Holding On And Letting Go PV Aida finished

Running. It was what Aida used to do to cope, and now she desperately needed to revive the habit even if it meant breaking the rules by going out at night. For a while the pale girl’s life had regained some stability after finding Alexander alive, and she had no shortage of research and subsistence tasks to do in addition to her school duties. However, the seeds of transformation she had planted at her lowest point in the summer were now beginning to poke their shiny heads through the dirt. She had been distracted with her furious need to understand time magic, memory loss, and what had happened in the house elf incident– distracted over if she still needed to preserve this timeline and thereby save Alexander’s life through some future action. As she got deeper and deeper into her reading, however, Aida slowly forgot to maintain the training she had been assigned by her quidditch master, Valentin Schnell. While she had originally signed on as Valentin’s apprentice for the purpose of training for Alexander’s resurrection, when Aida found Alexander alive her ability to focus on that training quickly fragmented. As it turned out, there were only so many hours in the day for Aida and she decided that she no longer had the time to continue on as Ravenclaw quidditch co-captain when she needed instead to spend time in the library figuring out her next course of action. No more knight-in-shining-armor training, was the lament she had at the time… but now months had passed and today Aida was forced to confront her abandonment of quidditch head-on when she stumbled into none other than Valentin Schnell himself at the lakeside.

Meeting Valentin again turned into quite the perplexing engagement for more reasons than having to fess up to having quit quidditch: the way Valentin thought of Aida had shifted during their time apart. Upon simply meeting again, Aida suddenly found that their relationship had turned tangled and difficult. Through it all she ended up walking away with a gleaming Silver Arrow broom and a torn heart in exchange for one golden orb. After a massively uneasy day passed into evening, Aida found there was no chance she would be able to sleep like this and she did not even want to curl up in the sheltering peace of the Room of Requirement. An anxiety unlike any she had known before gnawed at her until, quite late at night, Aida just had to get outside. The walls were only making the situation worse. Strapping her new Silver Arrow firmly to her back as she had been taught, Aida took off like her life depended on it. As it turned out, running through the darkness felt even better than running in daylight to the blindvision-endowed witch.

Rounding the bends of the courtyard and the quidditch pitch and then passing the Great Lake, Aida headed to where she had gone so often in trying to recenter herself: the wide-open grounds. There was one tree that Aida had always stopped at during her runs last year– one very special old oak– and out of tradition she would stop there again to rest. Aida felt a bit guilty for bringing the broom, a piece of Valentin, to this sacred place… but she had to make peace, had to make a decision. She had already lost so much of her strength over the summer by not having been at peace, and she could not afford to torture herself any more and lose the modicum of progress she had been making with restoring her sleep and body weight. Besides, she had promised Ileen. Aida was supposed to avoid dying. She was supposed to be strong in order to be a knight for others. Being strong meant finding her center, so Aida approached the old oak tree, struggling for breath as she recovered from her run. She remembered one day she had thrown herself down on the tree completely unobservant of her surroundings, and since that day she thought she just maybe should try to maintain a semblance of situational awareness… which turned out quite fortunate this time, as she prevented herself from completely collapsing on top of Ileen, who just so happened to be leaning against the tree at this unusual time of night.

With a flash of recognition, Aida took a moment to consider what might have brought the knight out here at this hour. Something might be bothering her. With a note of concern, Aida then greeted Ileen.

“Hey, what are you doing here? Are you okay?”

@Ileen Knight

Ileen was still lost in thought and the wind made the leaves of the trees rustle and crackle, so she did not hear the ghostly girl coming, who seemed to float light-footedly and almost silently over the ground. The young Slytherin got the shock of her life when the pale Ravenclaw suddenly came running towards her as if grown out of the ground and reflexively Ileen stretched out her arms to stop her swing from running. Each time the brunette girl was shocked at how light Aida was and she automatically pulled her into a hug. “Aida! What are you doing out here in the middle of the night?”
She tried to catch the gaze of the violet eyes to observe how Aida was doing. Did she seem stressed? Was she haunted by her nightmares again? Was she here to slip into the other world which was calling the pale girl? She was so worried about her friend that for a brief moment she forgot her own thoughts that had driven her out here and she needed a moment to register Aida's question.

