chose to smile, and it was only the tiniest bit forced, which hopefully Mari wouldn't notice.

"It's great that you'll have someone next year, even if it's your least favourite sister," she said as a joke. Her face darkened when she pondered her question.

"I guess... You'll think of me as a heartless snake, but whatever." She shrugged. "I'm not particularly fond of my family, or anyone for that matter. My mum's all right, I guess. My dad is a bit more of a handful, but I was not starved, or beaten, so I guess there's that." She thought for a few more seconds. "I guess you could say I was and am a cold child, and even though I'm quite clever, they always seemed to want those bubbly children, full of emotions and smiles and tears." She wanted to add a bit like you but wisely chose not to. "I'm cold, calculating, cunning and manipulative. They wanted to have another child but --"

She remembered that she was not alone and that she was not about to tell everything to Mari. To her embarrassment, her cheeks reddened slightly and she looked away, hoping that Mari would think she was refraining from crying. "So. Are you jealous of your sister ?" she asked, wanting desperately to change the topic.

When the girl hypothesized that Mari was Muggle-born, Mari jolted and had to think about that inquiry for a moment. She had never thought about how she came off as someone who is not of wizard lineage, even though, now that she thought about it, it seemed quite obvious. Mari didn't know much of anything about wizarding terms or customs. She silently cursed her mum for putting her in this situation; perhaps if she had grown up with a family that had raised her with an awareness of her abilities she would feel less isolated at Hogwarts. "No, actually," she mumbled. "Just born of a family that didn't want to discuss magic. I'm half. Dad hates it. Mum was fascinated enough with him that she was willing to give it all up. She actually comes from a family of Ravenclaws and Slytherins, though we don't see them very much."

She reddened, not wanting to go into the topic further. Mari knew that most Slytherins valued magical lineage, so she had added Mum's family history as an afterthought but with purpose. Maybe that would earn some more brownie points for Mari from the Slytherin girl. Mari would stoop to (almost) anything to just get a singular friend...

Mari backtracked a bit on what the girl had said; she had been so focused on the Muggle-born comment that she had almost forgotten that the Slytherin had accused her of having "catching up to do." Mari prickled for a millisecond but her mood flowed quickly to a sad frown. Mum's family isn't going to matter when I still don't know anything about wizards and witches. If only I had been born to one of her siblings... Her path would have been completely different; Mari envisioned herself in the glitz and glamor that her mum always said that her siblings engaged in. She wouldn't be half-born, half-black, or anything. She would be pure, that value that society believed so much in. That value that this girl clearly believed so much in.

Though, the girl still seemed willing to joke with Mari...Mari chuckled loudly (albeit somewhat forced; she still was desperate for friendship, after all). "Duly noted," Mari grinned toothily, as she stuck out her tongue. "Just as long as you remember that badgers can bite, as well."

When the girl told her that she was simply Persephone, Mari felt that she could finally solidify the Slytherin's identity in her brain. It was a pretty name, though Mari wished that she had a nickname. They could have another commonality that way. Mari knew that thus far there was very little in common that the two could commiserate or rejoice in about each other's pasts. It was Mari's belief that it was a lot harder to become friends with someone who was so different from herself.

But maybe there was hope, after all. Even though Persephone had admitted that she was not fond of her family, she had, after all, admitted to that fact. Mari couldn't really understand what it was like to dislike her family and not feel close to anyone else, but maybe this was Persephone's way of saying that she wanted to be close to someone. Mari blinked when Persephone continued, "I guess you could say I was and am a cold child, and even though I'm quite clever, they always seemed to want those bubbly children, full of emotions and smiles and tears. I'm cold, calculating, cunning and manipulative. They wanted to have another child but --"

While the girl's cheeks reddened, Mari bit her lip. This was awkward. Mum and Dad weren't always the kindest to her, but Mari had never felt unloved. "You don't seem cold to me," Mari mentioned, as she looked intently into the girl's eyes. "Mum always says I have enough emotions for five people; I'm sure if they met me they would be pleased to have you as a daughter. What's the phrase? The grass is always greener? I'd rather be clever, that's for sure. There's nothing like getting an owl reminding you that you are at Hogwarts for school...I do try, but Mum doesn't seem to think so."

Mari wanted to say more, but Persephone didn't seem to want to linger on the topic. "So. Are you jealous of your sister ?" she asked. Mari jolted for the second time; Persephone kept getting her to look at things that had always just seemed as fact to her in a new light. She had never thought about her relationship with Lucy as one of jealousy, but perhaps there was a bit of one-sided envy between the sisters. She pondered the question and finally settled by saying, "I'd...never thought of it like that. I guess you could say so. The thing is that Lucy's the only one who has lived my life with me. She's always been my biggest confidante, even if she doesn't use me that much. But it's not her fault that she has lot of friends and even boyfriends...and good grades..."

She blinked back tears. Was that what this was, jealousy? Did Mari wish that she was Lucy, rather than Mari herself? She had never tried to think about it, but Persephone's question was quite loaded and forced her to. It wasn't long before the tears started freely flowing and Mari had to bite back a sob. Now she was the one who so desperately wanted to change the conversation. Her friend's (for Mari had decided they were friends at this point, even if she wasn't sure of Persephone's opinion on the matter) family was off-limits and now Mari's was too, for the first time, quite possibly, ever. She searched for topic, any topic, but Lucy was still on her mind, so she settled with, "Do you like boys?"

What a weird question. Mari had no interest in boys at this point, though she was definitely heterosexual. Even though she knew that she would never face the prejudice of homophobia, she knew this was quite a weird question. But alas, it was too late to turn back...