January 8, 2020
Saskia stared at the piece of parchment in front of her. It had been blank for quite a while now, with the exception of a greeting scrawled on the top left side of the parchment and a few scribbles of words on the first few lines. But beyond that, she didn’t know what else was there to add. The Hufflepuff impatiently tapped her fingers on the table, keeping a tight grip on her quill. She knew how to write letters. She did it many times, and it certainly wasn't the first time she had sent letters to her mother. This was no different than writing a letter to her father or her sister. Or at least it should have been.
She always had mixed feelings about her mother, which mostly happened to be a flurry of confusion, bitterness, and a bit of yearning. She had never been close with her thanks to her mother being constantly busy travelling for her job. It was a rare moment that she would ever be home, and over time, Saskia had learned to cherish those times when her mother started disappearing for longer periods of time. For the most part, her mother didn’t bother to send a message about where she was, what she was doing, or even when she would be coming back. It was like she already forgot about her family. About her. A part of her was hurt knowing that her mother had pretty much abandoned her, but the pain had dulled for a long time. She had to deal with these things for a long time, and this occasion was no different. It only showed just how her mother really thought about her family, and if that was how her mother was going to be, then she had no reason to suffer because of her. She would move on with her life instead. There wasn’t any reason for something that was out of her control to weigh down on her if she could have focused on the things that were more present in her life.
Really, she should have known better than this. She knew she was dealing with something she wasn't supposed to be worrying about. But she didn’t want to leave this alone. She wanted to show that she still cared, even if her mother didn’t. It might have been a useless sentiment, something that she shouldn’t have indulged in for too long, but there was still that bit of hope in her that maybe her mother would see this letter. She might have been busy wherever she was, but would she at least notice that she was trying to reach out to her? Would she be able to tell that she did care, after all this time? She wanted to make that effort. It was one of those days where that feeling of yearning rushed in her mind. She wanted to talk to her mother like how any other child would want to talk to their parents. Was that really a lot to ask for? For her mother to show that she really did care, at least once?
Saskia kept her quill pressed down on the parchment, moving it along as the words continued to flow through the page. She had to admit, it felt odd writing to her mother again. It was the similar feeling of talking to a stranger. There was no sense of familiarity in her words. She had tried to be as warm as she could be, but it just wasn’t the same as talking to her father or her sister. That wasn’t how families were supposed to act with each other, wasn’t it? Normal families, especially the loving ones, had close relationships. They stuck through hard times, they supported each other. Did her mother even try to be there for her? She still remembered the time she saw her off when she first left for Hogwarts, and when she had been there with the rest of her family. It was so sudden, seeing her back again in her life just to say goodbye to her once again. Even now, she didn’t know what got her to come back. It was just another question left for her to answer. It would only be a matter of time before she would become frustrated all over again, but for now, she didn't want to think too hard on that.
Soon enough, she was done writing. She would have been able to send it off to the owls and retire for the rest of the day, but she wanted to look at it one more time. This was going to be her first letter to her mother in a long time, and she wanted to make sure she had everything she wanted to say. There might not have been another opportunity like this in a while, and she was going to make the best use of it.
"Honestas ante honores."
Stam: 9 | Eva: 6 | Str: 7 | Wis: 7 | Arc: 6 | Acc: 8