Blinking on confusion she tried to gather her thoughts, her fingers still dug into the fabric of Aida’s cloths as if her subconscious is afraid that she would disappear as soon as she let go of her. And indeed, Aida brought light into the darkness that Ileen had begun to fear and which she found more distressing than comforting.
The heart of the young Slytherin was still pounding and with her dark brown eyes wide open, she just stood there with no words on her lips or mind before she finally pulled herself together. With a deep inhale, she tried to get a grip and tilted her head. The bond of knights and the honor connected to that bond commanded that Ileen spoke the truth. She had asked Aida to lift the curtain from her own world for Ileen, so she would do the same for Ravenclaw. Wasn't that how trust worked? “I—I don’t know. I came here to get a clear head. I haven’t heard from my parents in a while and I wonder if they would care about the latest events. If they would be proud or worried… I don’t even know I they are still thinking about me or if they moved on without me by now.” She paused, looking back at the castle and a cold shiver ran down her spine. Shadows. Waiting for her to consume her, to enter her body, to take over…
She shook her head to get rid of these sinister words and gave Aida a crooked smile. “I’m sorry. I know your situation with your parents is way worse than mine and here I am whining.” She slightly frowned and tried to peek at Aida’s back. “So... What are you doing here? Are you okay? Is that a broom?”

@Aida Mòrsgor-Ama Ellwood

When Ileen asked what Aida was doing out by the old oak so late at night, Aida looked quite embarassed and crossed her arm over her body, hanging it off her other arm listlessly.

“I– I came here to think, like you did… I don’t really understand what’s happening with me today. I really just wanted to see this tree and try to remember what things were like before… Before everything became so difficult and awkward. Back when I wasn’t so… useless. I guess, maybe I was never of much help to humans...” rambled Aida, trying to find some kind of truth for her fellow knight. She wanted to give her the truth even when it was hard. Ileen had earned that, in addition to it being Aida’s natural instinct to be honest. “I guess my problem is that I don’t know how to help everyone. What I want to give, someone can’t take, while I can’t give it to someone who does,” said Aida, pulling her hair with both hands in the struggle to admit to herself what she had never put into words before.

Then, listening quietly to Ileen’s explanation, Aida’s brow furrowed. She wanted to help her fellow knight so much. Slowly Aida began to chew her lip. “I … I honestly don’t know your parents. I feel they’d be crazy not to be thinking about you all the time, and I can’t understand how they could move on from you when you’re so incredible. It’s not that I don’t understand that parents can abandon their children...” said Aida darkly, thinking of her own parents. “It’s just… I like you so much. I don’t know the truth, and I want you to have the truth. But if they really are strange like that and don’t value the treasure they’ve got… well… I’m here for you, and you're very important to me,” offered Aida with a smile, trying to instill comfort through a confident tone. Aida reached out a hand in the hopes that the physical contact would show Ileen that she really meant it and that she wanted to help in any way she could.

At Ileen’s questioning about it Aida set the gleaming silver broom down on the grass in front of the tree, as if afraid to let the two objects touch by leaning one against the other. Yet, putting it out in front of the two of them, it was as if she subconsciously wanted Ileen to observe and even figure out the object with her.

“I… A boy gave me this broom,” began Aida, pale cheeks ablaze with red even in the dim of the night. "He..." she tried, grabbing her entire mane of white hair and stroking it as if it were some kind of creature. “He… said he loves me.”

Ileen had quickly recovered from the shock of Aida simply bumping into her. It was odd - for the young Slytherin, it was like the two girls had a connection on a higher level, something she had already sensed at the summer camp. Even though their situation was different they shared so many feelings and experiences. Being with Aida was always like entering some sort of dream world where no veils and masks were necessary, because they were beyond that. Besides, the situation always felt unreal and far from this world and at the same time it was the truest and most honest thing Ileen experienced.

So, when she listened to the concerns and thoughts the pale witch addressed so honestly, a small frown appeared on Ileen’s forehead. With a heavy heart she took the words in, listening quietly to not interrupt. In the end, her dark brown eyes were fixed on her friend. “Don’t say that.” She wasn’t a hundred percent sure she really got what Aida wanted to tell her and how to relate to the described feelings. Ileen didn’t know yet but for her, it was the other way around. She wasn’t able to give yet. With Dee, Aida and Erik it was different. And yes, this year was about to change that, but at this very moment Ileen was standing on the other side of the road. But yet, there was one thing she was absolutely sure about and it was important to her that Aida would learn about that, too.
“You are not useless. You have given me so much. You showed me a way out and told me what it means to be completely honest.” She gave her friend a warm smile and grabbed her hand. “I might sound selfish but without you i might never have found out what healing really means to me. You healed part of me.” She paused and thoughtfully bit her lower lip. “Maybe…” Carefully, she brushed one strand of her dark brown hair out of her eyes and tilted her head. “Maybe, you can’t save everyone. We knights can’t fight all the battles. That’s why we are not alone.”
A dark voice in the back of her head wanted to point out that not everybody deserved it to be saved. But that was not the issue. To be fair, what she had seen in the fight club she didn't even wish upon the brainless idiots from Slytherin. There was a small line between not wanting to save people and wishing them to suffer. Ileen normally stayed with the first option.

When Aida talked about Ileen’s parents, the young Slytherin suddenly felt a lump in her throat. Moved, she just closed the distance that was separating the two girls and simply hugged Aida. Her lips parted to speak, but no words came to her mind. She just hoped that she could tell with her hug what she couldn’t put into words. “Thank you so much.” Letting go of her she looked at her face and her dark brown eyes shimmered with emotions. “Do you think it’s destiny that we ran into each other?”
Her eyes fell on the broom again. “Love? You mean, he was a good friend of yours?” She frowned and looked back at the tree. “Do you mind telling me what the tree means to you?” She turned around and laid her hand on the bark. “I come here a lot as well, mainly to climb it to get some distance from the ground.”

@Aida Mòrsgor-Ama Ellwood

Sorry it took me so long

“You healed part of me… Maybe, you can’t save everyone. We knights can’t fight all the battles. That’s why we are not alone,” said Ileen, ultimately hugging Aida, who didn’t want to let go. “Do you think it’s destiny that we ran into each other?” There was something Aida always felt about Ileen that she couldn’t put into words. To say that Ileen always felt “safe” for Aida wasn’t nearly enough, nor was it just that Ileen innately made sense to the young white witch. The best words Aida had ever found for it was a “knight bond,” but even those words didn’t express the peace and sense of warm well-being she got when around the Slytherin girl.

“I don’t really know what destiny is. The one time I had a fortuneteller talk to me, she lied to me. What I do know is that the world has ways of working that are deeper and more colorful than we understand, and the way things work with you is just like that. I don’t understand what it is, but there is something like that about us, like how the birds in a flock know how to turn together in an instant, or how the flowers know when it is time to come out of the ground. Everything is so natural with you.” Aida’s blue-violet eyes glinted under the night sky as she reached for the trunk of the oak and leaned against it through her palm.

“Then, there’s this boy. I thought I could learn from him, since he always helped me get stronger… but I got so lost during the summer. I almost… died. I would have probably died if you hadn’t saved me, showing me that I could trust someone and that there were ways to eat without breaking my promise. If I had just wasted away...” whispered Aida, haunted eyes scanning the horizon as if something important might appear there at any moment. “But you saved me, and now all the possibilities are rescued.” Aida looked back at the broom as it glimmered like molten silver. “Now I can actually help others, instead of being trapped in the illusion that slowly killing myself was helping anyone.” With a sigh, Aida threw back her hair and crouched down with her back against the tree. “See? I'm not making any sense. The boy said he loves me, but I'm just so turned around I hardly know which way is up. This has been such a hard year. What he is saying is like... some kind of alien language. I don't understand. Sure, we understand each other on some level that's unusual but... I don't understand what his eyes are saying when he looks at me." With a grimace, Aida stared down at the ground. “I don't understand why your family doesn't act close to you. Maybe this guy is like the family I never had, since my parents... well, you know. What is it like to have a family, at all? What is it like to have a sibling, even?" rambled Aida with a flustered sigh.

“This tree, this place makes more sense to me. It’s silly really. I know it’s just made-up, but I have this map of the world in my head, in my heart. I see certain places linked together by glowing paths when I close my eyes. Places where important things happen– it’s as if the energy of the world collects in special places, and in this place, in this tree, just like in my cave, the energy here matches mine. I know it’s silly, I know… But if the word ‘destiny’ means anything to me, I would say this is a tree of destiny. A place of destiny. Important things happen here, and I always come back here like gravity is pulling me. When I’m here, things happen that make me become more like myself. I’m happy that this place is important to you, too. When I’m running, even when I don’t plan on stopping here somehow it always ends up being the right place to rest. Then, it feels like the next place I go will always be the right place, just because I came here first.”

Suddenly, Aida bolted to her feet.

“‘To get some distance from the ground,’ you said. There’s another tree I want to show you. Will you come with me?” asked Aida abruptly, but with a slight smile emanating from her alabaster face. “This other tree place also has a certain… energy to it,” giggled Aida. “It’s just a short hop.” Aida picked up the broom, not really sure of its meaning but hoping to figure it out by using it to take Ileen to where Aida first met Dee.

OOC: This other tree is still in the grounds area!

@Ileen Knight

Ileen’s eyes were fixed on Aidas. Brown and violet. The pale witch managed what Ileen was always struggling with. She could put the feeling, the situation and their connection in the right words. Pieces of a puzzle that simply fell into place. That’s how it was with Aida.
Ileen wasn’t afraid to tell her the truth and to reveal her weak points. She was the only person in her life she never had to worry about being herself. They did not have to pretend that there was no issue because they had both experienced each other on the ground already.
And when you were on the ground you needed more than one hand reaching out for you and for Ileen they had helped each other up, they had made each other accept the first hand helping them back up.

Ileen blinked as she suddenly teared up. She hadn’t cried in forever, but with Aida around the walls she had built so carefully around her emotions were down. She just hoped her white friend would read her feelings because that was beyond words to Ileen. Why was she even suffering because of her parents? Her true family was here. She had Aida, Dee and Erik. She would give her life for them.
The young Slytherin reached out and placed her hand on the tree trunk next to Aida’s hand. A strong feeling of connection flowed through her and the shadow slipped from her face. This was exactly where she was supposed to be. Here with Aida. For the first time the worries and guilt for being outside after curfew faded, because it was not important anymore.

As her friend talked about the boy and family a lump formed in her throat. Ileen had never thought about the concept of romantic love before. This was like a foreign language to her, but as the last time Aida had told her about something she didn’t get completely she focused on what she understood.
“You saved me as well. We saved each other. And… I never had siblings. Since last year I questioned everything my parents told me. I am not even sure if I had a family, because all they ever told me was a lie. But you know what I realized thanks to you?” A soft smile plucked on the corner of her mouth and she rested her head against the tree trunk.
“We have siblings and family. We found them here. To me, you are family.” And it was true. Aida was like a sister to her. “And the boy should make you feel better. If he’s confusing or hurting you, you should protect yourself. Friends are the family we chose. And yes, they might hurt us from time to time, but in the end they should make you feel good. Please take care of yourself and if there is something I can do, please tell me.”

As Aida told Ileen about the map in her head, the young Slytherin could see the glowing connections in her mind. The picture unfolded in her head, places connected with golden strings woven from Aida's emotions. She could relate to this even though she never had visualized it in that way. Or maybe… If something bothered her she climbed the highest place she could find. Maybe she could see her map better from above.

Ileen blinked as her pale friend took the broom. “Sure, where you go I go.” The words were honest, true and quickly over her lips. “How do we get there? Do you want to fly?” Her heart skipped a beat as she thought about this possibility.

@Aida Mòrsgor-Ama Ellwood

In Aida’s eyes a consistent deep truth weaved throughout Ileen’s very being. Whatever the negative reputation of Slytherin house, it was as good as fiction to Aida. Ileen was a glowing polestar in the night, forever true, a stable source of direction. Aida always knew the way when it came to Ileen. In a way, Ileen was like the old oak that seemed to point everything into the right direction when it was touched. There were few things Aida valued more than the truth, and though Ileen had always been just as honest with her as Valentin, Ileen was the one who made perfect sense. It was unusual, magical even, that Ileen made so much sense and seemed to understand… so Aida wanted to prove this to herself – show herself that despite all the agony surrounding the situation with Alexander and the confusion with Valentin, Ileen would understand Aida, even when no one else would. If Aida could just prove to herself that Ileen could reliably understand the truth of Aida’s heart, Aida would reach out and try to stop spinning into such a mad dark hole. The white witch just needed a glint of light to truly believe in, an anchor of hope that she knew could not break and destroy her. Of course, this was far too much to expect of any person. It was ridiculous, childish, fantastical. The pure insanity of desperation. For Aida to believe that someone could really always understand when she said her heart’s truth– such was the stuff of dreams. The real world was full of heartbreak and disappointment made by so-often treacherous humans... Yet, Ileen had saved Aida’s life during her darkest hour, so there was some magic left in the world it seemed. Now Aida wanted to see if that understanding in Ileen had been a wishful hallucination.

It would have made the experiment meaningless if Aida had to tell Ileen what she needed from her. Instead, Aida climbed onto the front of the broom like Valentin had taught her and gestured to Ileen to climb on the back.

Valentin had seen in Aida what he felt for flying, but Aida did not feel the same. Flying was something else to her. When she had flown with Valentin, she really had just wanted to see him happy, free, transcendent, powerful, confident, overflowing with a love for life… any number of feelings that together encapsulated the best possible way of living: an ultimate state of well-being. She had first wanted to train in flying to save Alexander's life, but that was only the beginning of the happiness and well-being she wanted for that Slytherin boy. Aida took many rough spills during the broom training that Valentin gave her, but he was always helping her back up, empowering her, helping her soar. It was only natural that Aida would wish happiness, health, and fulfillment back at Valentin. He was doing everything in his power to give Aida what she wanted and needed.

Yet, Valentin was not the only one that Aida wanted to give such happiness to. Valentin was not the “only one for her.” So, even though Aida had tried to impart that happiness to Valentin, he didn’t understand the truth of Aida’s heart. He wanted romance, but Aida just wanted to give him that profound state of well-being she knew he would feel playing together in the skies. Aida cared deeply for Ileen too, so it was scary to try this again. After all, Aida had hurt Valentin deeply by trying to make him happy in a way that didn’t make sense to him. Still, Aida wanted to believe in Ileen, and to fly alone on such a nice broom was such a waste, especially after all the technique that Valentin had patiently impressed upon the fellow albino.

Tonight Ileen and Aida had found each other at the sacred oak tree, so Aida knew this would be the right direction. They had both touched the old tree. Whether this was a bit of superstition or a bit of some unknown magic could not be said, nor did it matter right now. What mattered was that the white witch wanted to show Ileen the truth of her heart: that Aida wanted to help make the Slytherin girl happy beyond words. Aida Mòrsgor-Ama Ellwood had learned from one of the best broom pilots in the magical schools... but would she succeed?

@Ileen Knight

Ileen wouldn’t receive any answers to her questions, at least not a verbal one, but that wasn’t necessary. The young Slytherin just needed to look the other girl in the eyes and she could read what was happening there on a meta level. Though the young Slytherin didn’t fully grasp the situation she certainly felt the mood.

Ileen knew by heart that Aida was with her and that they belonged together, she wouldn’t doubt that. Ever.
The knights bond knotted them together. Their paths had been intertwined since they had met at Dee's birthday party. Since then, they had pulled each other back into the light when the shadows threatened to swallow them. Together they walked the thin line between light and darkness, dream and reality. As if on a knife edge. And when the shadows were lashing out, they were here to fight for each other.
Ileen would gladly put her life in Aida’s hands knowing that her pale friend would do everything in her power to provide her from any harm. So, when the white girl took her broom and mounted it, her violet eyes somewhat expecting turning to Ileen, the young Slytherin didn’t hesitate.

Her heart skipped a beat as she made one step towards Aida and mounted the broom behind her. She already felt the breath of freedom she always received when she left the ground behind her. And there was no other person she would rather be with in this very moment. Her fingers digged into Aida’s clothes, feeling the soft fabric on her skin as she hugged her friend to hold onto her.
Ileen had wanted to fly by night since she had first stepped into this castle. She had even asked a teacher to take her so she could see the grounds from above. It was the last piece missing in her puzzle, the last piece that would finally made it her home for good.
It was only right that Aida was the person she would share this experience with. The first time she had seen the grounds from above had been with Dee on the roof of the owlery. No, by night, it would be with her beloved knight who was ready to fix Ileen up one more time and save her from the darkness.
“Ready when you are.” The deep trust was clearly audible in her calm voice and she gently squeezed her friend.

@Aida Mòrsgor-Ama Ellwood

Aida felt Ileen’s fingers digging into Aida’s fur-lined cloak and smiled gently. With a couple flicks of her wrist Aida tied back her hair with a leather strap and gave a quick wink behind her. “Hang on tight, this isn’t going to be your average flight.” Aida kicked off the ground to further accelerate the already rapid ascent of the silver arrow. Like reverse lightning the pair shot high into the sky and the air whipped back any loose hair or clothing. The chill of the night air pressed especially cold into the skin with the force of air resistance. A pale hand laid atop Ileen’s grip to ensure a strong bond as Aida leaned smoothly into a high-speed corkscrew spiral. With Ileen seeming secure Aida shifted her weight farther to the left and sent the two into a cleanly-executed barrel roll. The world spun around them for a few moments, fast enough to give any warm-blooded creature a thrill but not enough to unsettle the average stomach. Then uncoiling into a straight vector, Aida grasped Ileen’s arms firmly and aimed straight up like a rocket ship-- they accelerated, smoothly, until the silver arrow maxed out (in this case at 112 kph). All that was visible: stars and a glowing white moon. Without any clouds or scenery straight up, it was hard to sense how far they were going so fast, and yet the stars and moon seemed to stay the same distance away. It was as fast as Aida had ever gone in her life, but the sea of stars twinkled serenely untouched. Then Aida cut all acceleration and slowed to a low speed. The wind grew quiet, and everything grew still. This high, even the shimmer of the stars solidified into steadfast light.

Then, after a few moments, Aida angled off and slowly they soared above the now easily-viewable domain of Hogwarts. The thrill segment had clearly settled into a smooth, peaceful sailing high above. The Great Lake reflected the moon far below and everything seemed so small. Aida remained quiet for a while, but eventually glanced back to see how Ileen was feeling about the ride. There was no way she would have let her fall– Ileen’s safety was the highest priority and Aida had the training to be sure of that.

“Up here… I feel like only truth exists.”

@Ileen Knight